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ENFPs... do you fantasize about marriage?

[ENFP] 
5K views 46 replies 25 participants last post by  MoonStarSky 
#1 ·
I was thinking about how certain aspects of our personality may clash in regards to this. On one hand, we are independent, unique, and like to go against the grain, which would seem to suggest an alternative attitude towards marriage-- but we are also dreamy, romantic, and idealistic, which groups us into the category more likely to dream about their wedding day and plan color schemes and our honeymoon destination before we even know who our spouse will be.

So I'm guessing there might be a little bit of both among us. I am definitely one of the latter.
 
#2 ·
I felt like an odd ball as a child. All of the other girls fantasized about their weddings and being a mommy. I found the idea of planning a wedding to be even more unbearable than a trip to the dentist. Then again, I always was a tomboy.

I still feel that way, to be honest. About weddings, at least. When I have one, it will be small, and I may make somebody else plan everything...and I honestly won't care what is chosen. Within reason, at least. :wink:

I do want to get married someday, though. The idea of spending my life with my love is very, very appealing. I don't have traditional ideas about it though...I value my independence, I'm not a maternal person, I don't cook and I'm pretty lazy about cleaning. I wanna travel and adventure, and I'd be especially content to do that with my partner.
 
#4 ·
I felt like an odd ball as a child. All of the other girls fantasized about their weddings and being a mommy. I found the idea of planning a wedding to be even more unbearable than a trip to the dentist. Then again, I always was a tomboy.

I still feel that way, to be honest. About weddings, at least. When I have one, it will be small, and I may make somebody else plan everything...and I honestly won't care what is chosen. Within reason, at least. :wink:

I do want to get married someday, though. The idea of spending my life with my love is very, very appealing. I don't have traditional ideas about it though...I value my independence, I'm not a maternal person, I don't cook and I'm pretty lazy about cleaning. I wanna travel and adventure, and I'd be especially content to do that with my partner.
Dejavu: you summed it up perfectly!

The idea of planning an entire wedding just makes me cringe. The formalities... and people offering their opinions and getting involved when they really need to butt out (like mothers and mother-in-laws) urgh!!! I’d rather run away to some tropical island and get married then come home and surprise everyone. Eloping is my idea of the perfect wedding :laughing:!

Needless to say, I don’t fantasise about my wedding day... it’s the other stuff that I tend to dwell on. Being a ‘romantic idealist’... it’s all about the relationship and being able to grow and learn with my perspective SO. I’ll let my mind wonder on everything from the romantic playful fluff to even possible conflicts and difficulties in the relationship (based on my previous relationship experiences) and how I would handle them.

I love being independent and being able to have the freedom of individuality, but I would rather experience all of that with someone. It’s the idealist in me :tongue:!
 
#5 ·
On one hand, we are independent, unique, and like to go against the grain, which would seem to suggest an alternative attitude towards marriage-- but we are also dreamy, romantic, and idealistic, which groups us into the category more likely to dream about their wedding day and plan color schemes and our honeymoon destination before we even know who our spouse will be.
I'm also the latter. I'm a hopeless romantic, through and through; type fours and ENFPs are both known as such. There's no escape!

My life revolves around love, and a wedding is a celebration of it. Who doesn't like a celebration?
 
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#7 ·
IMHO... A man who gets married to a woman without a wedding...... never mind.
 
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#8 ·
Okay! Okay! I'll admit! As a little boy I dreamed of getting married to the most beautiful girl in the world. Having 6 kids, a dog, a cat and a fish named "Spike". Living in a big house with the white picket fence and a Lexus in the driveway. Now my dreams are a little different. I still want to get married, but not with 6 kids. A dog is all I want and a penthouse apartment (and a BMW instead). Or we'd just travel. But yes, as an ENFP male...... I did fantasize about marriage.
 
#9 ·
No, no no and no. I used to honestly think I'd be married by the time I was 25, and when that came and went I think my perspective changed on a lot of aspects of marriage. Why did I even want to get married? Was it just me wanting a fancy wedding.. was it really about love... because the more I think about it the more I don't really want to get married. Who knows, I change my mind a lot but right now it doesn't sound all that appealing. Except for maybe an excuse to wear a fabulous dress...
 
#11 ·
I used to honestly think I'd be married by the time I was 25, and when that came and went I think my perspective changed on a lot of aspects of marriage.
I used to want to be married by 22, so then I could enjoy a few years of marriage and get pregnant by 25.

Ha.

I'm very glad I didn't settle at that time.
 
#10 ·
Sometimes while growing up, life seemed like it would have a fairy tail ending. I don't think this phenomenon is completely type related. I can agree that certain types would be more drawn into particular fixations.
 
#13 · (Edited)
Yep I fantasized, I've even created a folder on my computer where I've collected pictures and ideas haha. The thing is I spend so much time romanticising and idealising that I wonder if being in a relationship or being married will ever meet my expectations!

My ideal wedding? Something really small, simple yet elegant and also a bit quirky haha I love the idea of getting married out of doors, in a forest or by a river or something and mixing in casual with smart dress...laid back, chilled, relaxed, fun atmosphere. I can't stand those over the top weddings!! With the gigantic dresses! Gah! It should be about me and my love, and me showing my dedication to him in front of the people who matter the most to us.

Does anyone else try to imagine their perfect relationship every night before they go to sleep?
 
#15 ·
My ideal wedding? Something really small, simple yet elegant and also a bit quirky haha I love the idea of getting married out of doors, in a forest or by a river or something and mixing in casual with smart dress...laid back, chilled, relaxed, fun atmosphere. I can't stand those over the top weddings!! With the gigantic dresses! Gah! It should be about me and my love, and me showing my dedication to him in front of the people who matter the most to us.
This is me, tooooo. I don't want anyone there who I (or my future husband) don't really care about. I fantasize about my wedding a lot, but I don't want it to be over the top. I want it to be simple and beautiful.

Does anyone else try to imagine their perfect relationship every night before they go to sleep?
I used to do this (ever since I was really young)...but then I found it. Now I just dream about reality. Not even exaggerating.
 
#14 ·
A few years ago I met this guy I was really into and I was obsessed with the idea of getting married, but now the whole thing freaks me out. I guess its come from thinking about finances and all the adult responsibilty that comes with it as well as not feeling like I actually deserve it. Maybe one day I'll decide its something I want, but at the moment I'm on the fence.
 
#18 ·
God no!!

I truly do not get it. Never have. It seems like a truly absurd institution. I'm happy for others to get married, but I'm not sure why they do. I am in a relationship that is like a marriage, but I'm here because I want to be, not because I'm legally obliged due to a promise.

I just don't think the tenets of marriage are realistic. It seems like a naive, realistic fairytale that people never question.

And the wedding day itself, I can't grasp what the fantasy is about. It seems fake.
 
#22 ·
The fact is that I dream about beautiful wedding, full of my friends from all over the world :) However, the daily routine of marriage scares me.

I think in my marriage I would like to be around my family, family of my future husband, friends, dogs :p to not feel so lonely.
 
#25 ·
Interested to read this now, because I was JUST thinking about this yesterday!
To be honest, as a kid I never saw myself getting married. I think I was the classical ENFP...I imagined myself “loving” somebody but I had no sense of any concept of a “long-term commitment” or “growing old” together. (Not “growing old” at all, in fact...hmm...)
Fast forward to today: I had an epiphany and realized I probably just want an secret elopement! Today I feel like my problem with the idea of marriage is that it comes with way, way too much external pressure—and in my case that means pressure from family having their own ideas about how their kids and grandkids ought to live.
Also, I feel like I have a responsibility to be an advocate for new ways of seeing marriage and commitment. Yes, I want to get married, but I want it to be between me, this future woman and God. Too many people have ideas about what “commitment” means, and I don’t want to live with that pressure. I’m imagining being married to someone but secretly...so no one knows we’re married except a few close friends.
That way if we want to experiment (polyamory, having the child[ren] raised communally, etc.) no one will care because they won’t know we were married in the first place...yet, because we ARE married, I will have declared my commitment to her (commitment in a way that makes sense to an ENFP...) so she knows no matter what crazy lifestyle experiments we try and give up I’ll still be with her...

I’m also floating different scenarios never marrying but just getting involved with one person more or less steadily for most of my life. But I don’t honestly think I’d be happy with that...

I do sort of fantasize about “marriage,” but mostly just about the fun things we’d do together, about raising a child...often about how awesome it’ll be to be obsessing over somebody 24/7 and she’ll be OK with it, haha (as opposed to now, when I get in trouble for caring too much ALL THE TIME). I think a lot about how it’ll feel to have someone who knows my deepest desires, my biggest dreams and supports me in all of them; and who pays so much attention to me that she’ll be constantly wondering what I’m thinking, if I’m happy, etc...I think a lot about the emotions themselves too, what it’ll feel like...I think about how every time I’m in a good situation I get a good vibe, so how incredibly GOOD the vibe will be when I’m with that person...
 
#37 ·
Marriage?
No.

Being a governess in a haunted castle in the 1800's? Yes.
Serving as an undercover French agent in WWII against the Nazis? Yes.
Winning the Nobel Peace Prize for some daring feat of... something or other? Yes.

Fantasizing about my great future in: dance, ballet, art performance, as a concert pianist, famous singer, best-selling author, surfer, aviator, filmmaker, etc., etc? Yes.

Marriage?
No.
 
#38 ·
+1000

My addition:

Fantasized about being a nomadic huntress accompanying elves in Middle Earth? Yes.

Being a secret assassin disguised as a maid during the Victorian era? Yes.

Being a courtesan in ancient Japan wooing men and stealing their money? Yes.

Marriage? Nopenopenope.
 
#46 ·
I've been married. Twice.

The first time to a narcassistic ESTJ (father of my children who was my high school sweetheart). (Dated 4.5 years, married 14)

The second was to what I suspect was an "unhealthy" ENTJ. (Dated 4 years, married 4.5 years)

Both MBTI's have been verified (post-marriage).

I am currently dating (5 months in) an ESFP and it is the least conflict I've had in a relationship. I love that after the other two.

Side note: The ESTJ is VERY bitter to this day that I left the relationship and 10 years later tries to make my life hell (even though he is remarried). The ENTJ and I were heartbroken that we couldn't make it work. When we are in a room together you can feel the connection, but there is nothing we can do to make it work -- we tried everything (bitter first ex didn't help matters). My ESTJ has a big history with depression that he refuses to get help for despite professional recommendations. He recently fell in love VERY QUICKLY with someone and she left her husband for him. They are moving in together and have only been exclusive for about four months... with her toddler.

But I would marry again... What the f*** is that all about? *eye roll*
 
#47 ·
Things I fantasize about?

Becoming an author.

Becoming a famous author.

Traveling the world... but only the places I really want to see/experience. Until someone comes and tells me about a place I never realized I wanted to see, and then I want to see/experience it!

Learning multiple languages.

Karma slapping my ex upside the head, hard and an unlimited number of times.

My dream apartment (I'm done with home ownership -- don't want to deal with that crap anymore)

Warm, sleepy siamese cats

Happy, successful children who love their mom

Just to name a few... I don't keep lists. lol
 
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