[SOM]

I shared some feelings about past behavior that my ENFP SO exhibited toward me, how he really pushed me away during an early part of our relationship and how much that had hurt. I almost completely left our relationship and the community that we are a part of because of it. He said that he didn't see it, didn't remember doing that, but that he could see why he would have done that and explained why. I totally understood. That conversation was a few weeks ago. Today he put out there that he didn't believe that he had done that. Now what? I didn't even tell him the whole story, how 2 other people saw the same thing I saw, I didn't even tell him how much it had really hurt me. I totally understand why he did what he did, I don't hold it against him, I didn't even tell him until it was necessary because of where our relationship is now. But to have him backtrack now, and deny that it even happened, I am flabbergasted. Anyone have any insight?

[variablestar]

Hmm. The way I (personally! Someone else will probably see it differently) see it, there are three main explanations for this.

One, he sincerely doesn't remember it (I don't know if it's an ENFP trait or just one of my own, but I have terrible memory, especially for things that happen with other people) and is kind of hurt that you would think he would do something like that or would keep bringing it up. He might be thinking, "The past is the past, what's the point?"

Two, he does remember it and is embarrassed.

Three, I remember reading that an unhealthy ENFP can be very manipulative. This could potentially be the problem?

[SOM]

Hmm. The way I (personally! Someone else will probably see it differently) see it, there are three main explanations for this.

One, he sincerely doesn't remember it (I don't know if it's an ENFP trait or just one of my own, but I have terrible memory, especially for things that happen with other people) and is kind of hurt that you would think he would do something like that or would keep bringing it up. He might be thinking, "The past is the past, what's the point?"

Two, he does remember it and is embarrassed.

Three, I remember reading that an unhealthy ENFP can be very manipulative. This could potentially be the problem?

I know he doesn't remember it, it was a subconscious thing, a defense. I understand that. Or even that he knows it at some level, but it doesn't fit with his perception of who he is. Okay. But at first his response was that he trusted my perception, and saw why he would do that.

I am not the one that brings it up, he does. He kept saying how he couldn't believe that he almost pushed me away, how he couldn't stand the thought that I might not have been in his life. He asked if I really would have left, I said yes, permanently. That was when he questioned my perception. I brought up instances, he discounted them. It is absolutely maddening to be discounted like that.

I know he is an unhealthy ENFP, as I am an unhealthy INFJ (water seeks it's own level). I have been trying for years to learn and live healthier ways. When you say unhealthy ENFP's can be manipulative, in what manner would this be a manipulation? What would be the goal?