[Tridentus]

every time i take a personality test i feel conflicted. the test says "what you've been like for most of your life", but for me that's a hard question.
so i'm curious about how ENFPs develop and whether there is any pattern in it.

1-5
definitely a happy adventurous baby. i have vague recollections of this age and from descriptions from relatives i know i was a smiley happy child, but even then i can recall feeling that i saw things differently from others. i was very assertive compared to my friends at the time and had no concept of social boundaries or shyness.. i couldn't understand why kids didn't want to leave mommy for school- school was awesome!

5-10
around this time you could swear i was an introvert. i had family troubles with my mom and step-dad arguing every night and often my mom would take me out of the house to get away from him and we'd end up staying at her friend's house. so looking back i guess it could have been cos if stress, but i was quite a quirky child. i had friends, but when i moved school i was very shy for the first year or two, until i met the group who would be my childhood friends..

crap the library is closing. ill finish this later. yay! wireless is still on! i'm just sitting outside like a hobo leeching off the dregs of internet even though the place is closed.

ok. i met my first group of friends who lived near me at school. i used to annoy the crap out of their parents' by staying over all the time but it was awesome. i was still a less than assertive child, and i remember being very sensitive and always wanting to do the right thing and be nice. over the last couple of years before i moved to england i was growing in confidence i guess, but i can't believe i used to hang out with the same 3-4 people all the time since i can never do that nowadays. the first time i tasted ENFP awesomeness was high school where i went for just a year before england. i had so many friends it was insane, but i still wasn't that assertive. i was a lot more booksmart than nowadays though, i guess you could say i was a geeky child. i read a LOT which i hardly ever do anymore.

11-15
i guess it was around this time i stopped being the quirky quiet kid and started feeling more confident. i had a spell when i moved to england when i was shy at first but settled in. i guess summer camp when i was 13,14,15 really helped. probably when i was 14-15 was when i really exploded into ENFPness and started going in my own direction instead of following others. i started finding that i was superconfident when meeting new people and people would follow me and look to me, which was a massive change from who i used to be. i was still a sensitive kid- far more sensitive than i am now. 15 was when i first found out girls liked the whole friendly thing i had going on, but i was a sickly romantic too. i remember being serious about joining the navy for about five years, WOW would that have been a bad idea.

16-18
probably the biggest period of change and growth in my entire life. this age was all about finding myself, and i'm such a different person to the ideal of myself i had back then. i was the smart kid who was good at maths, was ambitious and wanted to be a lawyer and was an incurable romantic about every girl i went out with- even though that glass shattering moment would always happen incredibly quickly and i'd inevitably get bored. obviously i don't want to be a lawyer anymore, i don't see myself as "smart", just average, and i'm a lot more realistic about my expectations with girls. i also realised lots of things about myself, like that i LOVE novelty, and of course i found out about mbti which has made me realise i want to do psychology at uni. i went through a faze where i was obsessed with health though, it was weird, i was stressed and left school for college the following year, but i would run miles everyday, count callories and do research about health and shit, yeah weird. i read that this is something to do with Si, but weird.



at 19 i'm doing a year out travelling in australia. nowadays i take things in my stride far easier than i used to, i like just going with the flow and having fun, i guess i feel like i know myself better than i ever have, and i'm LOVING INDEPENDENCE!! it's exactly as good as i thought it would be- i actually get to choose whatever the hell i wanna do now! the world is my fucking oyster and it tastes so good..

ok that was an essay and a half. i hope you guys read this, i know i probably made it wayyy too long but oh well.

[little infinity]

That was interesting to read. I'll do one of my own for research purposes

1 to 5 years
I was also a smiling, happy baby. My parents claim I was much easier to handle than my two younger sisters. Things like potty training, taking away my bottle & pacifier, etc. all apparently went very smoothly. I learned to read when I was three and started to play piano when I was five. I loved learning in general and I was ready to start kindergarten when I was 4, so I started a year early.

6 to 10 years
The dark ages... dun dun dun. In order to start school early, I had to go to a private school, and my mom ended up disliking it and pulling me out midway through 1st grade. I was homeschooled until 6th grade, which consisted of her dumping books/assignments on my desk in the morning before she left for work for me to tackle on my own. Essentially, I taught myself everything up through the 6th grade, which didn't bother me or strike me as odd since I didn't know it wasn't supposed to be that way.

My parents never really gave me any opportunities to socialize with other kids, so these years are when I really started living in my own head to entertain myself. My home environment wasn't the best, so I disliked being there... I started drawing a lot, but piano really was my only joy. I was always unreasonably scared my parents would stop paying for my lessons. I absolutely loved it and threw myself into it.

11-15 years
The awkward child. My parents put me back in school in the 7th grade, and I was painfully shy, having not interacted with people really at all for the first half of my school career. Though I was really socially challenged, I absolutely loved having the opportunity to make friends since it was something I hadn't really experienced since I was very little. By the end of middle school, I had a solid group of friends I really loved, but I went to a different high school and had to start fresh.

It was also around that time, when I was 13 or so, that I quit piano because I didn't feel challenged enough. (BAD! *smacks self on wrist* Why did you do that?!)

When I started high school is when I started to really find myself, though I was still painfully quiet. I was in the honors program and decided my main goal in life was to get the heck out of my small town and into a good college. I devoted myself to my studies and those always came first. I met people whose company I enjoyed, but there weren't many people at my high school I really "clicked" with, although that is where I met my very best friend of seven years now, who is an INFJ.

16-18 years
These were the years of the most conflict with my family. I always felt more mature than my peers, and sometimes even my mother. At this point in my life, I wanted to be treated like an adult, although I was, of course, far from it. I graduated from high school at 17 and was so excited to finally ditch the rural area I grew up in and explore an entirely new environment. I got a great scholarship to a great school (though I didn't get into Princeton like I had hoped Okay, that was a bit of a delusion...) and was very excited to be surrounded by people of a similar intellectual mindset to myself. Most of my high school friends went off to community college or the state school and we lost touch.

19-20 years
Now! These past two years have been the source of a lot of soul searching and I feel more in touch with myself than I have ever before. Right after I turned 19 is when I discovered MBTI, which obviously helped. My self-esteem and relationship with my family have improved a lot since I'm no longer stuck in that environment. College has given me some of the best friends I'll ever have. I've also fought with bouts of depression and have honestly seen some of the best and worst days of my life in this time. It's a weird stage to be going through-- not quite an adult, not quite grown... I just finished the first semester of my junior year and I'm already a bit prepared to move on to the next stage of my life, a career in graphic design, but I still have a little ways to go.


Sorry that was so jumbled... I'm scared to even look at how long that was. Hahaha.

[dejavu]

Fascinating reads, guys! I felt so different growing up, so it's great to see how others of my same personality type did with it. I'll go ahead and share what my experience was.

1-5
I was shy and mostly surrounded by adults all the time, which ended up teaching me how to speak very properly while still very young. I was happy and imaginative, very active. An interesting note: When my parents would sit down to read me a story, I would never be able to sit still, and would crawl all over them or run around the room. Fed up with me, they'd say I wasn't listening, but in fact, it was the only way I could listen closely and I would be able to repeat the story back to them with enthusiasm. I was very easy to raise, barely got into trouble, but I loved to explore my surroundings.

6-10
I was still shy around adults, but I was a lot more confident by this age. By then, I had a ton of friends and they were my world. I was very happy during these years. I fit in well, I was outgoing, creative, excelling in gymnastics and school. I was hyper a lot, but also very daydreamy. My parents got called in by my 3rd grade teacher because, during class one day, I daydreamed so deeply that I slowly but surely slid out of my chair and onto the floor.

11-15
Trouble started here. I was good at age 11. My popularity in school peaked at that age and I was doing very well overall, very outgoing, in every club, friends with everybody and doing well in school. At age 12, something traumatic happened that I won't go into here, and everything went downhill. I became awkward and shy, very sensitive, and started to withdraw into my own head and introvert all the time. I switched schools in 7th grade and made friends, but by 8th grade I was so far gone and depressed that I started to ease away from them. I argued with my mom a lot. I started to focus less on people and more on projects and distractions. By age 15, I was diagnosed with ADD and medicated, which helped my depression a bit.

16-18
Still pretty awkward during these years. Family life was extremely unstable and I experienced a lot of traumatic things. There isn't much to say about these years...I was shadowing as an INFJ, feeling depressed, and trying to find myself. I had very few friends and was feeling hopeless that I'd find anybody who cared.

19-21
Things finally started looking up around 20, when I decided to face the demons in my past and work on how I might improve my life. I started to remember who I was and started to build confidence in myself again. Family life is still tense and unstable, but as an adult, I'm detached from it a bit more. I'm still struggling to get back in touch with old friends and build new relationships. I'm in college, still undecided on what I'd like to do with my life, which isn't so uncommon, I guess. I discovered MBTI a long time ago, but I focused on it more at age 20 and it gave me a greater understanding of myself and others.

I get the feeling that my life was made so difficult because I was developing Fi right at the same time that bad things happened to me. Just a theory, though! It was a tough ride, but I learned a lot.

[Tridentus]

great replies guys. thanks.

this was pretty much what i was hoping for, i feel like i relate to both your posts. it's interesting that we've had similar ups and downs and soulsearching in the late teens.

viva i totally went through a similar thing at 16-18. from about 16 i felt like i could talk to people much older than me no problem and actually connect with them on their level, i'm every bit the wildchild around friends but give me an older person and i become a 40 year old- my mom in the meantime has the capacities of a 16 year old most of the time. and i felt like i'd outgrown my rural town by 15 and ever since then i've been waiting to escape the place- which i have now accomplished and feel so much better for it. i've felt trapped there for a long time.

this is good stuff

[ENFPie]

crap the library is closing. ill finish this later. yay! wireless is still on! i'm just sitting outside like a hobo leeching off the dregs of internet even though the place is closed.

LOL i looooove that randomness...and why the hell not!

OK here goes...Ive mashed up the years a little bit, hope that doesn't matter too much....

1-3 - Baby
Very smiley happy joyful baby. Obviously, I dont have alot to say here....I was only baba

3-10 - Schooling
Nursery/Preschool started....Extremely shy, didn't want to be separated from my Mum and would scream until I was sick. I found out a few months ago the extent of the violence (and although I did not see much of it....I have ears!) and I can only assume that because of Ne, this affected me in this way. I felt extremely isolated in Primary school and didn't form any strong bonds with other children but did get fairly smitten with one lady teacher (the kind of Mrs Honey from Matilda...very loving and gentle).

11-14
When i entered secondary school and my teenage years I became really angry and uncooperative (like most teenagers but with a fury! Again I believe this came from my younger years experiences). I was bullied all through school and again, maintained a level of one of two friends, who I wasn't close to at all, probably partly due to my bad attitude. My school reports say all the way through Primary and Secondary, that i was very quiet and should try harder. I was mostly respectful to my teachers, but not so much to my peers who teased my shyness which lead me to be angry. Again, I bonded with a couple of teachers who I think saw past my shyness and that I was actually a decent person underneath all the hostility. Around this time, home life was also erupting and Id frequently be having bust ups with my Mum and Dad (mainly my Mum strangely...I dont understand that when Dad was the actual one I should have been annoyed at). Bunking off school and going to sit on my own in an isolated spot was common. I just became a rebel, a caring rebel though, because ive maintain my desire to help and care for others throughout. I ended up dropping a couple of subjects at school and sat there thinking angry thoughts for the rest of my exams so the grades aren't really what they could have been.

15-18
Started using drugs while dating my first boyfriend. Became even more reckless yet still caring and protective of my family often shown through agressive outbursts. Very promiscuous.

18-22
Second partner moved away from home at this stage, still being reckless, i'd only known him a few months. Had frequent anger outbursts and spiralling depression (undiagnosed). Had my first child when I was 20, had postnatal depression and felt completely isolated. Split with this partner when I was 22 - I guess I was starting to mature and realised I didnt actually love him - Behaved recklessly again on the split, having to get away and took my child and moved out while he cleared his things and behaved horribly towards him for a couple of years after this.

22-27
Met my third partner who I stayed with for 5 years and separated with when early this year. Had I remained single I think I may have sorted my head out to where I am now because because he was very abusive, it kind of added to the problems. I had my second child when I was 25, no depression this time. Mothering felt alot easier to both of my children now.

28 ........
probably the biggest period of change and growth in my entire life. this age was all about finding myself, and i'm such a different person to the ideal of myself i had back then. - Thank you to Tridentus for this quote...it fits very well. Over the years early early years of parenting, Ive become a fantastic, loving and doing right by my children type of Mum, but it was the stuff underneath that was completely tangled in knots. I dated someone in the summer but throughout it didnt feel right, I realised I was creating a pattern and I had to be on my own to find myself. Now 3 months after going on the quest to finding myself (Tridentus...i remember you replied to one of my first posts about not knowing how I was....that was the beginning). Now 3 months on, Im still a loving, caring, understanding person but im calmer, I know myself more and Im becoming more aware of my life purpose which is simply to know myself and to be true to myself...that will take me on my right path and fufill my life purpose.

I suppose this will be much different to other ENFPs but I still wanted to contribute and its actually been really helpful, I can see how all the things that Ive experienced and the choices Ive had have held me back so at the ripening age of 28....Ive matured emtionally and mentally, I feel like Ive wasted quite a bit of time but I look around me and see other older who are doing the same thing I was doing and not being true to themselves....So in hindsight, im getting there now and I couldnt be happier..

Thanks T...good post

Pie x

[etherealuntouaswithin]

interesting...1-7: a rather amiable child, notable in voidance of abjection or affectation,(and though quite lonely as i thought myself abandoned and alone) their resided an abundance in innocence of care(toward others), yet the beginnings of a resulting strenuosity as to the "toughness" introduced by others(particularly my mother) and that to whom i was (am) truly.

8-13: Thus began in earnest an allusion in persona to that in which is percieved "tough" delinquent behaviors,noisomely disturbing behavior(as of my opinion) much turbulence(within myself and in communications with others), a furthering of the fissure i then identified as being "normally different"(both in who i felt i was in truth and the opposing dynamic of behaviors) and a resulting (total)mistrust and disdain for all outside of "the self"

14-17:A persistance in juvenile(and other "left of center") activities further distanced myself from others(irrespective of the misfits/delinquents/and outcasts like myself) and as i became certain that i was to retire my being to such things, an overwhelming despair consumed me and a consequential self loathing for lack of understanding as to why i felt this way; with greater immersion within self for reason of loathing, a greater reflection took place and later gave way to introspection. and as i recognized a "void" within myself(and all inauthentic behaviors as a result) i became increasingly concerned with "truth" "authenticity" and "being myself" both for myself and others. And as this manifested itself to a greater extent, i began to feel myself to be once more(as in 1-7)" authentically me" .

17-?:there is now present unto my form clarity of purpose, and i will strive toward the aquisition of this "purpose" for the rest of my days tbc lol...

[Paradox1987]

Hmmm, a very interesting topic; and so I'll give it a whirl:

1-5

Can't really say much. I was a very amiable and extremely observant child. Overly inquisitive and my parents recognised that I had the gift of the gab then. Not only this, but I learned how to read by age 2 and I never looked back. I still spend my leisure "down time" nose deep in a good book.

6-11

Growing up, I wasn't particularly popular in the conventional sense. I excelled at school, always respectful and very easy to get on with. I would be very random, but having a slightly overprotective and somewhat overbearing ENTJ mother led me quickly to feel slightly alone. I had friends, and was always involved, but I was also nicely bullied as the chubby kid and what not... Still enthralled by good books and very creative. Abstract paintings, colours and stories came so naturally to me.

12-15
I was pretty much model child. It was the hardest period of my life though. Once again, having slightly overbearing and demanding parents didn't help. I was always around friends. I was known as the "nice guy" back then. Anything I could help with I was there. I was good at field hockey and I knew I was good academically. Overall, my teachers loved me, and so did the more "mature" members of my cohort. I was still random, and quick to go on a flight of fancy, but in those years I really came out of my shell. I discovered female friends and I quickly realised that I didn't get on hugely well with males. I had a lot more female friends than male, this led to rumours about me being gay, which wasn't pleasant. However, it was always water off my back. By 15, I was much more confident and more people would flock to me to really hear what I had to say. I developed a group of tight knit friends and I was more accepted. I was more creative and started writing poetry. Still the quintessential "nice guy".

16-18
I really came into my own. I was craving independence and with university coming closer, I could taste it. Having never been overly close to my family, I was more involved with my social life. I was happier on stage with my band behind the drums than anywhere else. I still mostly got on with elder people and teachers often referred to me as a joy to teach. Always respectful, easy to talk to and always eager to listen. I became a little (not much, mind) less talkative. Very happy to be in a daydream of my life to come, as far as I was concerned I was on the cusp of my life.

19-22
Finally, I was freeeeeeeeeeee!!! I was so happy. The world was my oyster, every day was full of possibilities. I still felt a little "different" to everyone. For the first time in my life, I was able to make some male friends. However, this was the year that all that repression and mistrust that I had from feeling so "unique" when life turned upside down. I quickly went into overdrive. Fell into a lot of bad habits and fell prey to bipolar disorder. Still not very close to my family, I resent them less over these years. I was happier about being me. Had my first girlfriend, this really blew up in my face. Then I left to live in Denmark for a year. This really brought me into my own. I learned to be happy with my own company, rather than constantly seeking people out. I became more focussed and more poetic. I still always felt older than my peers. I became more outspoken about my beliefs in these years. In many ways, Dickens has said it better, "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

23
Possibly the worst year of my life in so many ways. However, praise be to the friends I made 19-22! They pulled me through. Proudest moment of my life followed, I was called to the Bar of England and Wales. Finally, having achieved the dream of becoming a lawyer I felt a joy within myself that I can't explain. Having spent a lot of time being hedonistic, rebellious; but equally (paradoxically) respectful, kind, caring and so forth. I went on a journey in which I promised I'd always put myself first. Spent a couple of months in Mongolia, and today I plan to do my Masters degree, split between the USA and Holland. I still get called up on my age. I'm always told I act like the eldest, I'm actually one of the younger ones though. I'm usually confused for 26-28, but am actually 23. I'm still quick to be drawn into a good book, and the shower is still my favourite place to daydream. However, I feel a lot more comfortable being just me.

It's been a hell of a journey, but the overall theme has always been hedonism mixed with this aura of "age and wisdom". I'm so random when you get to know me, always open and willing to help, but it took me a while to accept that none of this was negative; it was just me. Today, I can officially say, "bring on 24 baby!!!"

[Tridentus]

people see me as older too somehow, especially since i've been in aus. most people when i ask them put me at around 25, i'm like wth!

[Dreamer_Dynamic]

at 19 i'm doing a year out travelling in australia. nowadays i take things in my stride far easier than i used to, i like just going with the flow and having fun, i guess i feel like i know myself better than i ever have, and i'm LOVING INDEPENDENCE!! it's exactly as good as i thought it would be- i actually get to choose whatever the hell i wanna do now! the world is my fucking oyster and it tastes so good..

I spent half a year in Australia when I was 20. From the U.S. Are you from the UK? It was THE BEST EXPERIENCE EVER AND I LOVED IT. I still miss it :) Enjoyyyy.

[WMDistraction]

1-5
Hardly no recollection of what happened here, but evidently I was adventuresome. According to others, I crawled and climbed everywhere.

I had a hard time hearing until I had my adenoids out at 2, which is when I could actually comprehend speech enough to start talking. As my mom says, "Ever since then, you haven't shut up!" I was the classic "question" child.

6-10
I was still asking questions. I remember asking my dad one time, "Why is the word for whale 'whale'?" I had many of these questions. I was fairly introverted at this point, to be honest. I had very few, but extremely close, friends.

11-15
This was a very boring period of time for me. Besides the whole puberty thing, I was a pretty average and unremarkable kid besides the fact that I did extremely well in school. I still had very few friends.

16-18
Here's where everything really started to change. I got my first girlfriend, became very social, and headed quite a few leadership positions and had a few leading roles in a couple of musicals. I went from that "shy kid" no one knew about to "that kid who may or may not be full of himself." I also changed from conservative to liberal and from Christian to atheist.

19-20
I've changed a lot... again. I've completely defied the limits imposed on me by my parents. They're good limits, I just--y'know--had to find out why they were there for myself. Nothing goes untested! It's for... SCIENCE!... Yeah, we'll stick with that for now. I'm what the "normal" people call a "hippie." NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH A HIPSTER! This is because I truly believe that fundamental human nature is good and we can cooperate to do amazing things. Evidently, most people are pessimistic (they say "realistic"... pfft), but I say BAH to that.