[ponyjoyride]

My ENFP friend has been lately really down. He has a boring job in a boring company and all of his co-workers seem to be some sort of STJs. He hates his job and it makes him miserable and tired so he doesn't have energy to do any of the things he enjoy and even though he does them he's still so tired that he can't enjoy them. Besides he's a single and that frustrates him also a lot. I don't think that the work is the only thing that brings him down. He's 30 and he still hasn't figured out what he wants to do when he grows up. I think, and he admits this too, that the problem is that he can visualize so clearly in his head the PERFECT life he could have yet the reality isn't like that. Lately he has started to talk about how suicide would be the best option and I'm really worried because he's on my top 5 list of the most awesome persons I've ever met.



So I've been trying to prove him that besides all the sad and shitty things there are also a lot of great things in life. We have now been in an amusement park, played with legos (he loves legos) and tried to get him laid but none of this seems to work. And I'm worried that my attempts to engage him in fun activities will comsume his energy only more. I don't know if the best thing would be to just give him time and space but then I guess being too ignoring isn't a good thing either. So please tell me: if you're in a rut what's the best thing a friend can do for you?

[difromoz]

Hi Ponyjoyride...
It's unusual for ENFPs to stay down for very long as that's not our nature however; when faced with the frustration of not knowing what path to take; ie career, etc- it can be really daunting because we inspire others and if in a rut and surrounded by too much negativity (in this case the STJs who aren't so much negative but realists that we view as overly negative) the energy literally sucks the life out of us.

For me...too many negative details will kill me..period! The best options / remedies are:
Take your friend to see a good comedy
Get him to use some kind of affirmations / pictures / anything that he equates with feeling good...stick them up everywhere (that's suitable obviously)...this can really help as it's visual
Check up on him but don't smother him...(fine line)

If I think of anything else I'll post it for ya...Good luck!

[Rube]

My ENFP friend has been lately really down. He has a boring job in a boring company and all of his co-workers seem to be some sort of STJs. He hates his job and it makes him miserable and tired so he doesn't have energy to do any of the things he enjoy and even though he does them he's still so tired that he can't enjoy them. Besides he's a single and that frustrates him also a lot. I don't think that the work is the only thing that brings him down. He's 30 and he still hasn't figured out what he wants to do when he grows up. I think, and he admits this too, that the problem is that he can visualize so clearly in his head the PERFECT life he could have yet the reality isn't like that. Lately he has started to talk about how suicide would be the best option and I'm really worried because he's on my top 5 list of the most awesome persons I've ever met.

So I've been trying to prove him that besides all the sad and shitty things there are also a lot of great things in life. We have now been in an amusement park, played with legos (he loves legos) and tried to get him laid but none of this seems to work. And I'm worried that my attempts to engage him in fun activities will comsume his energy only more. I don't know if the best thing would be to just give him time and space but then I guess being too ignoring isn't a good thing either. So please tell me: if you're in a rut what's the best thing a friend can do for you?

No, what you're doing is good; he needs to get out and spend time with people that care about him. My suggestion would be to try to talk him into going to see a therapist, and maybe change jobs too. But if he doesn't like that idea just continue to be there for him, and don't suddenly stop paying attention to him in an attempt to give him space. In his state of mind he'll probably think that you don't like him anymore, and that'll make things much worse. Oh, and try to not let him withdraw too much, because depressed people tend to do that and that's HORRIBLE for them.

[spifffo]

Maybe volunteer work would help, or a community service project, or an art project...something to bring him a sense of meaning and to remind him that no matter where he is in the world, he always has the power to make it a better place. I know I find that thought very empowering.

[ponyjoyride]

Thanks for your answers :)

He's already seeing a therapist and I also think that maybe he should quit his job and search a more humanitarian job. I'll definitely continue doing these things with him. I just had a moment of doubt that maybe I'm too suffocating :)

[marzipan01]

I think what you're doing is right too. And I always find my two best friends an INFP and an ENFP have a way of cheering me up. I love the amusement park thing! Oh, you are a good friend. Well, I just know that I've felt trapped before in careers and couldn't find the courage to leave because I think it is the nature of the ENFP to not accept defeat. We just can't handle it because giving up is like failing only worse because we failed on the inside. This creates a problem because we can't leave situations that we should. I know the market is tough or whatever but you have got to tell him that he can leave and it will be no big deal. That way if he doesn't leave he will feel like he is choosing to stay. Or, hopefully, he'll quit and find something better. Also, I start thinking gloomy thoughts when I have to take better care of my body. Tell him to drink some water or take a nap. Seriously, we have a tendency to forget about those kinds of things!

[StevieRay]

Yeah don't feel like you are suffocating him; I know for me when I need support I hate it when people try to get away from me. I feel so bad for him right now and I will be praying for him. I've been in ruts that I couldn't get out of; just got out of one that lasted 3 years after a divorce... What keeps that depression going is ussualy self perpetuated... He needs to do things with action and his feelings will follow suit. Steps in a good direction!