[Wicked game x]

Well,the question is,did u ever get bullied in school,did u ever been attacked or shamed in front of people and didn't know how to give back to attacker?

Well,i did and i have had lot's of problem growing up when other men kids beats u and u don't know how to give them back what they deserve...




And i dreamed a lot of time that i'm just as bad as Jean Claude Van Damme and can kick their's asses but that never happened...

So,others male ENFP's,did u had same problems like me?

Please don't tell me that i'm the only one...

[Efraim]

I did. I stutter and therefore I was a target of bullies quite often. My stuttering probably resembled weakness in their eyes. However, when I was about 13 I stood up against them. Poor guys. :D After few fights (which I won) we even became friends. I think they started to respect me for some reason...

[Hardstyler]

People tendto take me as weak at first sight but I have a lions courage in my heart to fight back as long as they start it. I end it usually with them on them on the ground within 10 seconds crying stuggling to breath. (my dad taught me Muy Thai when I was 8)

[Essay]

I grew freakishly tall in grade school, but had a timid reputation, so it seemed like anyone who wanted the ego-boost of taking down a giant would try to start something with me. I got out of that rut eventually when my charisma blossomed, and I learned how to talk my way out of fights and into my bullies' hearts.

[Wicked game x]

Kids can be very agressive,i really had lot of problem and in some way i'm glad that i'm not alone in that...

My problem is lack of courage...That's why i started boxing and lovin' it but street is different then sport...

In Croatia,when u i tough everybody likes u...

[WildHeart]

Ok, after making it into my 40`s, surviving the biggest storm of my life (sort of), and turning my world completely upside down, it appears that I have just discovered there ARE others like me. A year of therapy later and I can still hardly believe it. I have an adrenaline rush just from the act of typing here. So please excuse my exuberance. I have been reading here for weeks and weeks... this is my first post.

I am ENFP through and through. No matter how many times I take the test, same result. But it appears I may be unusual in that I most certainly have some serious alpha tendencies. But it wasn`t always like that. Very early in life (age 3 and again at age 5) I experienced near death (I was pulled from a local lake unconscious twice - slow learner I guess). The fear and panic I felt before losing consciousness is something I still remember vividly from both episodes. It literally branded my psyche with the realization that fear itself is the worst part of almost any bad experience, truly.

As my early years progressed I soon found myself in the position of being bullied at school etc. Of course, the more one gets bullied, the more obvious we appear to be low hanging fruit for the other would-be bullies. They seem to sense our weakness - our fear. Eventually I changed schools at grade 7 and 8. I hoped -no prayed- that things would be different. But soon the bullying was worse than ever. Eventually I found myself running to my locker in panic so as to get off the grounds before they caught me. I would get off the bus near home and go hide somewhere so I could cry and give myself time to dry my eyes before getting home. I didn`t want my parents to see me. Within time, my fears elevated into full blown anxiety and near panic. This was something of a de ja vu regarding my earlier drowning experiences. For me, fear is the worst part of anything... worse than the idea of death itself.

Near the end of grade 8 I decided I would rather be beaten up (a regular occurrence anyway) or even dead, than to live in such fear. So, I fought back, and fought back...and fought back. It did not take long before I was very good at fighting back and the years ticked by. Soon I found myself fighting back mostly for others who could not fight back for themselves for one reason or another. Sometimes those people were complete strangers. The fighting continued for years - well into my early 30`s. It never seemed to end. It seemed the more dangerous and risky the situation was, the more likely I was to "fight back". Given that I spent my early years in the music industry, I found myself in many environments which readily lead me into this sort of behaviour on a regular basis. Invariably these altercations involved the more unsavoury elements in our society. In my area, this meant "Bikers", and lots of them.

The stakes were getting higher for me. I had been arrested and charged with assault and excessive force four times. But I was emboldened by the fact that the courts threw out the charges in all four instances because I was deemed to "be in the right" and not the instigator of the violence. But the truth is, I wasn`t exactly turning the other cheek either. I was jumping on the opportunities to mete out my idea of "justice" (rightly or wrongly) as I continued to battle my old nemesis - fear.

At one point I was deliberately run down by a guy in a car. I recovered and it was back to fighting as usual. Later a guy tried to stab me...

But then a turning point came when an altercation went terribly wrong and someone nearly died; a friend of mine who was just an innocent bystander. It was then that I started to appreciate that my actions could have a far reaching impact beyond that of just myself. I realized that my actions could really hurt someone who didn`t deserve it; maybe even someone I loved. It was a painful realization and lead to more fear.

So why am I telling you all of this? Well, at the risk of giving bad advice I can honestly say that I would probably do it all the same way if I had to do it over again. For me it was far better to stand up and fight for myself than to live in fear or bow to a bully. But, BUT, I was lucky. There was and is a cost; a cost that could have been MUCH higher. Perhaps if I was not so lucky, and paid that higher cost my opinion would be different. However, looking back I must add that I am not convinced that I used the absolute best approach for my particular problem (more on this in a minute)

Another reason I am sharing all of this is to point out that fighting back (depending on how one does it) tends to become self-perpetuating as violence begets violence (another painful lesson).

To this day, I would still fight if necessary. But thankfully I find very little reason to really fight. When I do, it does not escalate into anything physical. I am simply not around the types of people or environments that would lead me into such a conflict. And when I do find myself in such an environment, I have no fear. I know I can look after myself and those around me if I must. This is an important point; not the bravado, but the lack of fear.

I have become a father, a husband, a doctor and many other things. But after all these years, I still have not figured out very much about myself. I am still forced to battle the only real foe I have ever really had - fear. I STILL feel like a child attempting to do battle with his fear. A year ago I lost a major battle with fear - most decisively - and it cost me dearly. Now I find myself here in the process of rebuilding, or fully destroying, what I once was (not sure which yet). But I have learned something in the process, and it is important. "Fear" is what I was really fighting all those years, not the bullies. I was fighting my own fears indirectly through the "bullies".

A bully can smell fear like a wolf smells blood. When that happens, a veritable feeding frenzy can occur. You may move or change schools thinking that might fix the problem. But there are bullies everywhere and they all prey on the same stuff - fear. The more you are bullied, the more you fear. Then, the more bullies you will attract.

Find a way to conquer/control your fear directly and you will have what I believe you seek without the use of physical violence. Do this and you will accomplish far more than any "Jean Claude Van Damme" could ever provide. A bully has NOTHING over you if they cannot have your fear. Give them no fear -zero- and watch how things change...both within you, and in their response to you. It takes time and practice, but it can be done.


All the best

[WakeHopper]

Well of course I was.... wasn't a lot of people bullied and such in school? kinda common I think. At the worst part I was verbally harnessed every day. Emotionally that hurt more then anything else and it took a long time to figure out her(yes I had a chick bully) motive behind it.

She just wanted attention and found it fun to bully me since I couldn't fight back. Funny.... i beat that by just ignoring her, works every time for those kinda people. You could tell she was defiantly not loved by anyone... sad when you think about it now.

[AgAu]

Wildheart -That's one helluva Post #1

So much good stuff to respond to in there. I'm only going to pick a couple points for right now, will come back for more though.

SEEE! I told you all that Alpha-ENFP exists. It's totally freaky scary that you mention bikers as your hair trigger. They're mine too. Some day you'll probably read the headline on how AgAu was gunned down in a road rage incident when he provoked a dumb ass biker who drives like shit and endangers people on the roadway. Like you, at least the courts will find me not responsible for the incident. Lots of good it'll do me to be dead right though.

You are so so so right about conquering fear. When I'm mentally strong and in charge of my fear, nobody can intimidate me, bullies know this and move on to the next target. How do they know, I have no idea. They just figure it out.

When fear starts to creep in and my confidence shaken, I fight back. I don't fight back physically though. I expose them. I figure out what it is that they're afraid of (all bullies are afraid, it's why they bull) (I am damn good at figuring it out too) and I use it against them. Flat out announcing to a crowd, preferably their bully friends, what it is they're compensating for is deadly. I fight this battle of wits so well that I have never lost in this arena. It's really bad though, I'm not at all proud of this behavior. The problem is here that I'm the bully now. I'm just better at it than they are. And yes, I'm compensating for my own fears (it's why I'm bulling).

When my fear gets too high, I just retreat into my own thoughts and disappear. I can't face anyone friend or foe. As a child, I was in this mode constantly. I haven't been in this place for almost 20 years. I'm hoping not to go back but I suspect it could happen.

All three of these reactions for me are direct result of my alpha tendencies. The mentally strong stage sets me as alpha because I'm unshakable. A bully who wants to be the top dog isn't getting the spot because he's powerless against me and he knows it. It might take the rest of the crowd a while to realize who's at the top of the ladder but the bully who would most likely try and claim that spot knows he's not able to get it and sooner or later everyone else figures out why.

The fight back stage - I can claim the alpha spot by kicking the bully. This doesn't always work though, because if I'm in the company of an in charge and in control alpha he wins by default. I yield to him because I know he's kept himself in check better than I and he deserves the post. I'm not going to undercut him, I respect him.

The retreat stage - I'm not even seen in a group while in this stage. Loner, disconnected and invisible. Thank God I haven't been in this place in decades, I hope never to go back here. I'm still alpha but alpha in a group of one.

[cal47]

I was always the short kid so I got picked on quite a bit. However, i was rarely picked on twice by the same person. I always stood up for myself. WildHeart makes an excellent point on bullies and fear. I was never afraid to defend myself. So if i got shoved and i came back with a punch they would be really surprised. In my experience they where never looking for a fight, they just wanted to belittle the short guy and make themselves feel good. But if they started pushing me around it was a fight they got and they'd usually back off after that. What's funny to me is in the elementary school days, after I took a swing at them they'd go tattle on me and I'd never get in trouble for it because the teachers new exactly what was going on when the biggest kid in class is crying about get slugged by the shortest guy in class lol.

[Wicked game x]

Thanks guys for posting,i'm 27 i now i know that i still have a problem with fear.

My mum always teach me that i u'r scare to drive car u should to exactly that - drive a car.

But,the worst thing in ENFP's is that we hate to hurt others feelings so we r lack of agressive.

Cheers