[ENFP] Who's side are you on?

[energeticelephant]

Hello everyone!

I wanted to know about this, because I just sort of stumbled upon it in my brain.

When I was growing up, my parents were going through a nasty divorce that they threw me right in the middle of. One would always try to pit me against the other and my response was always I'm not on anybody's side, I'm on MY side!

Now I realise that this is how I view conflict in general anywhere in my life. It always kind of bothers me when I'm expected to "take sides" since my side tends to be "well, crap, I see the good and bad points of both."

I don't even tend to hold loyalties. Like, if it's my best friend against my worst enemy, I'll still be sitting somewhere in the middle.

I wanted to know if you other ENFPs have a similar outlook!

[rachelbird26]

yeah, I definitely don't like to take sides in a conflict, I just want to end the conflict...

[WMDistraction]

My first girlfriend would always get extremely pissed at me because some of my friends didn't necessarily have good opinions of her, and I wouldn't take sides. I'd just watch. I can tell where a friend's opinion is justified, but I don't want to tell her that, and I can also see why her opinion is justified, but I can't necessarily tell my friend that.

So, in summary, I just grinned and bore it.

[sarek]

In the words of the wise treebeard, I am on no one's side because no one is altogether on my side.

More specifically, I hate conflict of any kind and just want it to go away. Because quite a few people tend to confide in me I am sometimes caught in the middle which is a highly uncomfortable spot to be in.

[Love Obsessed]

I hate choosing sides in conflict. I try to stay neutral. Like rachelbird26 said I just want the conflict to end.

[Lara Croft]

Yes...honestly, I tend to consciously put myself in the spot of mediator or conflict ridder...ofer...Or I'll put on an innocent face and slowly walk away hoping no one notices lmao
I don't see the point in 'picking sides' anyway. And I have the same problem as you, I can see situations from many points of view so it's hard to really tell where I belong. But I've never felt the need to ever pick sides...and I really hate it when people try to get me to state my opinion in those situations. My mom does that to me >.<

[Vanilambrozja]

Yeees!! End all conflicts!!

Sometimes I chose one of side but if I know and feel that This could help to 2 sides-I trying to be objective-sometimes I jump all over two side but by way of calm conversation-

Meny people who I know says that quarrels are needet-but I really don't think so!

[rachelbird26]

Originally Posted by Vanilambrozja

Yeees!! End all conflicts!!

Sometimes I chose one of side but if I know and feel that This could help to 2 sides-I trying to be objective-sometimes I jump all over two side but by way of calm conversation-

Meny people who I know says that quarrels are needet-but I really don't think so!

Yeah, I would agree with you, my INTP sister says she likes to argue, which is hard for me to understand.

[pinkrasputin]

Originally Posted by energeticelephant

Hello everyone!

I wanted to know about this, because I just sort of stumbled upon it in my brain.

When I was growing up, my parents were going through a nasty divorce that they threw me right in the middle of. One would always try to pit me against the other and my response was always I'm not on anybody's side, I'm on MY side!

Now I realise that this is how I view conflict in general anywhere in my life. It always kind of bothers me when I'm expected to "take sides" since my side tends to be "well, crap, I see the good and bad points of both."

I don't even tend to hold loyalties. Like, if it's my best friend against my worst enemy, I'll still be sitting somewhere in the middle.

I wanted to know if you other ENFPs have a similar outlook!

Originally Posted by Nyx

Yes...honestly, I tend to consciously put myself in the spot of mediator or conflict ridder...ofer...Or I'll put on an innocent face and slowly walk away hoping no one notices lmao
I don't see the point in 'picking sides' anyway. And I have the same problem as you, I can see situations from many points of view so it's hard to really tell where I belong. But I've never felt the need to ever pick sides...and I really hate it when people try to get me to state my opinion in those situations. My mom does that to me >.<

Omg. The both of you. It's like you fell out of my head or something. It's crazy!

Not only do I not pick sides, I work my ass off trying to get them to behave and play nice. I can't stand people arguing with each other. The only time I will pick sides is when I see someone bullying someone else or harming someone. Then I like to put the focus on me long enough because I think I can handle it more. I'll argue my ass off just so they won't harm the other person. But it's motivated by wanting to help and to teach the bully to act more appropriately. Swear to god, I think I can save the world that way. And meanwhile the person who is being picked on, preyed upon, manipulated, or bullied has time to escape while I am left there as a decoy. Or at least I can expose what they are doing so the victim can use better judgement about the people they hold in their circles.

But it is healthy to choose sides. I have to keep a firm judgement about an abusive ex, just so I can fight my ass off in court. I can't sit there and "see the other's point" when they have the potential to kill me or someone else. I just need to stand firm in my judgement and keep that judgement final.

Sticking up and fighting for myself has always been harder than when I stick up for someone else. But I am getting MUCH better. I've had to. There are ALOT of bullies out there and people who take advantage of their power. I've made the mistake thinking I can teach everyone to "behave" but sometimes I just have to cut myself off out of protection.

[idris]

If I'm not playing sports, I'm not picking a side.