[Linnifae]

Without having yet read the commentary from everyone else, yes I agree. I definitely get my feelings, mood, self worth, and confidence from all outside sources. I don't really know any other way to do it. Since my parents (both introverts) don't like how others kept hurting me (not always intentionally) they'd always tell me that self esteem is strictly obtained from oneself and you cannot feel good about yourself unless you only focus on yourself....which made me feel frustrated and needy.

[truevitality]

Hmm...I felt that way freshman year in college. Needy. I had given my power to everyone and everything so that they could make decisions for me. And as a result, self-confidence was impossible for me because I didn't keep the power within myself. I had given it away.

But I think self-confidence is very possible for anyone regardless of type or enneagram. I think that people can be very confident in themselves and have others maybe affirm their feelings, endeavors, etc. What's wrong with that? It can help build on something that was already there.

Eg: I love to write and I enjoy sprinting. Even before people knew about my writing or about my speed, I was confident that I was good at it. Why? Because it makes me happy. I figure if it makes me happy then I'm good. In any case, turns out people do like my writing and they do think I have a lot of speed. So it helped affirm the idea that was already in my head. Some people would disagree and think I'm not that fast or I'm not that good of a writer. Some of my closest don't like my style. Fine. But it doesn't make me stop writing or running and it hasn't stopped the idea in my head that I'm good at it. And that's how I think of self-confidence. Just believing in yourself. The rest usually follows.

[blueroo27]

i agree with this... i actually thought to myself some time ago how sometimes i am swayed by others influences and just a little comment can make me feel a certain way. when ppl say im good at something it validates me and makes me keep going.
sometimes i even think if there was no1 else here i could do it my way or do this and not be afraid or something like that... im not good at explaining things very well unless i give it some thought and take time to write it so.. .we'll just leave it atthat :p

[wallflowerrr]

I've never really thought of it like that but I guess you're right. For me personally, if someone isn't happy about how I act or what I've said I immediately feel a sense of guilt. I'll over analyze a situation and replay it in my head and beat myself. I've always wanted to be liked by everyone, but I didn't realize until now I've never been confident about myself unless someone else is confident about me.

[Mirlong]

I've never really thought of it like that but I guess you're right. For me personally, if someone isn't happy about how I act or what I've said I immediately feel a sense of guilt. I'll over analyze a situation and replay it in my head and beat myself. I've always wanted to be liked by everyone, but I didn't realize until now I've never been confident about myself unless someone else is confident about me.

That's exactly how it is for me. I'm finally starting to grow out of it though, I think a lot of people can be like that until their early-mid twenties.