The Curse of ENFPs

[Ungweliante]

It's happening again.

I have my medical university preparation book right there. I look at it and feel a slight sense of revulsion. My subconscious whispers to me "You don't have to read that today. There are many more important things in the world. Widen your aspects. Find something...NEW!" I fight back, trying to remember and FEEL how utterly inspired I was when starting to study it, to no avail. I cannot. The feeling is like air, I'm unable to grasp it, to inspire myself to feel it, even though I know that it was there and what it was like. I get the book and lose concentration within minutes, if not seconds. I postpone reading it and instead find something else which inspires me - roleplaying games, promising that I would get back to the studies in 15 minutes. I spend 10 hours straight in deep concentration, creating an intricate setting of humans mingled with faerie souls, finding a good soundtrack for background music, learning the history of ancient Bulgaria.

Yet this doesn't happen with only studies. It happens with EVERYTHING.

Boyfriends, work, even types of food. I get inspired of new people, so that I excitedly find out about them. In the beginning of a new job, I get to work fairly early...after two months, I'm always around an hour late and compensate by staying there after the others have gone. I can lose myself in the taste of tiramisu for weeks at a time, getting such a huge smile on my face that it would shame a priestess of Dionysus, only to find myself staying away from it for months. When things go well and "by the book" in a relationship, I find it boring and spend lots of time with my friends.

I look at things through my inner world and get anxious very fast if I'm pressured to do something or behave in a particular way. People say that I'm a good friend, but to get along with me, one has to know that there can be long periods of no contact and not be hurt by it.

I wish that I could just will myself to be normal for a while.

[musicalpyramid]

I can identify with some of that depsite not being an ENFP - in the sense of often having great trouble to embark on tasks that are required of me. It's not that I am inactive, I love doing things I WANT to do, but I put off doing anything that I HAVE to do - the compulsion repels me, when it is not a choice of action but a requirement and I find that a sort of irrational stress develops. So if I CHOOSE to build a new fence or lay a patio or driveway thats fine I will be relaxed and enthused about it and be very committed to the project, but when I know say that I HAVE to put clothes into the wash or HAVE to wash dishes I seem to feel this inner loss of inspiration. Mundane predictable things that cannot be made more exciting and by their nature are utterly predictable and unavoidable I put off and off - yet obviously I have to do them in the end. I reach an 'ok, have to get this out of the way' point just cos i cant stand the stress any more. This is why I can write indepth articles for magazines each month as a hobby but still have a giant in-box of post that never gets touched (unless I know one item of that mail excites me).

So, for example, I could embark on some project on the spur of the moment and put days or weeks or months of effort into it - like the time I have spend restoring my classic car - yet a relitavely simple task that I have agreed to do that I didnt really want to do or felt uncomfortably obliged to accept I become rapidly anxious and stress about, wishing it was already done but putting off doing it for as long as possible. This can happen in work or at home. This can lead to colleagues at work being confused as to why a difficult, time consuming vital project has been done and done well by me, yet I have ignored small routine items.

The only way I have around this is a worry of disapointing people - where this is an issue I will act on the small nesessary actions because my worry of disapointing or upsetting someone exceeds my stress over being required to perform a repetitive or unwanted task.

[starri]

Originally Posted by Ungweliante

It's happening again.

I have my medical university preparation book right there. I look at it and feel a slight sense of revulsion. My subconscious whispers to me "You don't have to read that today. There are many more important things in the world. Widen your aspects. Find something...NEW!" I fight back, trying to remember and FEEL how utterly inspired I was when starting to study it, to no avail. I cannot. The feeling is like air, I'm unable to grasp it, to inspire myself to feel it, even though I know that it was there and what it was like. I get the book and lose concentration within minutes, if not seconds. I postpone reading it and instead find something else which inspires me - roleplaying games, promising that I would get back to the studies in 15 minutes. I spend 10 hours straight in deep concentration, creating an intricate setting of humans mingled with faerie souls, finding a good soundtrack for background music, learning the history of ancient Bulgaria.

Yet this doesn't happen with only studies. It happens with EVERYTHING.

Boyfriends, work, even types of food. I get inspired of new people, so that I excitedly find out about them. In the beginning of a new job, I get to work fairly early...after two months, I'm always around an hour late and compensate by staying there after the others have gone. I can lose myself in the taste of tiramisu for weeks at a time, getting such a huge smile on my face that it would shame a priestess of Dionysus, only to find myself staying away from it for months. When things go well and "by the book" in a relationship, I find it boring and spend lots of time with my friends.

I look at things through my inner world and get anxious very fast if I'm pressured to do something or behave in a particular way. People say that I'm a good friend, but to get along with me, one has to know that there can be long periods of no contact and not be hurt by it.

I wish that I could just will myself to be normal for a while.

I love your wording. And i agree with it being a curse. If there just would exist a way to finish jobs, to keep being focused on the people and things we have.. =(

What if this is a hormonal or neurotransmitter thing that we all share.. can't we just kill it and feel content!

Yearning for stability.. yet seeking change..

[Jrquinlisk]

I know exactly how you feel. One of the reasons I might not mind being at least somewhat more J. (That's what J is to me: discipline.) It's actually part of the reason I went into mathematics, as opposed to, say, computer science. If you're good enough in math, you can fake the discipline. Unfortunately, this doesn't work for everything, like finding a job. Instead I just sit around most days listening to music, or surfing the internet, or doing whatever else catches my fancy.

Now that I think of it, I think part of the problem might be that I don't get out as much as I did in college. It seems that when I get out and do stuff, it's not as hard to get stuff done. To put it more coherently, when I can actually go places and accomplish smaller tasks, I don't have as much trouble accomplishing some of the bigger things.

[Decon]

Hmm.... I understand this problem. I still have it from time to time. So what I do, is I try to do it ASAP. That way, I can spend the rest of my time doing what I find interesting. I know that this probably doesn't help yopu ot all that much with your problem, but I figure you might appreciate someone offering a possible solution. Beyond that, I don't know how else I can help. But let me and the rest of the board know, and I'm sure most of the board will at least try to help.

[starri]

Originally Posted by Decon

Hmm.... I understand this problem. I still have it from time to time. So what I do, is I try to do it ASAP. That way, I can spend the rest of my time doing what I find interesting. I know that this probably doesn't help yopu ot all that much with your problem, but I figure you might appreciate someone offering a possible solution. Beyond that, I don't know how else I can help. But let me and the rest of the board know, and I'm sure most of the board will at least try to help.

What if this thing is 5 yrs of college? How do u fit in ur ASAP?

[Zaria]

I have one advice: just embrace it. I've always done the things that I felt like doing. It brought me great experiences and I learned a lot by doing so, also the hard way. One of the best things I experienced from just doing whatever I feel like doing is that I really found out that there are major interests that stick, like writing or designing stuff. So now I've found a job that combines both and see: I'm a happy camper. I've had the same job for almost 3 years now and I'm still enjoying it a lot!

But I can totally relate to what you're saying. When I was younger, I was terribly annoyed by it too. Now I just give into it and if it's just a temporary thing, I'll get over it faster too. I still have trouble finishing things I'm not really into, but the trick is to learn how to avoid the things you're not really into.

[snail]

Originally Posted by musicalpyramid

I can identify with some of that depsite not being an ENFP - in the sense of often having great trouble to embark on tasks that are required of me. It's not that I am inactive, I love doing things I WANT to do, but I put off doing anything that I HAVE to do - the compulsion repels me, when it is not a choice of action but a requirement and I find that a sort of irrational stress develops. So if I CHOOSE to build a new fence or lay a patio or driveway thats fine I will be relaxed and enthused about it and be very committed to the project, but when I know say that I HAVE to put clothes into the wash or HAVE to wash dishes I seem to feel this inner loss of inspiration. Mundane predictable things that cannot be made more exciting and by their nature are utterly predictable and unavoidable I put off and off - yet obviously I have to do them in the end. I reach an 'ok, have to get this out of the way' point just cos i cant stand the stress any more. This is why I can write indepth articles for magazines each month as a hobby but still have a giant in-box of post that never gets touched (unless I know one item of that mail excites me).

So, for example, I could embark on some project on the spur of the moment and put days or weeks or months of effort into it - like the time I have spend restoring my classic car - yet a relitavely simple task that I have agreed to do that I didnt really want to do or felt uncomfortably obliged to accept I become rapidly anxious and stress about, wishing it was already done but putting off doing it for as long as possible. This can happen in work or at home. This can lead to colleagues at work being confused as to why a difficult, time consuming vital project has been done and done well by me, yet I have ignored small routine items.

The only way I have around this is a worry of disapointing people - where this is an issue I will act on the small nesessary actions because my worry of disapointing or upsetting someone exceeds my stress over being required to perform a repetitive or unwanted task.

Yes, that's exactly what it's like for me. Are you sure you're a J?

[Ungweliante]

I think getting out more, like e.g. going swimming, and doing it ASAP out of the way are both good ideas and worth trying. Being more active usually means that I will be more active in other areas throughout the day as well. The trouble of doing it ASAP is that I can't study a 650 page medical book in a couple of hours. However, it's possible to cut it in smaller parts and study those, which is what I have been trying to do. Lately, I haven't been able to do that either. I have entertained the idea a bit that I might be manic-depressive / bipolar, but I don't get very depressed. I often get quite manic, though

Just embracing it is what I do quite often and it tends to keep me happy. I love life and I think that stems from it. But thinking of a career what I would like to do the most...well, it keeps changing.

Although...there is one career that I have always wanted to do for the rest of my life.

A starship captain, on a mission to explore the universe!

[Spooky]

Originally Posted by Ungweliante

But thinking of a career what I would like to do the most...well, it keeps changing.

That's been my problem in finding a career. I tend to idealize certain occupations and then I get a taste of the reality and change my mind. I think I've always sought a job to help define me. I want something that is more than just a paycheck.

Originally Posted by Ungweliante

Although...there is one career that I have always wanted to do for the rest of my life.

starship captain, on a mission to explore the universe!

I have a similar ambition, although mine entails professional paranormal investigation and elimination (in a khaki flight suit and proton pack).