[Moby]

Hey, calling all ENFP dudes.



Just wondering how you (we) deal with girls we like. Showing that girl our interest and asking them out. Any stories would be cool too. I'm going to sit back before I throw my two-cents in and observe a few responses first.

One thing though, does the ENFP shyness in touched on in other posts affect you guys when it comes to dates?

[Nidenel]

I have been over looking some old posts here about ENFPs and flirting. I previously said I will flirt with people that I did not like and be shy near people that I do. I think that might not be 100% true. I think I flirt the same, now as goes with dating...

...Well, hmm I do not really date. Well it's like this. I feel like it would be nice to be acquaintances with a person before I dated them, so that leaves me with less people to chose from. Also, since I go in and out of groups of people, (rather than stay in one big one) my friend circle tends to be segmented and unfortunately for me there are not many girls in it. I can go up to girls in a bar, chat with them," blah blah blah", but even if I got there number I would probably never call them. I am also extremely picky. It is more rare for me to like some one than any one I know. In fact, I have not been interested in dating any one in years. I also went to a small college (I graduated with 90 ppl), so there wasn't many people there to be interested in. It is not that I am not interested in dating some one, I have actually done volunteer work explicitly to meet some one, it is just that I do not seem to find the right girl. Also, I think in general the Miami culture is not conducive to ENFPs dating. I know it is a big city, but I do not care it has tendencies to the shallower side.

Also, I am fine with being single- not that I wouldn't mind a relationship.

[Moby]

I said I'd wait but I can't Nidenel since you brought up three points that really hit home.

1.) That we search out acquaintances and try to get to know someone first and don't do the "Hey I bumped into you, what is your phone number?" thingy. Also I find this can put us in the ladies "friend zone" but it's so natural for us to be friends first.

2.) That you don't get interested in that many girls anyways. Me too! There's only been 3 girls I've wanted to date in the last ten years and I got two of them so I guess that's a good track record even though I never got the one I really wanted and felt I coulda married (ENFP wishing for what could have been? Say it isn't so...*sarcasm*)

3.) You said you're perfectly happy being single...Me too again. Totally agree. This helps in relation to point #2

[Nidenel]

Yea in General I am fine not being in a relationship until I find some I am interested in.

Although I feel like there is to much love inside me and I need to get it out. If that makes any sense.

Enfp's seem to be bad at faking interest, so I can go against myself.

[Tridentus]

I said I'd wait but I can't Nidenel since you brought up three points that really hit home.

1.) That we search out acquaintances and try to get to know someone first and don't do the "Hey I bumped into you, what is your phone number?" thingy. Also I find this can put us in the ladies "friend zone" but it's so natural for us to be friends first.

2.) That you don't get interested in that many girls anyways. Me too! There's only been 3 girls I've wanted to date in the last ten years and I got two of them so I guess that's a good track record even though I never got the one I really wanted and felt I coulda married (ENFP wishing for what could have been? Say it isn't so...*sarcasm*)

3.) You said you're perfectly happy being single...Me too again. Totally agree. This helps in relation to point #2

im glad someone made this thread, im really intrigued as to how much i relate to other enfp guys about this topic..

i LOLed when i read posts from both you guys, im exactly the same. i don't get the whole "rules of approach" stuff; it doesn't make sense to me. if you spot someone you might like just go up to them and be friendly- all the charm should naturally flow if you click with them. as long as you don't leave it TOO long, you don't need to jump into it- that to me just seems shallow.

i don't really get interested in girls often either, but when i do, i know from the moment i see them. i used to get weirded out when girls randomly would start showing interest in me (that's not meant to be bigheaded, pls don't judge), i can't help feeling that they're desperate or something, because i have no idea what they're interested in when the mutual chemistry isn't there. sometimes i feel like i should stop being so picky and have fun casual dating like other people do, but i can't bring myself to do it. well- i can be casual, but even then the girl has to be something else.

i also have a weirdly specific "type" that ill go for. has to be natural brunette, slim, introverted.

the shyness really really depends. the first few times it isn't there, because im just so excited about having met someone, but it can creep in if circumstances mean that i don't get to know that person too well in that early period.. i haven't been on many official "dates" though, we'd usually just hang out with mutual friends and eventually find some time to be alone.

[Deja Vu]

Yah, girls coming after me seem desperate and unattractive because the charm doesn't flow. It is so off...that I almost start to see more flaws than I normally.

I guess I'm more comfortable pursuing.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Essay]

Yeah, desperation can be a bit of a put off to me too. I was once living in a student residence, and there was this cute-and-shy British girl. We got along well, and everything seemed fine. We were building a nice, honest friendship (as I try to do with anyone I'm even remotely interested in) when suddenly the entire residence knows that she "likes" me, and tries to "set me up" with her. I literally get ambushed by her extroverted American friend who attempts to ask me out for her on the spot. I hesitated for a second at the sheer awkwardness of the proposal, and she concluded: "That's ok, I understand", and goes back and tells the British girl I said no!

In theory, I would have normally followed up with the British girl and "cleared things up", and would have probably asked her out to dinner anyway, but the thought of her putting her friends up to asking me out for her completely put me off of the idea. That comes off as desperate to you guys, right? Or at least shying away from the oh-so-attractive qualities of natural honesty and forwardness?

[Rube]

Hey, calling all ENFP dudes.

Just wondering how you (we) deal with girls we like. Showing that girl our interest and asking them out. Any stories would be cool too. I'm going to sit back before I throw my two-cents in and observe a few responses first.

One thing though, does the ENFP shyness in touched on in other posts affect you guys when it comes to dates?

I am generally much quieter around girls I like, when we're alone. Initially I am quite flirtatious, but that might just be because that's what I do. In fact, when I'm with girls I really like is probably the only time I get really quiet and somewhat awkward. I also smile a lot, but it's a different kind of smile than the normal gregarious ENFP smile. It's more of a subtle "I'm so glad I'm with you" smile (yes I'm a hopeless romantic). When I ask girls out it's also kinda awkward, although I've only done it a few times. I'm sure I've said I was depressed for a while in other threads, so until recently I wasn't good at the whole social relationships thing.

But contrary to what some people have said, I'm not picky. It doesn't take me very long to "fall" for a girl. In fact it tends to happen very quickly, sometimes with multiple girls (again, hopeless romantic). Also, I'm not okay with being single. The fact that I have no one to be physically and emotionally intimate with makes me quite upset, though I know trying to rush into any relationship I can might not be a good idea.

[Musikaman]

You know... I was just thinking about how I act in front of girls I really like and I do get a little bit quieter, not much, but a little. I think it's because I go into intelligence and emotional acquisition mode and gather as much data as possible in a short time. This can be helped along by opening my big mouth and gesticulating wildly, but I actually have to calm down a bit to seriously consider the feedback.

[RobinsonCrusoe]

hey moby. i've been away a while, but i love how every time i come back, i just KNOW that you'll have another fantastic question/insight ready. this is no different.

idk about you, but i fantasize A LOT about my future with girls I like. I visualize going traveling with them, bringing them home to meet the parents, seducing the shit out of them, etc. I love trying to seduce girls over and over again, even if I'm in a relationship with them. I feel it keeps me sharp and it brings out my creative energies.

that being said, i'm kind of retarded around girls i like ONE ON ONE. I'm great if she's got her friends around, and I'm teasing her friend by saying that her left boob is crooked and curves to the right and totally doesn't match the right boob, or something asinine and totally immature. I focus my energies and seduction on her friend, and it gets my original target all hot and bothered.

one on one, though, it's a different story because i immediately try to build a deep and personal connection...and sometimes that's when they lose interest. i don't joke or tease or whatever...it becomes just me and her. problem is, most girls between 18 and 24 just want to see the magic, and not what's behind the mirrors.