[niweet]

Hi I'm married to an ISTJ husband and he is a wonderful guy. He is very organized, clean and helps me stay grounded and I bring out the 'fun' in him. The only thing is he is not that great with expressing himself and I'm always talking about my feelings and such with no reciprocation. Sometimes I feel like we have no passion as he isn't confident in being the 'hunter' sometimes. I always want to be out and about and feel like all he wants to do is chill. Sometimes I feel like we're just close 'friends' but I do adore him so much and think he's my hot boy. I feel like sometimes he doesn't 'sweep me off my feet' with words or actions like others have or try with me. I have to be sad for him to go out and do something sweet for me. He expresses his love by acts of service at home but that's not too important to me. I wouldn't betray him because he is such a loyal person yet I feel lonely sometimes. I know this is the ENFP in me but I don't know what to do. help?? We've only been married 15 months and I'm so confused.

[AmyLynn]

I am in a relationship with an ESTJ and have had some similar problems! He is a pretty mellow E so it makes sense that your guy sounds a lot like mine.....The part about him doing service things for you really struck a chord with me- Its the same with us and while to him those things are super important to me they don't feel that honest and loving and there is not much spontaneity at all which I love. I feel like he is great for me in the sense that he has a lot of traits I am lacking and helps me stay grounded, like you said. But his idea of a relationship is not very grounded in romantic ideas and feelings. After writing this I realize that I am not a lot of help because I am very confused and uncertain in my own situation so I apologize as I know you were looking for help and advice not a person whining in your ear! Anyway, do you feel like you can talk to him openly about this? The tough thing is, I think that sense of stability causes the lack of romantic sentiment but perhaps he can make an effort and you can meet in the middle?! I wish I could be a better help for you!

[lycanized]

I can't help, but it may help if you ask some of the people in the ISTJ section perhaps
:)

[niweet]

Thanks ladies. I've tried to be open about it to him and only when I'm sad, he'll bring home flowers or will take me out around town, which I love to do. He says these things cost money and we should also be saving for our future. When I cry, he just holds my hand and doesn't know what to say. And it's not even like I feel like he's holding something back. I honestly think he thinks nothing is wrong because he's perfectly content with the marriage and where it's going. He doesn't get it when I'm running around talking to new people when we're out as he thinks I should be next to him the whole time having fun with him. I just love meeting new people and it's not like I'm trying to find a new man. I wish he would just do something crazy and fun with me. even randomly walking around and picking a flower and giving to me would make my day but it's just not in him.. when it comes to gifts, he just lets me buy what my heart desires and that used to be great but now I realize there's no sentiment there.. =/

[Shanty]

When I cry, he just holds my hand and doesn't know what to say.

Doesn't this sentence kind of sum up your entire relationship? He sits there, somewhat clueless, while you look to him for more of an emotional response?

ISTJs and ENFPs will constantly misunderstand each other ... unless he is VERY laid-back, you're going to have a hell of a time trying to relate to him on a daily basis.

[Perseus]

Hi I'm married to an ISTJ husband and he is a wonderful guy. He is very organized, clean and helps me stay grounded and I bring out the 'fun' in him. The only thing is he is not that great with expressing himself and I'm always talking about my feelings and such with no reciprocation. Sometimes I feel like we have no passion as he isn't confident in being the 'hunter' sometimes. I always want to be out and about and feel like all he wants to do is chill. Sometimes I feel like we're just close 'friends' but I do adore him so much and think he's my hot boy. I feel like sometimes he doesn't 'sweep me off my feet' with words or actions like others have or try with me. I have to be sad for him to go out and do something sweet for me. He expresses his love by acts of service at home but that's not too important to me. I wouldn't betray him because he is such a loyal person yet I feel lonely sometimes. I know this is the ENFP in me but I don't know what to do. help?? We've only been married 15 months and I'm so confused.

This is the great problem the INTP has with their natural mate the ENFP, there are always ISTJ Dogs around, from savage Hounds to dutiful Retrievers. But to INTPs Dogs are often nasty horrid critters, worse because they are so dogged. ST Dogs are a Dictator category. They are meant to obey and be obeyed. The stick does not help (in theory: it might make them contrary - not sure ????)

The ENTP Snake is faced with a whole pack of vengeful baying dogs. Best to attack just in case the Snake flies away like an Eagle (INTP).

[AmyLynn]

Doesn't this sentence kind of sum up your entire relationship? He sits there, somewhat clueless, while you look to him for more of an emotional response?

ISTJs and ENFPs will constantly misunderstand each other ... unless he is VERY laid-back, you're going to have a hell of a time trying to relate to him on a daily basis


As an ENFP dating an ESTJ this was ironic for me to read this morning...Just last night I tried to talk to my ESTJ about something honestly and openly and it resulted in us completely not understanding one another and I sat there, very upset while he watched tv obliviously and then announced he was going to bed. When I came down to bed I said that I couldn't go to bed feeling like this and he looked at me with complete genuine surprise and had no idea that I was even upset. Its becoming a pattern between us that he either doesn't know what to do when I try to talk about feelings with him or he doesn't realize I have any feelings about a situation.

[SeekJess]

Maybe you guys should make specific times to do what both of you guys enjoy. Stay at home with him sometimes and just "chill". Just make a routine about it. Also ISTJs do need alone time... I myself sometimes find it hard to advocate that to people because they think I am upset with them. So maybe you should ask your husband point blank "do you need more time to yourself?" Communication is big with ISTJs. You'd be surprised what how much we'll respect you when you ask us things point blank.

[niweet]

I tried to talk to him about us misinterpreting our love languages and told him that I've been doing things that he likes because I know that's how he expresses his love to me and he agreed to start doing expressive things for me yet I'm not sure if he truly understands. We'll have to see how this plays out. I so adore him but I feel like I need that emotional connection with him even if he has to go out of his way and 'fake it' i can see how it's more of a challenge for him whereas I just have to do little things around that house to make him feel connected to me. *sigh*

[bfranklin]

My wife of 32 years is an ISFJ. What helped us in the beginning of our marriage was seeking out relationships that struggled yet believed in marriage also. The dynamics of different couples mixing made things better for us. Socionics deals with this, I believe. We sought out others that held our values of relationship.

My son and his wife do that now even though their types fit well. They meet once a week with another couple and hash out relationship issues among other things.

I think there's a point in relationships where a person must choose whether to keep their old ways from school and friends or learn to mesh their partner's with their own.

Looking back, I feel there was a Ying and Yang (spelling?). For everthing you give up you receive something else in return. When you try to take back something, something else must give. There's no perfect balance only a series of give and take.
I hope this helps.