[kateykinz]

OK I have been noticing something in particular about myself recently.

I build up a picture of somebody I admire (whether I've met them or not) in my head. I am in love with this idealized image of them. When reality comes along and shows me that something is not right with my image of them, my brain REFUSES to accept the reality. However hard I try, I cannot think of them in terms of the real them, unless the real them is there in my face presenting themselves in real time as different to my image of them. Quite simply, f they are not present, my idealized image of them immediately comes to mind and I cannot replace it with the more realistic image.

Let me try to explain in a bullet point. I can be incredibly attracted to a person in my head, when in actual real life I find them quite repulsive.

And it's not just people I'm sexually attracted to - I'm talking attraction on the general interpersonal level as well, and this also applies to places and things as well as people.


I wonder if it has to do with incredibly inferior Si.

Does anyone else experience this? It's really annoying!



I blame Plato.

[teabiscits]

i blame plato! ha ha

[kateykinz]

Oh dear. I was hoping for some solidarity, but it seems I am alone in this. I feel speshl, in the wrong kind of way

[viceboy]

You aren't alone in this. I think all ENFP personalities do this to a certain extent.

Since we are idealist we view people in the most "ideal" fashion. Seeing as most idealists are generally very positive people; we like to view people in a positive light. This can let us down when the reality hits though.

[Kevinaswell]

It sounds like, for some reason, you're much more susceptible to the idea of people, as oppose to the person.

This makes a certain amount of sense, as it's a much different experience to think of the entire concept of a person as oppose to the spitting image that's right in front of you. Those are always two incredibly different things, no matter WHO you're talking about.

I don't really see anything wrong with it....so....good luck finding someone that doesn't piss you off in real life >.<

It's hard, huh?

It's much easier to appreciate a person for being a person when you don't have to tolerate their existence within your own.

[kateykinz]

People don't piss me off :) . Quite the contrary. It's just disconcerting to know that the image I have in my head isn't real, but there's nothing I can do to change that image. I'd rather my mental image of them and the real thing be in congruence. Is that the right word?

It's like when you find out that the sexy voice on the phone actually belongs to a really ugly person, but whenever you speak to them or think of them you can't help thinking of them as a sexy person, and that influences how you relate to them, and that makes you feel stupid

[Kevinaswell]

I used/use the word 'piss' loosely.

Replace it with whichever word means something more.......passively...acceptingly....recognizing. ...of the asymmetric relationships you have with certain people in real life.

I just summed it up as 'pissed' because it's generally not the most pleasant >.<

Things like this is probably why not too many people know what the fuck I'm saying....muh bad :-\ Worst explanation evz, but hope it makes some sense so it wasn't pointless.

[Oneness]

Happens to me a lot.. If there's someone I like or is attracted to but don't really know, I will immediately idealize the hell out them..
But does this still happen even if you know them/get to know them really well? I mean, doesn't the idealization get closer to reality the more time you spend with a person?

[wicked]

Yes, yes... I can be dating a person and when I'm not with them I think they're awesome and perfect, then I see them and I think they're really kind of boring, but when I'm alone again, I'll get right back to thinking they're great.

[Lilsnowy]

Iidealization is so common for ENFPs. Remember, we see what can be, not what is, so this will always be a handicap, and also a gift for us. We can be manipulated more easily because of the idealized image. Sometimes, we don't back away from someone who can cause us harm. We can learn over time to be guarded against the idealized image, but we can still fall. If someone turns you off in person, your intiution is telling you something. This won't work. At that point, don't talk on the phone or communicate in other ways that can 'fool' you , if at all possible.

I had to have a couple very bad people come into my life to help me to become aware of this in myself. One was a gifted narcissist who was very disturbed. I had never encountered anyone like him before so it took me forever to catch on. But once I did, nothing could have made me renew contact. The other was a convicted murderer who portrayed himself as an average good guy.

The criminal was my next door neighbor and a 'friend' of our family. When I found out he had been in prison before, I still only saw that he could be a good person, that he could have a good future, that he was nice and helpful. I thought as long as he paid his debt and was trying to do good, who was I to stand in judgment of him? He also had a reasonable answer to why he had been in prison. And I believed him, until a few weeks later, when he was arrested for crimes that impacted our family forever, and also devastated some friends of mine. Everything he told us had been a lie.

Two years later, I have not regained my ability to trust fully and when someone seems 'nice,' or says something to me that is exactly how I see things, my 'guards on the wall' as I call them, stand up a little taller and make it hard for me to open up to let them in.

It takes real commitment to get over magical thinking. The important thing is that logic is where we lack. It takes training, constant repition ro overcome this and even then, we son't entirely overome it because we WANT to see the best!