[ENFP] ENFPs How Do You Fall In Love~??

ENFPs How Do You Fall In Love~??

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This is a discussion on ENFPs How Do You Fall In Love~?? within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Is it possible for you to force yourself to fall in love~?? Hi~!! I was thinking about this the other ...

  1. #1
    Unknown Personality

    ENFPs How Do You Fall In Love~??

    Is it possible for you to force yourself to fall in love~??

    Hi~!!
    I was thinking about this the other day, and I was wondering.

    It seems like a lot of ENFPs developed (from my reading) thier romanitc realtionships through thier friendships first~
    Is it possible for you to force yourself to fall in love~??
    Not in a bad way, just that if someone set up date for you, or if someone told you they liked you and you went out with them to try and see what they're like( and maybe try and feel the same way) have you ever develpoed feelings with this~?? For some reason it seemed like some ENFPs felt it didn't work~

    Is it possible~? Has it ever happened for anyone~??
    I'm just curious, because I've heard a lot of arranged marriages and set up dates can work well like that, but not everyone is an ENFP, and there seemed to be some resistance to the idea~
    What do you think~??
    ANy comments would be appreaciated~ thanks~!! ^_^



  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Forcing yourself to fall in love? I don't really like the sound of that...

    Well I came across two types of cases as an ENFP. Though the results will vary because of our level of development into the function. Most of them were cases, I thought of as an possibility and the following results that come from that perception.

    The first from the top that you asked is an arranged or blind date.
    I don't really like the sound of that. Even as an ENFP, I can be slow to warm up to people who come close to me because I tend to be pretty skeptical and wondering if that person has ulterior motives(which happens too often to count in my life) but if I were to put my trust into that person, I have to talk with the person and maybe "give my information" in detail and then see how the person would react to it. It is normally human nature when people showed all their cards (or so they think we did) They will do the same. Although there are more secretive types of personality behavior which rather get to know you slowly. I can come to like the person as a person or a friend, but it will definitely take a lot more to get me interested as a lover or a prospective marriage partner so arranged meetings are probably not really for me. I strive more to understand people and their actions, so if the person is not interesting enough or can't hold my attention, I will really end up straying, so it wouldn't work out well anyway.

    The second one was if someone had confessed and I voluntarily went out with him to see what he is like... well, I give the credit to the person who managed to let me "willingly" want to take him out and not the other way around. They say I tend to look for a lot, but it isn't really that much of a big deal or too high expectations. I just want someone who can easily surprise me and keep me interested (for some reason, it is getting harder and harder to find such people.) and some other things that is probably much too personal. But well, if I really decided to give him a chance on their first try and I don't know that person, I guess maybe I could try to love him back. But if I can't, I will reject him gently.

    But for me as an ENFP, jumping head first into a romance seems like a pretty exciting thing to do. Because you know nothing about the person but at the same time, the person doesn't know anything about you except for this thing called "Chemical Romance" which is something like an force of attraction between two humans who do not know each other but seem to feel this odd "connection". I like the feeling of the connection, but sad to say, it never lasts. And because it doesn't, I have learnt never to put my love life in the hands of something so fickle minded.

    How I really want to fall in love is not to simply look for a boyfriend, but someone I want to call my husband. Someone I can be completely serious about and he must be as serious as me as I am about him. "It is always better to be loved by someone you can love back, than to love someone who will break your heart in the end."

    Sorry for the longggg post.
    Misha, iemanja and honeychanbunny thanked this post.

  3. #3
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Liltsuka View Post
    Forcing yourself to fall in love? I don't really like the sound of that...

    Well I came across two types of cases as an ENFP. Though the results will vary because of our level of development into the function. Most of them were cases, I thought of as an possibility and the following results that come from that perception.

    The first from the top that you asked is an arranged or blind date.
    I don't really like the sound of that. Even as an ENFP, I can be slow to warm up to people who come close to me because I tend to be pretty skeptical and wondering if that person has ulterior motives(which happens too often to count in my life) but if I were to put my trust into that person, I have to talk with the person and maybe "give my information" in detail and then see how the person would react to it. It is normally human nature when people showed all their cards (or so they think we did) They will do the same. Although there are more secretive types of personality behavior which rather get to know you slowly. I can come to like the person as a person or a friend, but it will definitely take a lot more to get me interested as a lover or a prospective marriage partner so arranged meetings are probably not really for me. I strive more to understand people and their actions, so if the person is not interesting enough or can't hold my attention, I will really end up straying, so it wouldn't work out well anyway.

    The second one was if someone had confessed and I voluntarily went out with him to see what he is like... well, I give the credit to the person who managed to let me "willingly" want to take him out and not the other way around. They say I tend to look for a lot, but it isn't really that much of a big deal or too high expectations. I just want someone who can easily surprise me and keep me interested (for some reason, it is getting harder and harder to find such people.) and some other things that is probably much too personal. But well, if I really decided to give him a chance on their first try and I don't know that person, I guess maybe I could try to love him back. But if I can't, I will reject him gently.

    But for me as an ENFP, jumping head first into a romance seems like a pretty exciting thing to do. Because you know nothing about the person but at the same time, the person doesn't know anything about you except for this thing called "Chemical Romance" which is something like an force of attraction between two humans who do not know each other but seem to feel this odd "connection". I like the feeling of the connection, but sad to say, it never lasts. And because it doesn't, I have learnt never to put my love life in the hands of something so fickle minded.

    How I really want to fall in love is not to simply look for a boyfriend, but someone I want to call my husband. Someone I can be completely serious about and he must be as serious as me as I am about him. "It is always better to be loved by someone you can love back, than to love someone who will break your heart in the end."

    Sorry for the longggg post.
    haha~! That's okay~!! I <3 long answers~!! It gives me something interesting to read~!! That's all I really wanted~!! ^_^
    It's very interesting~ I know it seems negative, but I was kind of wondering if you can grow to love someoen who you are pushed to be in a relationship with, or if you meet omsone and you're like "I'm in love~!!!" >.<
    Or if you slowly, just are friends with someone, and it suddenly hits you like "Wow~!! I really like this person~!!"

    There is a quote from Anne of Green Gables, and is it maybe like this~??
    (Sorry but I reallly love Anne of Green Gables ^_^)
    “Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music; perhaps . . . perhaps . . . love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.”

    I don't know...
    sorry for my long response, but thank you for your long answer~!!! ^_^

  4. #4
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Sounds kind of scary. You can be forced to marry someone but i dont think love works like that.

  5. #5
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai View Post
    Sounds kind of scary. You can be forced to marry someone but i dont think love works like that.
    I mean can you grow to love someone with the intention of loving them, rather than it just happening~ do you have to be friends first without any intentions of loving them~??

  6. #6
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by honeychanbunny View Post
    I mean can you grow to love someone with the intention of loving them, rather than it just happening~ do you have to be friends first without any intentions of loving them~??
    Love can grow from a friendship yes. To us males ita very common. I dont know if it happens to womeb as much. Women one they label someone as friend its very hard they will move that foward to something more.

  7. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers


    I prefer indeed to establish a form of friendship first but meanwhile I have found myself already physically attracted to you. With the last woman I dated, I was immediately attracted to her but I fell in love or allowed myself to fall in love with her after two months of bonding. She actually exploded in my face and I saw a lot of potential for the two of us. I also think in compatibility terms instead of just focusing on what I need. And being able to see this, you must establish a bond of friendship first.


    Yesterday I got back in touch with my ex I dated before the woman I described above and I still had a lot of feelings for her. A deep feeling of friendship and I am happy that she is back in my life. But with her it was actually the other way around. I sort of felt that she pushed me in the relationship but she did so in such an innocent way, that I gave in and wanted to give it a try. We bonded for 5 months though before I gave in but the physical attraction wore off too soon because it was too much focused on friendship from my side. So I sort of had to force myself to fall in love with her and this was also the main reason that it ended. But due to that foundation of friendship, the relationship lasted for 4 years.
    It was just too bad that the physical wore off too soon because I think that the physical helps making a relationship stronger and intimate. I missed that intimacy. That is why she cheated on me eventually. Yesterday I received an apology for that. She left me one year ago like I was nothing but I guess I meant more to her than she realized herself. I think that was the foundation of friendship I have tried to establish so hard.
    Currently I think there is a good chance that she will be a good friend of mine again and I am satisfied with that.
    honeychanbunny thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by honeychanbunny View Post
    Is it possible for you to force yourself to fall in love~??

    Hi~!!
    I was thinking about this the other day, and I was wondering.

    It seems like a lot of ENFPs developed (from my reading) thier romanitc realtionships through thier friendships first~
    Is it possible for you to force yourself to fall in love~??
    Not in a bad way, just that if someone set up date for you, or if someone told you they liked you and you went out with them to try and see what they're like( and maybe try and feel the same way) have you ever develpoed feelings with this~?? For some reason it seemed like some ENFPs felt it didn't work~

    Is it possible~? Has it ever happened for anyone~??
    I'm just curious, because I've heard a lot of arranged marriages and set up dates can work well like that, but not everyone is an ENFP, and there seemed to be some resistance to the idea~
    What do you think~??
    ANy comments would be appreaciated~ thanks~!! ^_^

    Not exactly sure what you're asking here.....I think ENFPs tend to be on the extremes with this - either they take a long time and develop feelings for a friend, or it's like it smacks them upside the head in an instant.

    I've experienced both in my life.

    The first one that didn't work out due to location and beliefs about what we wanted in life/relationships - but I met him online at 18 and it took about 3-4 years and I started really developing feelings for him, like more than just as a friend. Unfortunately due to the fact that we lived 500 miles away from each other, a relationship wasn't going to happen. But it was this feeling that snuck up out of nowhere, and it hurt badly that it was unrequited - he was attracted to me and perhaps loved me but kept his true feelings at bay because he knew it could never work logistically. We are still very close friends now 11 years later, and we're both in serious relationships now so those feelings are gone, so it's back to a completely platonic relationship.

    The second was my boyfriend and while I don't call it "love at first sight", there was an instant chemistry/connection not just on a physical level (actually I was much more attracted to his mind and his personality than his looks at first....that came later), and just this sense that this was different and something special. I actually fell in love with him about 3 weeks into the relationship, and confessed it a week later and he said it back.


    I think that if you go out with someone who says they like you and you have no feelings for them, those feelings can grow, but IMHO there's no sense in forcing it because you will forever regret it. You have to let it grow naturally.

    Dating itself is getting to know someone, so of course I've gone on dates with guys I haven't really liked. That's how you learn you don't really like them. People can date for an extended period of time before really falling for someone. But I wouldn't get into a serious relationship with someone with whom I didn't at least like a lot and was sexually attracted to.

    I think it's hard being idealists, and many of us hopeless romantics, that we want that fairytale, that guy who sweeps us off our feet. I think it depends on the person whether they are going to wait for that or settle. I refused to settle. And while I didn't date much and didn't have a serious long-term relationship until my boyfriend, I didn't settle and I was very blessed that I found him.
    hoom and honeychanbunny thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Sai View Post
    Love can grow from a friendship yes. To us males ita very common. I dont know if it happens to womeb as much. Women one they label someone as friend its very hard they will move that foward to something more.
    That's actually not true at all. Friendship is an excellent base for a relationship. If I am friends with someone and the realization hits me that we would be good together, then I will pursue them.

    If a woman actually likes you, it doesn't matter if you were once just friends. If you remain at that level it's because she isn't interested. Simple as that. The "friend-zone" is not some well-mapped, concrete psychological landmark lol.
    honeychanbunny thanked this post.

  10. #10
    INFJ - The Protectors

    Quote Originally Posted by döden View Post
    That's actually not true at all. Friendship is an excellent base for a relationship. If I am friends with someone and the realization hits me that we would be good together, then I will pursue them.

    If a woman actually likes you, it doesn't matter if you were once just friends. If you remain at that level it's because she isn't interested. Simple as that. The "friend-zone" is not some well-mapped, concrete psychological landmark lol.
    I have never been "frienzoned" but all mu female friends have told me something similar of what i wrote.


 
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