How Charming are you?

**Moby** · 08-19-2012 09:34 PM

I think sometimes we as ENFPs are really humble (a good thing) but we also need to recognize our talents or attributes.

I feel like I'm pretty charming, the books/media on ENFPs tell me I'm supposed to be one, if not the most, charming amongst all the types: but do YOU personally feel that you are charming? You can get what you want out of people based on enthusiastic speech or action that makes people WANT to give you what YOU want? Not an arrogant "pat yourself on the back time" just being honest about one of our good qualities.

Yes, I feel that way 100%. How about you? If not, why? If so, how does it manifest?

**thefruitsnack** · 08-20-2012 12:54 AM

Yes, I feel that way too. I think it's because I keep this "aw shucks" kind of attitude when people give me stuff, or when I ask for it. At work, I put myself out there for people and usually I don't even have to ask for them to respond in kind. I've had some coworkers up and buy me stuff or do things for me, just for being pleasant to be around. I also thank people, a lot. From the response they give me, I get the impression that thanks don't happen very often.

**Ringed Raygun** · 08-20-2012 01:43 AM

I have a pretty large group of friends that I very consistently get along with, but I've never felt particularly good with words or reading people. It's very much the one part of the ENFP description that I don't think that I completely fit.

But who knows? Maybe I'll get better at it with time?

**MandarinChild** · 08-20-2012 01:56 AM

My favorite thing about ENFP charm is that it's so unassuming. You guys don't swashbuckle like Se-users are prone to do, nor do you tamper with perceptions by self-consciously performing your strengths. You come as you are, often underprepared, and that's adorable. <3

**Le Beau Coeur** · 08-20-2012 05:04 AM

I don't know, I'd love to be as charming as the INFJ/ENFJs I know.

**coelho** · 08-20-2012 10:50 AM

I am charming when I want to be charming, but I can also be a pain in the ass.

**Paradox1987** · 08-22-2012 05:08 AM

I have a way with words and a conversation style which has been described as charming many times and I know that it is. It's my biggest conversational strength that slightly self-deprecating charm that I use to some effect. My old English teacher once told I could convince the devil to set himself alight with my charm. Haven't been able to manage the latter feat yet...

**frenchie** · 08-22-2012 05:50 AM

Originally Posted by MandarinChild

ou guys don't swashbuckle

Argggh ye skally wag.. I be the ENFPirate of zee open watdurs.

Being charming is easy. You just need to know how to gently tease other people.

For a guy, charm is making a woman feel like a little girl. It's like being 6 years old all over again

Edit: And for the ladies, just get guys to talk about themselves.

**NaughyChimp** · 08-22-2012 06:28 AM

This is what's true for me... I learned to be charming in my teens and enjoyed the power and popularity it brought me, for a while. Then, I began to feel that charm was both a. too easy and b. manipulative and hollow. I could make people do more or less what I wanted and feel about me how I wished and it was so simple it was like taking candy from a baby.

That's when I learned the joy (and pain) of authentically connecting with people. It makes me so much more vulnerable to others and never allows me to play them like marionnettes but -- to me, at least -- can be oh-so-much-more satisfying than merely charming them. I suppose that there's a certain charm that comes from being genuine and emotionally available, but it's no longer a muscle I simply flex by itself.

I have an ENTP friend and the word others used to describe him most often is charming. I believe that this is bc, to him, charming is a means to an end. People recognize his charm because it exists on its own. On the other hand, I have an ENFP brother who is wildly charming but people never, ever refer to him as that because they see the charm as being part of something bigger; he's always described with words like thoughtful, friendly, nice, warm, charismatic, leader. His charm plays into those qualities but it's merely a "supporting character."

**Esoteric Enchantment** · 08-22-2012 08:39 AM

I feel like yes I have charm but I don't really use it actively, people have told me I was but I think It's more indirect. But charm in my sense would just be being extremely polite xD I don't think I could ever use it to manipulate people or use it to win someone over as when I do like someone I tend to be more nervous or really out there xD but ya I think my own charm is my speaking style xD