[StacieTom3]

I'm ENFJ My ENFP means the world to me, we often get into fights because I'm so pushy, and he hates feeling like his freedom is being taken or that I'm trying to control him. But I'm not trying to push him or control him - I love his free spirit! And don't want to /make/ him do anything. I just want to show him all the reasons why my way makes more sense; but that doesn't mean he has to pick it. Id like to be heard out without him automatically shutting out me out. But since that seems too hard and I really don't want to be /pushy/ (what's attractive about that anyways? Nothing.) Does anyone have any ideas of how to replace my impulse to push, that isn't destructive?

[Le Beau Coeur]

I'm ENFJ My ENFP means the world to me, we often get into fights because I'm so pushy, and he hates feeling like his freedom is being taken or that I'm trying to control him. But I'm not trying to push him or control him - I love his free spirit! And don't want to /make/ him do anything. I just want to show him all the reasons why my way makes more sense; but that doesn't mean he has to pick it. Id like to be heard out without him automatically shutting out me out. But since that seems too hard and I really don't want to be /pushy/ (what's attractive about that anyways? Nothing.) Does anyone have any ideas of how to replace my impulse to push, that isn't destructive?

First of all, your post is so sweet. I love the idea of ENFJ and ENFP together sigh.

I guess the best way to work around this is to find a way to present your ideas in a way that don't seem controlling. If you turn it into something that seems more like gentle suggestion and encouragement it will be more warmly accepted.

Best wishes and I hope your relationship continues to get better and better!

[StacieTom3]

Thanks(:
I've tried to come off suggestive, but I think he thinks I'm trying to TRICK him by changing the way I say it. Which isn't the case :/
I just feel like I shouldn't ever say any thing, because I hate fighting with him sooo much, it just breaks my heart!

[cara_cara]

And don't want to /make/ him do anything. I just want to show him all the reasons why my way makes more sense;

I get you....I am pushy so this is coming from a place of compassion, definitely not judgment....

If you have it in your mind that your way is already the best, and he selects his way, he is picking something inferior? No one likes to think that their ideas are inferior (even if they are) so maybe you can find ways to do some things the way he wants to do sometimes and really, genuinely, praise him for those ideas. (and don't say look I am praising your ideas like I want you to praise mine).

If it is something you mean, hopefully he will see it for what it is and realize that you aren't trying to be the control freak but instead you want peace, harmony, and the best possible outcomes.

Now...i am going to go take a heaping spoonful of my own advice. (lot easier to give than to take it seems!)

[Le Beau Coeur]

Thanks(:
I've tried to come off suggestive, but I think he thinks I'm trying to trick him by changing the way I say it. Which isn't the case :/
I just feel like I shouldn't ever say any thing, because I hate fighting with him sooo much, it just breaks my heart!

Awww gosh. It sounds to me like you are doing your best to make things work well. I'm sorry that he is reacting that way...I wish there was something else I could do to help but I guess all I can do is say that where there is love there is always time and there is always a way.:-)

Best wishes to you.:-)

[cara_cara]

First of all, your post is so sweet. I love the idea of ENFJ and ENFP together sigh.

ok that made me smile!

[StacieTom3]

If you have it in your mind that your way is already the best, and he selects his way, he is picking something inferior? No one likes to think that their ideas are inferior (even if they are) so maybe you can find ways to do some things the way he wants to do sometimes and really, genuinely, praise him for those ideas.

I don't make him feel inferior. I love to hear his opinions and thoughts, he's brilliant, and I try to always tell him.
The problem is that he's so stubborn that he absolutely has to have his way, and I want to compromise ( who doesn't think win-win is the best??). He doesn't bend, so I do. Everytime.
I'm starting to get used to it, but I really don't want to mess up by saying something pushy, because its just so hard to take no as an answer, especially a definite one.

[frenchie]

I'm ENFJ My ENFP means the world to me, we often get into fights because I'm so pushy, and he hates feeling like his freedom is being taken or that I'm trying to control him. But I'm not trying to push him or control him - I love his free spirit! And don't want to /make/ him do anything. I just want to show him all the reasons why my way makes more sense; but that doesn't mean he has to pick it. Id like to be heard out without him automatically shutting out me out. But since that seems too hard and I really don't want to be /pushy/ (what's attractive about that anyways? Nothing.) Does anyone have any ideas of how to replace my impulse to push, that isn't destructive?

Ohh boy, I just got out of a year long relationship with a work tested ENFJ that I believe is a 2w3.

First off, your ENFP needs to cool his jets and get over himself. While it may seem like an encroaching of his "freedom" so to speak, he needs to understand that they're suggestions.

You're not doing anything wrong. Your ENFP's problems are mental and can easily be over come with a bit of maturity which by the sounds of it he doesn't have... yet.

What I did was basically "get over myself" and learned what she did that worked and I would stand by and pick up things that fell apart. That to her was what made her thrilled to have me around. She would make dinner, I'd clean up her mess and boy was she a messy cook.

When she would tell me not to do things that I thought were dumb, I wouldn't argue with her. I'd go and do it anyway;) If it worked, I would gloat happily for 10 seconds which was sadly... rare. Most of the time I would complicate matters, look like a fool, and stumble around until I got it right. She always would come in and say, "if you just listened to me, you would have been alright!" which to be honest isn't that fun. I always liked poking the bee hive and watching her get all razed up.

When his ideas don't work out, stand up for yourself and let it known that if he just listened and were open to suggestions he would understand that. But be kind, I think you know how to do this effectively.

Have your boyfriend read this post. If he cares, he'll relax and learn to just let it be. It's called compromise and relationships are based on that mutual understanding.

What are some of the things you guys are arguing on? My ENFJ and I always fought on social things. What to say and not to say in company and all items related to cooking.