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Dating help with with an ENFP from an INFP.

[ENFP] 
1K views 10 replies 6 participants last post by  _sailorjenny 
#1 ·
Hey,

SO firstly I'll say I worry that I'm over thinking this all together but I met an ENFP on Tinder and we spent nearly every day messaging back and fourth. It was great. I'd recently left my husband, with two kids with me as well, and he was super understanding and praised me for being strong. I asked him out for a drink and a general 'yeah that should happen' was made. A few days later it felt like he was suggesting going for a drink and then added on that none of his friends were able to go out so I offered. At first he said no then came back quickly with yes. He didn't really make it clear at the beginning what he was looking for on tinder as he said he was looking to meet people and if it ended up turning romantic then so be it.
Anyhow I was a nervous mess when we met but completely blown away by him. He was lovely and filled my awkward silences. We said goodbye and that night I messaged him and said I probably shouldn't be on tinder anymore, was so embarrassed by how nervous I was. He said I was cute. (Sorry this is so long!) Two days after that I messaged him on instagram because we both followed each other on there, saying Id like to continue talking. We chatted on and off then my tafe course started and I got distracted and didn't talk to him for two weeks yet thought about him every day.
I feel like I stuffed it with him after deleting tinder BUT what has got me on here saying all this is, he continually likes only my selfies on instagram and after an innocent message the other night asking about local info he asked how I had been. I wonder if he is just a nice guy and I'm reading too much into it or if there is something there.
Tbh I'd really like for the first option so I can let this go :rolling:
 
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#2 ·
Well the way I interpret the attitude of "if it becomes romantic then so be it" is he really wants to get to know people first and become their friends before letting it become romantic. I quite like that idea, I think it stops you from rushing into a relationship that doesn't work and the mess of having to break up but also makes way for a stronger romance and if that all fails you don't miss out on having an awesome person to call a friend.

If that's not something you are interested in then maybe you have to be upfront about it with him? Make sure you are both approaching this relationship with the same ideas in mind.
 
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#3 ·
So I wanted to update this a little bit and maybe get some advice.
We've gotten along really nicely since I last posted. More recently we've been messaging each other every day. I kind of thought he had lost interest for awhile because conversations were 100% me asking questions/instigating conversation but now its pretty even! I'm finally coming up to a point where I have time to myself and what to spend it with him but have no idea how to not be full on in asking him about it! Especially considering last time I was an awkward mess.
So anyhow, how do I ask this super dreamy enfp about spending time together without seeming like I'm a creep? :rolling:
 
#4 ·
Just ask him, we're not very judgmental, we like authenticity and sponteneity and honest people, and we really love straight-forward communication. If he's ENFP I'm sure he's very open, warm and accepting. You can't really make a mistake by being yourself around an ENFP. He will like/respect your boldness if you simply ask him out. As long as he knows your awkwardness is not his fault, he won't be bothered by it or think you're weird because of it.

But there does seem to be a trend of ENFP people being quite non-committal so please be careful and keep in mind that he may make you feel like the most special person in the world, you may feel like you have a deep connection, and you will get along well as an INFP, but these things might not mean the same thing to him as it does to normal people like you ;). What I'm saying is, don't fall too hard for him too fast, stay cool within yourself and guard your heart a bit. We seem to retract from relationships a bit and cause people pain & confusion. Do watch out for that :)
 
#5 ·
What I'm saying is, don't fall too hard for him too fast, stay cool within yourself and guard your heart a bit. We seem to retract from relationships a bit and cause people pain & confusion. Do watch out for that :)
Or you can look at it the other way. Let yourself fall hard and fast for him, just be prepared for the heartbreak to be hard if it comes. We fall harder the higher we go but at least you know you gave it your all and loved as much as you could instead of half-measures. At least that's the way I want to live. Rushing into love hard and fast, truly feeling it because I'll regret holding back.
 
#7 ·
Just ask. But be casual.

I think the thing with these things is always the "risk factor" in that no-one wants to have an awkward encounter, or no-one wants to suddenly find out the other person is not what they thought, and then have to awkwardly unentangle themselves from the situation- that's why people are cautious about these first steps..

With this in mind, I always try to be a bit aloof and casual in these kind of really early stages, I try to convey that I am "low risk"- I'm definitely not going to get clingy any time soon. Then when you're actually in the moment and enjoying yourselves, you can show interest and investment and it'll seem like a much better idea.

Human psychology is kind of ridiculous like this, but it's just how it is I suppose.
 
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