[bettrthnthemovie]

Hello Friends.

I've been trying to make since of this. I just need a little help understanding.

I'm an ENFP and have been hanging out with an older INTJ. I'm in my early 20s and he's in his mid 30s.

We became friends through him being a customer and I would bother him and get him to talk to more. Whenever he would visit he would ask for me to take a break with him so we could talk. We'd sit down and he'd ask me lots of questions about myself, and he started to help me get more into the film making community. About once a week for a couple of months I would email him questions to get to know him better he'd always respond.

We didn't really start to become really close until we end up attending the same gym. After working out we'd grab dinner and head home.(We'd never eat together but..still) He would drive me to the nearest bus stop. (I don't have a car). During this time I began to open up to him about my life and he always want to know what's going on in my life. I began to share my films that I made or random Ideas or thoughts that I didn't think anyone else cared about and he'd always listen. I hated my job and my lack of car and he used to tell me that "He had to save me"



During these period I really become to have strong feelings for him. I honestly felt that he felt the same about me.He'd always ask when I work, so he can stop by, let me hug him (one time I told him I wouldn't see him for a week and he actually came up hugged me)
Stares at me at the gym. Smiles whenever I talk to him..
Introduced me to his roomates & best friend who I love.
He often get upset if I talk about other guys even if they are my friends.
Little things like that.

Anyway I decided to finally confess my interest.
I told him that I liked him and he told me that he thought I was young, he them proceeded to change the subject. I was hoping to get some feeling in return. I asked him if that was the only reason. He replied yes.

I let it go for a about month and we did our normal routine of being around each other.
A couple weeks ago I felt that I still didn't know how he felt about me because he tried to avoid the situation.
I asked him again if he thought I was too young for him he said yes and then told me to let it go and he's not going to change his feelings on it.
I told him to explain because I don't know how he feels he said he didn't want to.

I'm so hurt, I pretended like it didn't affect me but I can't let it go. I care so much for him and for us to be so close just drives me crazy. I understand the risks and I don't blame him for being cautious but come on. I've tried looking for someone else but I don't want anyone else.
What should I do about this?

So for this being so long!

[SocioApathetic]

Well, INTJs (in my experience as one) generally tend to avoid talking about what they a) are not entirely convinced of, or b) cannot understand yet. You have to understand, we hate talking about things we can't understand. We need to analyze something from every single angle, exhaust every single possibility. We predict best and worst case scenarios and everything in between. But (once again, for me) if someone is waiting for a response, we will stick to something that will bide our time until we can fully wrap our lobes around the situation. We have to think extensively before we act (a trait that can really hurt/bother other people whose feelings are on the line). Acting before thinking is not an option and being rushed makes us back out entirely because we feel we're not given due time to think things through and if aren't given time to understand it, we let it go.

It's a hard truth, but most INTJs are this way. I'm not saying all are, but I find this "think before we act" trait rather common among us. My advice is, don't rush him. If an INTJ doesn't open a subject, it doesn't mean they are not thinking about it endlessly. He probably is musing about the possibility of being with you the way you want to be with him but certainty comes differently to an INTJ. If you really want him that badly, then give him time to open the subject. If too much time passes by and you are still waiting, I think it would be wise of you to move on.

Good luck. I hope things work out the way you want them to.

[bettrthnthemovie]

I'm always running into him when I least expect. I don't want to be that girl but I'm constantly wondering if
it's just pure coincidence or something else?

Thank You

[Alysaria]

INTJs set a standard of "potential mate" that falls under certain parameters, depending on the INTJ. He is clearly interested, but since you fall on the wrong side of the "age" parameter, you don't fit into the standard he has set. >.> Have to agree with @SocioApathetic on giving him time to process whether he can make you into an exception.

What could work in your favor is casual touching, putting problem solving mode on your side (this is probably really manipulative of me to suggest XD). If he allows it and returns it, he clearly enjoys it....

[RedFraggle]

INTJs set a standard of "potential mate" that falls under certain parameters, depending on the INTJ. He is clearly interested, but since you fall on the wrong side of the "age" parameter, you don't fit into the standard he has set. >.> Have to agree with @SocioApathetic on giving him time to process whether he can make you into an exception.

What could work in your favor is casual touching, putting problem solving mode on your side (this is probably really manipulative of me to suggest XD). If he allows it and returns it, he clearly enjoys it....

@Alysaria Saucy minx you!

@bettrthnthemovie just do you what you do best! Be free and happy. Flirt your heart out. I guarantee this is why he liked you to begin with, because you didn't give a frak. Believe me worrying about what someone is going to do or not going to do is a waste of time. Until he makes a move, you should not be waiting. If he wants to think it all out, let him, meanwhile you can go to the gym and workout your frustrations to your favorite songs instead of thinking of the numerous possibilities of your non existent romance with this person. I know because I do it ALLLLLL THE TIIIIMMME when I meet someone I think is interesting.

Don't mind me, I am in "I pine for no one" mode.

[nosce]

I think it'd be best to put your feelings on hold and really examine his behavior in third person perspective. If another person were watching everything you two did together and individually, what would've been the likely conclusion?

[KookyTookie]

INTJs set a standard of "potential mate" that falls under certain parameters, depending on the INTJ. He is clearly interested, but since you fall on the wrong side of the "age" parameter, you don't fit into the standard he has set. >.> Have to agree with @SocioApathetic on giving him time to process whether he can make you into an exception.

What could work in your favor is casual touching, putting problem solving mode on your side (this is probably really manipulative of me to suggest XD). If he allows it and returns it, he clearly enjoys it....

I second this completely! xD

[bettrthnthemovie]

Well I feel like they would think something is def. going on between us.

Everytime we see each other its like hey how was your day? Or if I don't see him I'll always text him
"I hope you've have an alrighty day, have a goodnight <3"

I've been told by my workout buddie that watching us individually is funny because he
always looks at me when hes working out and once he looks away I'll stare at him.

I dont think he mind when i touch him, except once we get out of the gym he hates when I hug him because he's "all gross and sweaty" but he still hugs me but just not as close.

[bettrthnthemovie]

Btw problem solving mode?

[WMDistraction]

Give him some time. He'll sort it out. Unfortunately, it probably won't be in your favor. I remain open and ambiguous on many things, but when it comes to relationships--especially deciding against a relationship--I find my resolve to be nigh unshakable.