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ENFP males and femininity

[ENFP] 
18K views 27 replies 20 participants last post by  ezre 
#1 ·
This is a thread that i realise has come up a lot, however i've disagreed with the angle with which most of them have been posted, so i decided to thread my own opinion.

There's been so much said about masculine and feminine traits, but i think any ENFP male worth his salt should realise the myth behind that. There's this idea bandied around that guys who are sensitive are somehow displaying feminine qualities, and somehow that is bad. that's bollocks.

I've seen guys who were incredible sensitive, compassionate, morally strong souls hit their late teens and become fake, cocky and obnoxious because of a misguided belief that they should act more "masculine" (in my own life). I believe that is so wrong- a male ENFP needs to embrace their compassion in order to fulfill their potential, in fact a lot of notions of qualities that are "masculine" aren't good qualities- for example, men tend to be less emotionally mature than women, that's just a fact, and yet i've seen people (enfps, sometimes) avoid their natural tendency in this area to act like tw*ts instead just to fit in with their buddies. I also see the threads on this very forum, which the feelings in my stomach reject fiercely- particularly in a belief that women are not attracted to an individual because they display "feminine" qualities.

From my experience, what women see as masculine qualities, and what is written down on some sites are completely different things. any good quality in a guy will be seen as a masculine trait by many women, any quality displayed by "most guys", good or bad, will be seen as masculine in popular belief- if a guy is compassionate, emotionally mature, and morally strong a lot of women will find that very masculine.. if a guy is nice covering insecurity, needy, indecisive and overly sensitive, that is something that individual needs to sort out in themselves, and you can hardly blame women for deciding those are feminine traits.
 
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#2 ·
@Tridentus - I'm not 100% sure on this thread topic, so I will answer it as well as I can..

My ENFP best mate and have often joked about how we can be "womanizers"... PLEASE NOTE - I said "joked" haha.. :tongue: .. Yeah, I can relate to many things that women go through. I can connect the dots between the feelings and their real-world application, etc. But am I any less masculine than your average bloke? I don't think so.. You should ask my lady for an answer to that one..

I've been deemed an alpha male on more than one occasion, and apparently I am a natural leader (I just like to stay in the background sometimes - because I don't like to impose my awesomeness on others) hahaa.. And even with my alpha-male status (as deemed by other sources) - I can sometimes be overly sensitive in some circumstances, and sometimes take things a little too personally (especially when I am tired).. When I am feeling on top of the world, it's ALL good.. haha..

So, ENFP males = Femininity isn't quite always the case.. lol :wink:
 
#7 ·
@Tridentus - I'm not 100% sure on this thread topic, so I will answer it as well as I can..

My ENFP best mate and have often joked about how we can be "womanizers"... PLEASE NOTE - I said "joked" haha.. :tongue: .. Yeah, I can relate to many things that women go through. I can connect the dots between the feelings and their real-world application, etc. But am I any less masculine than your average bloke? I don't think so.. You should ask my lady for an answer to that one..

I've been deemed an alpha male on more than one occasion, and apparently I am a natural leader (I just like to stay in the background sometimes - because I don't like to impose my awesomeness on others) hahaa.. And even with my alpha-male status (as deemed by other sources) - I can sometimes be overly sensitive in some circumstances, and sometimes take things a little too personally (especially when I am tired).. When I am feeling on top of the world, it's ALL good.. haha..

So, ENFP males = Femininity isn't quite always the case.. lol :wink:

Lol I've joked about my ENFP being a womanizer too lol. Well we call him a player, but he's not trying to be. He just has a way of drawing in alot of women. I heard ENFPs are very loyal so I don't think that whole player thing might be exactly true lol. But they do have a hard time staying in one place because they like to explore other options and try out different things.

My ENFP friend is such a compassionate and friendly individual. He gives to people and knows how to make others feel at ease with just his presence and hugs. He gives to people and knows how to make others feel at ease with his presence and hugs. At the same time his physical build does not make him look feminie at all. Though he tends to be emotioal, his appearance does not give this away.

I've learned to appreciate his qualities and we seem to get along with each other and appreciate each other's differences.
 
#3 ·
There's a difference between being a DB and not being a door mat.

You know, as an ENFP male you're really in with women when they're being honest with you. Don't think that just because they're women that their stuff doesn't stink! Talk to women like you would your guy friends and if they don't like it then they weren't your friend to begin with. I used to be a Dr. Phil to a lot of women through out high school. Don't do that. If you want to help, offer some simple and sound advice but don't be Dr. Phil.

I discovered this the hardest way. It also doesn't help that American culture throughout high school and college glorifies the alpha male stereotype. Obviously be in shape, but gender stereotypes be damned. I'll call them out whenever i see them.

I've broken the friend zone a bunch of times. Develop some grounding and principles and be surprised how effective that is. ENFP men are masters with women when the skill is honed. Better than any ENFJ can ever naturally do.
 
#4 ·
I like to think that ENFPs don't really care about gender identity (and if they do it's usually a stressful, horrible thing from pressure applied by a parent or similar authority figure). I know I have traits that fall all over the map - my boyfriend has called me a "bro" before for some of the things I've said while playing video games. :p But I'm also ridiculously feminine in some aspects.

I think it has something to do with being genuine, being comfortable in your own skin, and playful curiosity. :)
 
#5 ·
Okay, so here's my opinion. ENFP men really shouldn't care about what others think of them. Just because, they're emotional, sensitive etc etc (which society generally compares it as 'feminine' traits) doesn't mean they're not real man. Being sensitive and emotional doesn't in ANYWAY prove that a male is being girlish. It proves that he's emotionally matured and soft-hearted. And a real man is someone who knows how behave like a human, who knows how to treat people, who respects women and doesn't runs after them just for sexual pleasure. (and 60% of men are like this) A person doesn't become a REAL MAN, only by working on his muscles and being 'brave'. Watching a movie which is 'girlish' according to the society, doesn't prove that YOU are not a real man. It proves that the society is rigid and narrow-minded.
 
#8 ·
if a guy is nice covering insecurity, needy, indecisive and overly sensitive, that is something that individual needs to sort out in themselves, and you can hardly blame women for deciding those are feminine traits.
My objection to those traits isn't that they're feminine (they're not); it's that they're annoying. Even so, I actually find it easier to stomach neediness and insecurity than fakeness and douchebaggery. If I catch the slightest whiff of the latter two, it's a run-for-the-hills scenario.

@Alysaria Totally agree with your assessment.
 
#9 ·
ENFP men we are quintessentially Knights rescuing the damsel in distress in our heads. I wish I could live in my head without worrying about all problems associated with reality. I used to love being kind chivalrous and nice it got me nothing but a nice warm place in the freindzone twice(COMBO U mad?).



Now Im just rude erratic short tempered and all of a sudden everyone gives a crap sadly playing the Te has gotten me further than being myself, in terms of popularity and respect or at least the illusion of it. This also drains me because my interaction with people suffers as I push everyone away purposefully its not healthy but Schools over now just exams then UNI.

 
#11 ·
As a ENFP male in his late 20's I have realized that men MUST show tenderness if they are to obtain attention from the fairer sex... However, the ability to be protective should also be displayed. Women need to know that their man is willing to protect them at all costs.... ENFP men have this ability, while still being sensitive, affectionate and caring men. (Also, I think a woman's influence from her father also plays a part in who they choose)
 
#14 ·
Thank you @Tridentus for bringing this topic up. I think it shed some positive light on ENFP men.
Cheers KoD. my intention was not just to shed positive light on us though, i just wish i could make people see how things are, because i feel so many people get the issue so the wrong way round. my frustration is that in my experience it's something which prevents people reaching their potential and leads them astray from their proper path- and if i could make everyone realise i would, obviously i can't.

Also my point wasn't to say that "all sensitivity is great", because there are such things as over sensitivity, neediness, etc. those things are things we're all guilty of as ENFPs somewhere down the line, and in a way they're perfectly natural, but hopefully a person develops with maturity into someone who is an emotionally complete individual, and you can't achieve that by swaying yourself away from the path you're meant to be on.

it's interesting to hear everyone's views though.
 
#15 ·
This is a thread that i realise has come up a lot, however i've disagreed with the angle with which most of them have been posted, so i decided to thread my own opinion.
There's been so much said about masculine and feminine traits, but i think any ENFP male worth his salt should realise the myth behind that. There's this idea bandied around that guys who are sensitive are somehow displaying feminine qualities, and somehow that is bad. that's bollocks.
I've seen guys who were incredible sensitive, compassionate, morally strong souls hit their late teens and become fake, cocky and obnoxious because of a misguided belief that they should act more "masculine" (in my own life). I believe that is so wrong- a male ENFP needs to embrace their compassion in order to fulfill their potential, in fact a lot of notions of qualities that are "masculine" aren't good qualities- for example, men tend to be less emotionally mature than women, that's just a fact, and yet i've seen people (enfps, sometimes) avoid their natural tendency in this area to act like tw*ts instead just to fit in with their buddies. I also see the threads on this very forum, which the feelings in my stomach reject fiercely- particularly in a belief that women are not attracted to an individual because they display "feminine" qualities.
From my experience, what women see as masculine qualities, and what is written down on some sites are completely different things. any good quality in a guy will be seen as a masculine trait by many women, any quality displayed by "most guys", good or bad, will be seen as masculine in popular belief- if a guy is compassionate, emotionally mature, and morally strong a lot of women will find that very masculine.. if a guy is nice covering insecurity, needy, indecisive and overly sensitive, that is something that individual needs to sort out in themselves, and you can hardly blame women for deciding those are feminine traits.
I disagree with you about what is feminine. I think being caring, compassionate, artistic, etc are very feminine traits, but I guess my question is, why is feminine bad? I consider myself a very feminine person, but that doesn't make me any less psychologically strong, powerful or capable (most of the macho men I know are insecure weaklings with childish communication skills and . my thoughts are
- some guys are naturally more masculine, other guys are naturally more feminine. people who try to be what they aren't just come off as imbeciles (I've seen plenty feminine guys trying to be masculine and plenty of masculine guys trying to be feminine, both are disgusting to look at if you ask me). everyone has a different masculine/feminine balance (personally I'm both fairly masculine and fairly feminine)
- that said, I think it's good for everyone to develop at least some qualities of both masculinity and femininity, and by masculine I mean legitimately masculine, not macho. like being assertive, productive, psychologically resilient and confident (notice "tough" wasn't anywhere on that list)
 
#16 ·
- that said, I think it's good for everyone to develop at least some qualities of both masculinity and femininity, and by masculine I mean legitimately masculine, not macho. like being assertive, productive, psychologically resilient and confident (notice "tough" wasn't anywhere on that list)
You answered your own question in the end. Being "masculine" and having "masculine" traits really comes down to being responsible, caring, grounded and an effective leader. Both men and women can do this, although I find that all men and women should esteem at being responsible, caring, grounded, and an effective leader. Although this is more of a pipe dream in many instances.
 
#19 ·
I *think* one of my brother's is ENFP. Sometimes I don't get where he is coming from but that could be alcohol lol! He is an identical twin and my other brother is quite different. They are a lot alike in so many ways but they really are two very different people. Anyway, this brother that I think may be ENFP has some feminine qualities. My Dad has even said "maybe he is gay" and even I have wondered a few times but my other brother says "rest assured that he is not" because he gets the scoop of everything like pictures of women, etc. But this brother of mine...You know he likes his chap stick, and spends some quality time in the mirror, and will even ask to borrow my powder, has his super sensitive side and is a sucker for animals, loves to feed the ducks, has a soft spot for children even though he doesn't have his own. He always wanted children but his recently divorced wife never wanted any and he will be 46 years old. Now out of the two between he and his ex wife--she was the man. lol! In fact, I think she has traveled to the other team and I could have told you that was going to happen 15 years ago but oh well. Yes, I have him seen him cry many times while my other brother I can't even tell you if I have seen him cry (I heard him choke up on the phone a couple months ago but that is it).

People love him and he has an excellent way of relating to people, a good hard work ethic. He is stuck in the middle of afghanistan working as a civilian in very primitive spots. He is living in tents, and sometimes a shower out of a water bottle--- he has his tough and rugged side too. He gets to hang with the Royal Army and USMC and ride in Ospreys! My brother carrying a rifle for defense but stops to pet the stray dog and give him some of the beef jerky he has in his pocket --- that is my brother. He cried over a dying camel, no lie.

He would give someone his very last beer if it is all he had plus the shirt off his back. :) He gets my stupid jokes. He is more needy than I am but I think this stems from having an identical twin.

He used to sneak me in bars when I was 16, we played billiards every night of the week for months. Oh my goodness, so many stories. I used to hang out with him when he was DJ and hang out all hours of the night at the studio. SO many fun times.

This is the brother I have slow danced with in the moonlight at midnight to country music, outside getting shit faced drunk and smoking cigarettes. Yeah, I slow danced with my brother. lol I can guarantee you this would not happen with my other brother. And don't let this make you think that he is closer to me that his brother, there is no way. They are so close that ocean's can't keep them apart.

SOmetimes when he is having some emotional moment he gets dark and worries too much. Even I can't comprehend his emotional state sometimes. But when he is in healthy mode -- he is awesomeness. This is where I interject and say the two of us together have "Fun" together but we would never be good "together" cause we are both so flighty and alike that it would be bubbles and unicorns every day of the week without regard to the rules. lol! Ok, maybe more like beer and bubbles. I don't drink anymore, though. Oh the philosophical talks, let us not forget those!

Anyway, key point is that even my Dad was asking if he was gay or not. My other brother calls him a titty baby. I guess he just has his emotional, feminine side and I am fairly sure he is ENFP.

Now I miss my brother :..(
 
#22 ·
Im having a hard time with this. I cant be myself because its feminine or it shows weakness. and if i show weakness people will take advantage of it and say mean things (yes there are actually people who do that the whole time). Ive had so many times that i woke up, went to school and was incredebily hapoy because of the nice weather (and once in a while a few smileys from girls ^^) and at school a guy crushes my happy mood. I feel like i always have to be strong and masculline. How can i go with this? I just want to be myself and be happy. I like spacing and being playfull. I love life and all the life around me. But at school i cant.. I have to change and keep my guard. If i show too much emotion as a guy i feel like im screwed D:
 
#23 ·
I grew up in an Ukrainian/Russian enviorment, men there are pressured to be overly masculine (a.k.a Always have a rock-like personality and always, always be the boss in the group, be the man in the family.) Of course there is always exepsions, but it's really the majority of men there.
My dad was like that, and I just want you to know that I hate him, and never want to see him again.
The problem with these men is that they are really bossy and stuck up, they are not flexible at all. When you start a discussion with them about a topic, and if your views are diffrent from theirs, this is war.
They don't care that they are a 40 year old man and you're a 14 year old girl, they will show you that you are wrong to go against them and they will make sure to humiliaze you in the process.
The only emotion they can produce is anger and happiness about their rightness.
Maybe it's of the theme but it really is the idea of the "unemotional" men I know.

So, you know, I prefer guys with emotions, thankyouverymuch.

By the way, if any ENFP out there intrested, contact me.
 
#24 ·
I have a strong theory that me being this type at all is actually a very large anomaly in of itself, and I laugh sometimes at what could have been.

I grew up with a single mother, and two older sisters, with a little brother coming along afterword, but the deed had been done, and for the first 2~3 years of my life I spent my time with only women. This, of course, caused me to take on feminine traits that didn't exactly ridicule me in the area that I grew up in, but now that I think about it, I was likely "that weird kid from down the street". The lack of a father to (maybe) discipline me in the way of masculinity such as watching sports and fistfights is likely why I remain an ENFP to this day. All speculation of course, but I do have zero interest in sports whatsoever and a somewhat morbid curiosity in watching men duke it out as if they're life depending on it, perhaps the Y chromosome or too much Dragon Ball Z as a child.
 
#25 ·
You can't change your type.

I don't know what watching sports and fistfights has to do with masculinity.

ENFPs are very rare in sports because that cognitive configuration hasn't evolved for sports but for gathering possibilities. ENFP is a very immaterial type with two top functions being very spiritual in nature.

When I was in primary school, I tried to do martial arts and other stuff and liked P.E. lessons but was very bad at it. I think it's because Se is unconscious and inferior. Dyspraxia seems to be connected to Ne-doms. ENTPs are even rarer in sports than ENFPs. Possibly non-existent.

Lots of ENFPs are in video gaming industry and writing violent fiction. I think there may be some kind of a tendency to a pathological and unproductive obsession with violence - by people who'd never show up anywhere near military service.

Found self-defence lessons (Krav Maga) quite useful, though.
 
#26 ·
This is interesting - my ENFP comes off as more effeminate in mannerism despite being a giant (6' 7") former college football player, current hockey player. He definitely is into ladies but is more silly and sweet in his pursuits than "hey baby." Totally John Hughes 80s movie in his romantic style. Often people assume he is gay or bisexual.

He would knock a dude out without hesitation if necessary haha I've had to calm the tiger on the rare occasion when someone crosses him the wrong way.
 
#28 ·
I spent a lot of time in high school trying to be a "manly man" along with the other guys, but I always knew that I was a goofball and I never really "got" gender stereotypes.

I gel a lot better around women. Their sensitivity, knowledge and strength inspires me, and I generally learn more when I'm around them.

Ever since I can remember I've always been very secure in my own sexuality. If people think I'm gay, who cares. My world won't shatter if people don't get me. As long as the people I know and care about like me, I'm good.
 
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