ENFJ's

**Blue Butterfly** · 12-19-2009 08:40 PM

For each personality type I would like to know What do you sturggle with the most in life? Problems you try to overcome but seem to never find that perfect solution? Please answer only in your personality type. I want to learn more about each type so I can grow as a person.

For me as an INFP, my biggest problem is extream difficulties dealing with other people. I have very intense emotions that makes life very difficult at times.

**enfj** · 12-25-2009 08:06 PM

My biggest problem is definitely being way too affected by what other people say and how they treat me. It really upsets me. It doesn't matter if 20 people like me just fine, if 1 person treats me badly it's all I focus on. I'll think about it even if I haven't seen that person in months or sometimes even years; the memories still get to me and I live most of my life in a constant state of pain and sadness and depression because I just can't get over it when someone doesn't treat me right. I let people walk all over me and can't stand up for myself... I keep my emotions inside, hidden, until finally I just burst.

Sometimes people think I can't control my emotions but the truth is I control them way too well for my own good, for quite a long time, but every little slight, every snub, every put down, every being taken advantage of, all adds up until finally I just go over the top.

So this, I suppose would be my biggest problem.

**Blue Butterfly** · 12-25-2009 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by enfj

My biggest problem is definitely being way too affected by what other people say and how they treat me. It really upsets me. It doesn't matter if 20 people like me just fine, if 1 person treats me badly it's all I focus on. I'll think about it even if I haven't seen that person in months or sometimes even years; the memories still get to me and I live most of my life in a constant state of pain and sadness and depression because I just can't get over it when someone doesn't treat me right. I let people walk all over me and can't stand up for myself... I keep my emotions inside, hidden, until finally I just burst.

Sometimes people think I can't control my emotions but the truth is I control them way too well for my own good, for quite a long time, but every little slight, every snub, every put down, every being taken advantage of, all adds up until finally I just go over the top.

So this, I suppose would be my biggest problem.

I wondered if an ENFJ would answer this question. I have an ENFJ supervisor and I think he goes through the same thing. We have had problems getting along and I can tell he has a difficult time with me afterwords. So if there has been past problems what would satisfy an ENFJ to make things right? What could I say to an ENFJ to make sure there is not hard feelings on my part?

**thehigher** · 12-25-2009 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by enfj

My biggest problem is definitely being way too affected by what other people say and how they treat me. It really upsets me. It doesn't matter if 20 people like me just fine, if 1 person treats me badly it's all I focus on. I'll think about it even if I haven't seen that person in months or sometimes even years; the memories still get to me and I live most of my life in a constant state of pain and sadness and depression because I just can't get over it when someone doesn't treat me right. I let people walk all over me and can't stand up for myself... I keep my emotions inside, hidden, until finally I just burst.

Sometimes people think I can't control my emotions but the truth is I control them way too well for my own good, for quite a long time, but every little slight, every snub, every put down, every being taken advantage of, all adds up until finally I just go over the top.

So this, I suppose would be my biggest problem.

I can understand this. Just because you know why someone treats you the way they do doesn't mean that it feels better. However that probably means that you can't get mad at them for it because you can accept people for the way they are and see past the fake boundaries we all put up between us.

We could analyze it all day....but what it comes down to is forgetting it. There are plenty of times that my emotions get me down....but what you have to get used to is.....it's not gonna feel better if you just keep on feeling and analyzing it.....analyze something else...trust me...it'l get your mind and heart out of it.

Believe it or not, you have a choice when it comes to your problems. You don't have to swim down to the bottom of the ocean without an oxygen tank or coming up for air. Not saying that's what your doing....but that's what happens to me.....so if it is what's happening to you....I guess ...I dunno....yea.

**kph5034** · 12-27-2009 09:34 PM

Geez where do I begin haha. Well I think the biggest problem I have is that I constantly wonder what people see when they look at me. I feel like I have no idea who I am and I am always wondering what other people think of me. I know that I shouldn't care what other people think, but I feel like people always have some inside joke about me that I'm not aware of. Another problem I have is that I never allow anyone to know too much about me. My life hasn't been filled with joy so I bottle alot of things up so I don't come off as depressive or whiny. I try to idealize things way too much also. I'm constantly trying to find that "best friend" and "perfect girlfriend" even though I know they don't exist. I really could go on for hours about everything that I struggle with haha.

**Stephalump** · 01-03-2010 09:39 PM

Hmm, wow. Asking me to narrow it down is downright cruel! :-)
I'm hyper sensitive to criticism, although I'm unlikely to show it unless I happen to explode because I've been hiding my feelings for a while.
Verbalize my needs to people is a HUGE issue for me. I spend so much time caring for everyone else, I don't even know what I need or want until it's too late and I'm already hurt.
No bueno.
Posted via Mobile Device

**Shadow1980** · 01-05-2010 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Stephalump

Hmm, wow. Asking me to narrow it down is downright cruel! :-)
I'm hyper sensitive to criticism, although I'm unlikely to show it unless I happen to explode because I've been hiding my feelings for a while.
Verbalize my needs to people is a HUGE issue for me. I spend so much time caring for everyone else, I don't even know what I need or want until it's too late and I'm already hurt.
No bueno.
Posted via Mobile Device

Wow, this is my biggest issue, exactly. I wonder if it's common for ENFJ's to not understand how we feel and for that to eventually backfire?

**Shadow1980** · 01-05-2010 06:19 PM

Originally Posted by enfj

My biggest problem is definitely being way too affected by what other people say and how they treat me. It really upsets me. It doesn't matter if 20 people like me just fine, if 1 person treats me badly it's all I focus on. I'll think about it even if I haven't seen that person in months or sometimes even years; the memories still get to me and I live most of my life in a constant state of pain and sadness and depression because I just can't get over it when someone doesn't treat me right. I let people walk all over me and can't stand up for myself... I keep my emotions inside, hidden, until finally I just burst.

Sometimes people think I can't control my emotions but the truth is I control them way too well for my own good, for quite a long time, but every little slight, every snub, every put down, every being taken advantage of, all adds up until finally I just go over the top.

So this, I suppose would be my biggest problem.

I had a very similar problem in my early 20's. It's really not fun to think about being mistreated 95% of the time when most people are loving and nice. It hurts a lot and it's such a waste of time to focus on negativity. (hug)

You obviously fear your own anger which I completely understand. If you grew up in an abusive household like I did you couldn't have gotten angry or maybe even acknowledged your own feelings. What worked then, doesn't work any more.

It's a big red flag that you think about it constantly. Your mind probably won't let up until you ease the pain. I think it's like if you put your hand on a hot stove your automatic relfex is to remove your hand. Your mind wants you to 'remove your hand from the hot stove' so to speak.

I ended up seeing a counselor for a while. Maybe you should too? You are probably a very nice person internalizing a bunch of assholes crap for whatever reason.

**Kalifornia310** · 01-07-2010 12:44 PM

I have a few but i think ill just talk about one issue. Since im enfj im the most laid-back, peaceful, fun dude around.. I give so much attention out, most of the time ill get it back. However there are a few people that are just str8 up jackasses. I mean really mean and rude and disrespectful. Usually ill wonder {wtf? How come they dont like me! I assimilated to their personality}
so instead of moving on and letting this human go, ill try harder to get that person to like me. ( i hate losing friends.. Even acquaintances)... I usually blame myself for that person not liking me.
This is a drawback to this personality type. I feel like a neglected needy dog who just wants assurance and validation.

**jdmn** · 02-05-2010 10:36 AM

Hello. My biggest problem is not something quite related to an ENFJ personality, altough I am. It happens that my actions and words tend to be quite imprudent, so I hurt other people's feelings cause discomfort around people. I'm also very trustful of people, so people tend to use me. My friends and family always brag me with these two things.