[At_the_Meadows]

Okay, us ENFJ's know we have a shortfall and this comes out as a horrible form of the ISTP - our shadow. Has any fellow ENFJs done much shadow work? I feel like it's something that takes a lifetime and I find this facet incredibly interesting. Given also that I'm falling for an ISTP guy but boy, is this another thread by itself!



I feel like I'm really developing myself personally, although it's been a huge struggle but well worthwhile. A newbie here, would like to hear other people's talk on this, especially ISTPs.

[At_the_Meadows]

Actually, are there ENFJ-ISTP relationships in the house? And how do you guys work?

[Exarch]

@Khys is an ISTP married to an ENFJ, I also want to hear about this.

[At_the_Meadows]

Is it true that an ISTP-ENFJ relationship is the best thing since slice bread?

LOL, certainly feels like it from this end. I feel queasy everyday. Any hints on letting my ISTP know I want to be more than friends?

These are the following signs that he's shown me (we're roommates). Welcome to discredit or confirm them:

1.Talks to me everyday, spends time with me... we talk about philosophy and the world OMG such a connection!!!
2. Tries to understand me,get to know me better
3. Talks about having children and sex (in a roundabout sort of way)
4. Knocked my plans to cook dinner and somehow ended up at a restaurant together ... I think it was an accidental date.
5. Passed a few of those "looks" around
6. Made an effort to show me his haircut at 11:40pm at night, because we didn't talk all day and I came home late...
7. Takes in my washing
8. Offers to clean around the house and does so really really well
9. When I had a bad day and came home, he was trying to emphathise with me by feeling like he was having a bad day too, although he seemed fine...
10. He took off his shirt once! Is this a way of getting attention or what?!!!!!
11. He didn't talk to me or say good morning which he usually does when I had my old old friend over to play video games...
12. He offered to fix my bike
13. He talks about 'his people' family etc and tells me intimate things which I reciprocate back.
14. He made his family's home made dish with me.

[Malachi]

He sounds like a great guy from my end. Not sure how well the relationship will work in the long run. Unless you two are both willing to put lots of effort into understanding each other. Because you guys process information in two entirely different ways and that can cause a lot of miss communication if your not careful. But two mature people who do really care about each other can make it work. Also you guys will balance each other out. And as a unit or couple you guys will be able to make decisions being able to look at it from all angles. I hope you two work. And you should post again if you two are dating I wanna know:)

[Falling Leaves]

Revising all the time is making me slide towards being an INTP again, however, I will add my 2c on this matter anyway;

I've always believed that in times of growth and stress we move towards our weaker functions, either becoming more well rounded individuals or complete and utter trainwrecks.

In growth, we grow in confidence and happiness and hence tend to move out of our own mental comfort zones, using our weaker functions to a greater extent than we normally would. This doesn't mean that we turn into our 'shadows' however, it just means that as individuals our weaknesses appear more balanced out; the weaker functions only ever act to supplement the stronger ones, never to overtake them.

On the other hand, in stress we tend to abandon our stronger functions, slowly pushing down the list to find something which 'works'. Of course, our weaker functions are still in an immature state so usually strange behaviours begin to exhibit in the individual; to put it simply, its like putting a two year old with ADHD in charge of a candy store. Yeah, not good.

In shadow ENFJ form, I become pretty much engulfed by whatever angry feeling which I'm feeling - I move from a state of near-constant apathy to constant emotion. I allow these feelings to control my actions. I tend to diriect these bad emotions at the nearest possible outlet - myself.

A ENFJ in shadow form would most likely become detached from his/her emotions, often to the point of obsessively trying to find logic in situations where there is none. I can't speak so much for that one however ^^

[At_the_Meadows]

Revising all the time is making me slide towards being an INTP again, however, I will add my 2c on this matter anyway;

I've always believed that in times of growth and stress we move towards our weaker functions, either becoming more well rounded individuals or complete and utter trainwrecks.

In growth, we grow in confidence and happiness and hence tend to move out of our own mental comfort zones, using our weaker functions to a greater extent than we normally would. This doesn't mean that we turn into our 'shadows' however, it just means that as individuals our weaknesses appear more balanced out; the weaker functions only ever act to supplement the stronger ones, never to overtake them.

On the other hand, in stress we tend to abandon our stronger functions, slowly pushing down the list to find something which 'works'. Of course, our weaker functions are still in an immature state so usually strange behaviours begin to exhibit in the individual; to put it simply, its like putting a two year old with ADHD in charge of a candy store. Yeah, not good.

In shadow ENFJ form, I become pretty much engulfed by whatever angry feeling which I'm feeling - I move from a state of near-constant apathy to constant emotion. I allow these feelings to control my actions. I tend to diriect these bad emotions at the nearest possible outlet - myself.

A ENFJ in shadow form would most likely become detached from his/her emotions, often to the point of obsessively trying to find logic in situations where there is none. I can't speak so much for that one however ^^

I agree with the detachedness, just experienced it last week, and let me tell you, it was NOT PRETTY.... I felt so emotionless and cold, like all the happiness went from the world...lol

[At_the_Meadows]

Here's the latest: I went out with my friend til late and I think my ISTP misinterpreted this as me going out on a date and not interested in him, and therefore betraying his trust... All I did with my friend was talk about my ISTP. How lame is that?

Anyway, I am now experiencing the hot/coldness of this relationship, probably at its worst, and I think he's now avoiding being at home so he won't have to feel bad.

Seriously I find this dumb. But I still have the major hots for him. What's the best way to clear it???

I am so innocent, this sucks.

[GuruOfReason]

I agree with the detachedness, just experienced it last week, and let me tell you, it was NOT PRETTY.... I felt so emotionless and cold, like all the happiness went from the world...lol

I would like to experience what inferior Ti would be like. Of course, it is NOTHING like using it as a primary function, where using it can make you feel warm and content. When a function is grouped in its inferior context, the worst side of it always shows itself. You should read this book.

As an INTP, our Fe function turns ugly when our Ti loses control of it. Our emotions become very out of control, and we tend to feel totally unloved and totally unlovable.

[At_the_Meadows]

Okay cold period is over. My ISTP came home and showered me with practicality gestures such as lawnmowing, another offer to fix bike and all rounded need to want to converse... Apparently he was upset by the other roommates and says its not me. YAY.

I don't know how to react to these. I'm so glad he's mature enough to start explaining his actions because I don't want to ask him about it first. This is why I am so keen on this ISTP.