This is a discussion on ENFJs = The Liars? within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; We're still figuring out my personality type, but I seem to be an ENFJ. I'm actually painfully honest, but very ...
We're still figuring out my personality type, but I seem to be an ENFJ. I'm actually painfully honest, but very prone to exaggeration and "truth by emotion". So sometimes I'll say something that seems true because it matches my emotions and, in that sense, it's factual. But the concrete, gritty, facts may be revealed as something a bit different.
I don't lie.
I don't give a shit about protecting your feelings if you need to hear the truth.
"Do I look fat?" Hell yes you do, bitch!
However, I do sugarcoat things if I know the truth won't be handled well.
I think this has more to do with the people you attract, than ENFJ's. A lot of people lie, and for many reasons, it just seems like your very unlucky and don't seem to date the people that are trustworthy.
If i used my life experience on ex's that lied then i could write the same post about almost every type. But also every type has its truth sayers aswell.
It's not personality type that would make u more prone to lie, But the person. every type has its good and bad. u just seem to have been real unlucky
is it lying if you are being true to how you really feel about someone? sometimes you have to phrase things in a way that they will communicate what you really mean. sometimes you have to answer the question they are really asking rather than the question they are posing. take this for an example: if a girl asks her boyfriend if she looks fat, what she is really asking is if he still finds her attractive - that's the question her heart is asking...some men will, even if that outfit makes her look fat, say it doesn't, simply because they don't want to communicate to her what would be false, that is, that they don't still find her attractive, since that would be what she would understand by his words if he said she did look fat. if you are trying to convey the truth - that you care about someone - and saying something factually accurate would be either misunderstood or felt as a lie (the lie is that you don't care), then some people would say what it would take to communicate the reality rather than be misunderstood and hurt someone in the process.
ok, i'm playing the devil's advocate here....this isn't my personal perspective, but i'm just trying to introduce you to a different perspective which may possibly be behind these guys' behavior. not everyone thinks the same way about truth. there are people who approach life from this perspective ~ 'it's a lie if what is understood by what i say is false, that is, if i give an untrue impression, even if my words are factually accurate; so i have to say whatever it will take to be understood accurately, to be interpreted as saying what i really mean.' people in general (whether they are Fe users or not) vary in how they define truth.
take another example: say a girl invited you to go to a party with her, but she had been really getting on your nerves and you just really didn't want to go there with her. but you also didn't want to hurt her feelings. and that night you also had other plans already. when you tell her you aren't coming to the party, you have two options: you can tell her you don't want to go there with her because you find her annoying, or you can tell her you can't go because you already had other plans. both are true. if you care about not hurting her feelings, you would probably opt to just say that you can't come because you already have other plans. sometimes people have multiple reasons for their choices, and they may just tell you the one that wouldn't hurt your feelings. what they said is true...they are just trying not to be hurtful. just because something is true, doesn't mean it needs to be said. a lot of people follow the ethic that if you don't have anything nice to say, just don't say anything. there are people who do this same thing when they break up with others - they say the reason that will be the least hurtful, because they know a breakup is already painful and don't wish to make the other person's pain worse, or hurt them any further. they are trying to be sensitive. it's a true reason, it's just not the only reason.
when you are approaching life from an Fe perspective, the ethic that matters most to you is how something affects others' feelings, relationships, or harmony. you care about how what you say affects people, how they understand it because that affects their feelings and whether they feel loved and cared about. since you do love and care about them, you want your words to communicate that.
i don't know if these ENFJ guys were being honest or not ~ really, unless i could see inside their heads, i couldn't know. sometimes we can be confused about our feelings, and our feelings can change rapidly from day to day, and this may look like we aren't being honest in what we are telling others, when in reality we are telling them the truth of what we are feeling at that particular moment in time.
it's factually inaccurate to say that ENFJs are liars, and making such a generalization is hurtful to ENFJs. lying is not a personality trait. anyone of any personality type can lie. and anyone of any personality type can mistreat others. people of any personality type can prioritize protecting themselves (more so than others) when they anticipate something painful or difficult. this isn't a reflection on their personality type as a whole. just because there are bad apples in the world, doesn't mean that all apples are therefore bad.
@emerald sea Sometimes you sound so much like an ENFJ it's not even funny ^.^
hahaha i'm not sure what to say except that at times i've wished i were one of you all...you ENFJs are wonderful people who exude warmth and sweetness :)Originally Posted by Etherea
I would like to know why you believe truth is "best" as you call it. What is "good"?
What is good to one person might be evil to another. It's a matter of preference.
What is definitively good or evil depends on the subjective audience which is subjectively affected by the object in question.
If the judgment is subjective (which "good" and "evil" happen to be), then it is not an objective truth statement.
Ah Ha!
We have determined the heart of the issue. Your statement is subjective and, therefore, "not truth". And therefore, according to your own subjective criteria for what is "best" you have made a statement that is "not best."
If you truly believe what is good or evil depends on the subjective audience, you are going into this with a completely different set of beliefs than rock dancer. Who says good and evil are subjective? You're the one making claims with these truths that "good" and "evil" are subjective. I dont think its a matter of preference. you're the one trying to push your own value system of "preferences"
If you can't prove why it is inherently good or evil, it is not a truth statement. If it were objectively true, it would be able to be proven with logic, deduction, inference, empirical data, etc. Of course, values would still have to be assumed.
For example, assume that health is an important value. Then, for the maximization of health benefits, I can prove that it is best not to smoke cigarettes. If your health is important, smoking increases the rate of infection, lowers your immune system, weakens your circulatory system, and has been implicated in the development of emphysema, heart attack, and lung cancer. However, if health is not as important of a value as getting your fix or rebelling from your parents, or whatever it may be, then, smoking is not necessarily "evil" and my argument which assumes that health is an important issue will have no weight.
And no, I did not make this up, I deduced it, inferred it, and I'm not the only one who has come to this conclusion because it is reasonable, logical, and true.
I don't know what he is playing but two days after dating someone else usually means he is having her on a side for awhile...or was the two days later aka soon and not literally two days later?
to be honest this seems odd...but ENFJs always play full of love as much as i noticed - even when doing smth bad...i like that about them but it's confusing and i often stay with the same question myself "why did you do that then?"
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