I'm an ENFJ female, and I've done many tests from different websites to confirm this fact.
I've been searching high & low for websites that might contain information on ENFJ + ENFJ, but have yet to find anything, except for the extract from varies websites that indicates that it is highly possible for ENFJ + ENFJ to get together.
I'm so struck that I'm hoping someone or anyone at all, please HELP!
Any form of advise is very much appreciated! Please bare with me through this long story.
I'm going to be as honest and detailed as possible. Please don't be too hard on me.
5 weeks ago, I met this ENFJ guy through my ex-boyfriend. He is my ex-boyfriend's bestfriend. The ENFJ guy had just broken up with his relationship of 4years, and started hanging out with me & my ex-boyfriend. Back then, I was still currently in the relationship with my ex-boyfriend, which had been slowly falling apart during the last 5 months or so. We had been quarreling a lot more. But the main problem for me was that my ex-boyfriend always had this nonchalant attitude despite how exasperated I was, putting my whole heart & soul into trying to resolve the issue amicably. Very often he would just shrugged it off, or resolve by shouting in anger. Which I usually won't pursue any further when that happens, as my ex-boyfriend tends to get a little violent with all the shoving & pulling, and even throwing his stuff, if I ever tried to walk away from a scene.
What had been adding fuel to the flames, was how much I felt I was taken for granted. What changed for me was that I realize that I've had spent the last 2 years 2 months with a guy I felt I could never take first place in his heart. There were countless times where he was out with me, and his friends would call. And he would run off to meet them for a basketball game. He expects me to understand, or tag along to the ball game. Honestly, I have never minded watching him play ball. And I've been to quite a number of his matches throughout the 2 years. However, during a date? We often had a lot of squabbles and quarrels over situations regarding his friends.
I grew to understand him through the years, and accepted him more. But it just got worse, when he started to make decisions for me. Expected me to be available even without asking, got mad when he found out that I wasn't free. The list goes on. Of cos, I admit. Things weren't always so bad. There were times that he was nice in his ways. But I've spent more time crying than anything else in the last 2years plus.
I'd like to make it clear, that I'm not trying to sound unappreciative. My ex-boyfriend was the sweetest to me when he woo-ed me. But after he got me, everything changed for me within the first 3 months of our relationship. Till now, I cannot comprehend how a man can be so drastically different before and after. Why I held on? It was because every time something really bad happened, and when I felt I could muster the courage to pack up and leave. He says all the right things in the world, does the sweetest things. So, I always ended up falling back into it. And the cycle went on for 2 years plus.
Back to the main story, I met that ENFJ male 5weeks back. He was often caught between me & my ex-boyfriend's squabbles. I was really mad at my ex-boyfriend, as I've told him so many times not to quarrel with me in front of others, and that our problems are ours to handle and should be done behind close doors. So that we would not implicate others in our situation, or make others feel uncomfortable. But he does it all the same. * sadness
The ENFJ guy often would try and soften the tension of the situation by making my ex-boyfriend laugh. And as time went by, he even told us directly that he felt very awkward being caught in situations like this. There were times that he had played the 'middle' man, trying to make peace between us. At first, when he first did that, I was boiling inside. But after listening I realize that he was actually analyzing the situation and was sincerely speaking from each side's point of view. I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT. That was my first impression of that ENFJ guy.
It was very intense back then, everything happened so quickly that short period of time. We had our first actual conversation when my ex-boyfriend was late during the meeting and forgot to inform us. That was when the ENFJ guy first shared about his sadness & pain about his precious relationship. In turn, I shared mine. We became great friends in a short measurable of time, we were both surprise how deep our conversations went. And we found understanding in each other.
Believe it or not. My ex-boyfriend was aware of all this, as I've always been open about this kind of thing with my ex-boyfriend so he feels secure with me. I've always let him know openly, who and what its roughly about. But usually don't divulge too much details as I don't want to betray people's trust, people who chose to confide in me.
For the very first time, in my life. I was so swept away by how deep we could relate. However, you have my word that nothing happened at all. We remained close friends. Until that day when I shared with him about how thankful I am to have met a friend such as him, and how I felt we could relate. He agreed, and after staying silent for quite sometime over the phone. He told me that if I was not attached, he was pretty sure that I would be the girl for him. But because I am attached, and on top of that, to his bestie. He made it clear there and then, that nothing would happen and that he would make sure of it. He had also openly told my ex-boyfriend back then that he would want to look for a girlfriend like me, but not me, in the near future.
We talked less privately after that. He told me clearly that he felt it was for the best. We still hung out after that, the 3 of us. Until, one time when me & my ex-boyfriend quarreled really badly. And my ex-boyfriend was so close to throwing stuff after banging the table. Thank GOD, the ENFJ guy was there. He convinced my ex-boyfriend to calm down. What were we quarreling about? It was about my ex-boyfriend wanting to sign yet another phone line to get iphone. But I was strongly against it, as he has already 2 existing lines and so I didn't think it was practical. I told him to wait till the end of the year when he could renew his line and get it without signing another line.
Things got really ugly, the things that came out of my ex-boyfriend's mouth were like blades that cut. So much so that I cried on the spot. I tried to make it as minimum as possible to not cause a scene, but tears just kept coming. My ex-boyfriend just stormed off after that. The ENFJ guy apologized to me even though it wasn't his fault, as he felt so helpless. And then after a long pause, he told me straight in the face, that if he could he would want to just take me and leave the place. But he also said he could not do that. As I'm his bestie's girl. But he said he felt helpless that he could only watch by the side, and watch me cry. I looked up only to find him close to tears, and we said nothing to each other while he called my ex-boyfriend and convinced him to come back.
After that incident, the ENFJ guy was never the same. He tried hard to keep his distance. His actions were often confusing, as one day he might be chatting with me warmly. Next day, he might not even want to talk to me. I was so confused. We continued to hang out in a group. Until one night, that night everything seemed fine. He said he'll talk to me another time, etc. After that, I never heard from him again. He never answered his calls or texts. As far as I knew of, he didn't contact his bestie as well.
After that, my problems in my relationship persisted to a point that a called a cool off, and expressed my desire to not continue. And have not been talking to my ex-boyfriend ever since. I've met up with him, and told my ex-boyfriend as explicit as possible what went wrong with the relationship, and that I felt I had finally reached my limit. Especially after realizing after so long, that I could never be more important than his friends. Of cos, he didn't take that lying down. He tried to contact me, left my messages that would have swayed me in the past. He left messages saying that he's confidant he would not fail me again. That the man he is now, is different from the man he used to be for the last 2 years. That he wouldn't make me cry again, he told me that 2yrs of sadness for 60years of happiness starting from this moment on. Told me to stop my nonsense, and return.
I've not been in contact with my ex-boyfriend, or the ENFJ guy ever since. What I want to know is that, will I ever hear from the ENFJ guy again after he did that disappearing act? It isn't very nice when people just disappear without a warning, I would have rather been told by him that he doesn't think its possible for us to even remain in contact. I wouldn't be able to do anything bout it, but at least I would know what happened. Now that he has disappeared, without returning any text or calls. I've stopped trying as well, as I figured maybe he needs his time alone. But will I ever hear from him again? I really feel its such a pity.
Thanks for staying with me until the end. Your advise and opinions will mean the world to me. Please don't be too hard! Thank you. God bless you! :)