This is a discussion on ENFJ/INFJ relationship. Tips? within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by KC Contrary to popular belief, I really really really want to be ENFJ and I do sincerely ...
Open communication and trust
These two things really jumped out at me. I am dating an ENFJ right now, and these are two areas where we bump heads a lot. I think the first point is especially irritating to me because I *DO* consider myself to be very, very intuitive and in-tune with how other people are feeling--but it's in my own way. Yesterday, he asked me to get him a cup of water. I was going to the kitchen to get some food, but he thought that I should just get it out of the tap in the bathroom. He was in a bad mood and got irritated with me for not doing it "his" way and of course I was irritated because the END RESULT WAS THE SAME. Haha. I was trying to help in the best way that *I* knew how to do, and so it can be frustrating when that's not the "right" way for him.He also gets insecure if I challenge something he says...or he sees it as a challenge but it's more like me questioning, making conversation. But he takes it to mean I don't like him. But once again, that probably has more to do with his own issues and maybe not so much because he's an ENFJ.
I laughed because that dialogue is probably verbatim for many of the "lively discussions" my boyfriend and I have had about this issue. I think it's not only his type but his personality/history that makes him unwilling to share his own thoughts and assume so much of mine. Especially because I feel like I am so open and honest that he really shouldn't have to ever assume anything--if he asks, I'll tell him! (Which he may regret sometimes.)I'm dating an ENFJ now [1 year] and when we have problems, it usually stems from communication errors. There was an immediate connection via intuition on both our parts. But I think we take our intuitions too far at times and start making assumptions. Although i really cherish our non-verbal understanding of each other, it can bring a lot of clarity to say things outloud. Because we did have so much in common, I think at one point we started to overestimate our similarities and project onto each other. We would assume the other person was feeling/thinking in the way that we would, which was dangerous. Our arguments would turn into "I thought you....?" ..."No? Why did you think that?" "You should have asked/told me that then." Just don't make assumptions. It's better to ask, even if it seems silly than to incorrectly assume that your partner is feeling or thinking something that they haven't verbalized.
Same. The withdrawals are intense and impenetrable, and since I didn't know what was going on, I probably did some damage by asking him about it.But he does need down time, and didn't know how to tell people that. he would wear himself out and then just disappear for days. Communication is important there also. As introverts, INFJ's will definitely understand if you need alone time, but be sure to communicate that or it can be really confusing to us, being on the outside. From my view, I just saw him as extroverted, so when he went into solitude mode, it was unexpected and I starting wondering if he was upset at me or dealing with something serious.
Ignore my posts in here and the rest of this forum. My husband is an INFJ 6w7 sx/sp which was the reason I was mistaking him for an ENFJ. He is very much an INFJ though. Sorry for the confusion!
I am an ENFJ and I spend most of my time on the INFJ forums. They are kind and knowledgable about intuitive matters that I have difficulty with.
Even though it turns out that the OP is INFJ, I have a few things to say, just in case any of you guys are in a relationship with an INFJ or are considering one.
To the ENFJ:
First of all, if you INFJ is a little peeved or upset with you about something, relax. It's going to be okay. Don't try to fix it right away. Sometimes an INFJ just needs some space and some time alone to weigh out their emotions with logic before they try to find a solution.
Don't be too hard on the INFJ. INFJs tend to be perfectionists and will be way harder on themselves for their mistakes before you get a chance to become hard on them.
Also, since, INFJs are excellent at reading between the lines, an INFJ might easily assume something and act upon it without discussing it. If the assumption is false, it may be frustrating, but remember they mean well. It helps if you make your needs and desires clear. INFJs tend to like open honest communication as they tend to get frustrated when someone is not clear about their expectations.
To the INFJ:
Try to remain calm whenever your ENFJ is upset. ENFJs often tend to be very expressive and emotionally projective. Weigh your words very carefully before you express yourself, as ENFJs can sometimes be very sensitive to negativity.
Be very open about your concerns. Take some time out, once in a while to discuss your expectations and concerns, and make sure you communicate your ideas very clearly but tactfully.
Be a considerate person, not just to the ENFJ, but also to their friends and family. Make it a habit to treat people with respect and to make time for others, and make it a practice to be generous. Things like that tend to make a really good impression on an ENFJ.
that's all I can think of right now....
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