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This is a discussion on The Ask ENFJs for Relationship Advice on ENFJs Thread within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Maeve My sister has been typed as ENFJ although I wouldn't say she is a healthy one ...
okay...where do I start. The ENFJ and I have been dating for about 2 months now....um we are different in a lot of ways...but I'm pretty sure we're the same in that we both are putting our guards up. We both don't want to get hurt and therefore not being as affectionate and lovey dovey as we want to be...I think...or at least thats how I feel, and what I feel from him. He is capable of a lot of affection, but we agreed earlier on to treat this thing delicately, and be a little more casual. But now really....I just want to jump in head on. But I'm not sure how he feels aha.
He is still mysterious to me, I think there are a lot of things he holds back, because he doesn't want to be vulnerable to hurt. I'm the same way so....I dunno.
But I'm starting to like him a lot more than I thought I would T-T
Tell me will an ENFJ admit their feelings first? Will they make the first move in anything first?
He is affectionate toward me, and I know he is attracted to me...but he is holding back something... How do I let him know that its okay. That he doesn't have to put up a wall, and I won't hurt him...
"Dear So and so...
When we first suggested to take it slow, I agreed because I was scared of being too vulnerable. I didn't wanna get hurt so I thought we should take it slow. Take our time and approach it carefully so that we both don't get hurt.
But the more time I spend with you, the more you begin to grow on me. I really do like what I see. In many ways, you make me want you more and more, and please do indulge me with more of you.
You're a chocolate of desires and you have me very wanting.
Love, (or XOXO)
Again, somewhere down your own lines. Just imply that you're looking forward to him. We extroverted feelers sometimes need a lot of time to make a mistake. So you grab us and tell us, maybe be fancy with it and we'll kinda get the message.
I mean, do you guys also like kinda find it harder to confess your feelings for someone more than others do? I was talking about this with an ESFJ friend of mine. We're rather close.
We both find it ridiculously hard to confess our feelings for people we have affection for.
Also...I was thinking, Jim and Pam from the office remind me of ENFJ INFP relationship xD
Jim being the ENFJ and Pan being the infp....just a little haha
mm...its just so nice though....I wanted things to be casual at first...but I didn't expect that I would start liking him like this haha. its like he crept up on me, and took hold of me by surprise xD
At the beginning I kept mentally processing the relationship, worrying about weather it was right or not....I just treated it like whatever, thinking it would end eventually anyway...
now I really could care less if its "right or wrong"....I just like being near him. I like the way he makes me feel.
I tend to easily slip into this dark place when I'm alone with my thoughts...but when I'm with him, I'm left feeling so full and hopeful xD
He gives off this warm feeling, and I can't do anything but return it, and it feels wonderful. haha
I'm trying really hard not to get a head of myself, and romanticize things haha.
But I know he is having similar feelings...I can tell by the way he looks at me.
Like last night we went to this open jam downtown. He went across the room to get water and I caught him staring at me....and we just locked eyes for a while and smiled lightly. Like an understanding smile ...
aaaah I'm getting carried away talking about this xD
well , i'm a ENFJ female and to be honest we can be pretty confusing.
here are a few things ENFJs prolly like-
I don't know about most girls, but to me a 'buff' body is a turnoff.
Good hygiene is always appreciated.
ENFJs are high on morals, at least i am. you need to have a strict moral code (preferably very similar to her's) and be passionate and outspoken about it- genuinely.
Honesty and being genuine are very important. ENFJs tend to idealize relationships and when a person falls short of their ideal standars, it takes months for her to accept it, but once she does, generally, she writes that person off entirely. the justification is usually along the lines of 'He/she wasn't honest to me and didnt reveal their true selves to me. why should i believe them anymore? and if i can't, why should i have anything to do with them?'
If you're friendly, never just assume that her over-enthusiasm is because she's flirting with you. ENFJs tend to send out the wrong signal all the time because they're nice to EVERYONE most of the time. result is that their friendliness is mistaken for something different.
the most important thing is for her to have someone who understands her feelings without her having to tell him. EMFJs are pretty tightly bound books and dont take well to being pried open untill they're okay with it.
also when she needs to , give her a lot of space and let her be alone to just be herself.
i hope this helped