[TenMac]

You can skip to the bottom if you don't wanna read all the spiel

Hi,

So I am new here and this is my first ever post. I've read a lot about my personality type and agree with almost everything described. It has gotten me a lot closer in answering questions about my identity.

With that said, I shall continue with the topic subject. I have a really dominating F factor - I don't know what to do with too much emotional energy and it puts me at great anxiety for some reason. If I could change it I would. To me, thinking is a lot easier than feeling. But I cannot deny my feelings - even when they are inappropriate and illogical. They basically consume my whole thought processes and most conclusions I reach will primarily come from my feelings.

Thankfully, though, I have a strong N factor as well. It comes as a great tool in that it acts as my safety net. It filters my sometimes illogical, feeling-generated thoughts and actions. So it is critical at times, but I wished I had more of it than F. I like to believe that intelligence should always be put over emotions.



Also, I feel like the F puts me on the spot at times - causing me to be sensitive to anything. If anything makes me sad, I get reaaally down. And if something makes me happy it gets me tooo happy. My N can't do very much in such cases. I have a hard time rationalizing emotions just because they are too overpowering on my mind.

Anyways, only thought that helps me go forward is acceptance: I am what I am. Any attempt fighting it would go against nature and that would be a tough and long battle for which I have no patience. So I do imagine that there are pros for people who are strong feelers - or just have strong feelings. Is there a difference?





As for the pros: I find that if you are a feeler you will usually get the most out of good situations. If there calls for a time to be happy and joyful I can feel it 3x more than the opposite person. This is a double-edged sword though because on the flipside I will feel it 3x worse. I'm still trying to control that.

[JennaRae]

I totally understand! How do you feel when there's not really anything going on?
If I'm just having an average day i feel like something is missing- because I dont have strong emotions either way. It gets kind of depressing. I've heard thats a cycle that ENFJs can fall into- Always looking for something new and exciting because of how much we feel- when we're not having new experiences (good or bad) we tend to be depressed.

[TenMac]

Yh today there was not much going on and I could feel that depressive presence. This is why I have absolutely zero tolerance for boredom. Like you said if I'm not doing anything for too long my bad moods will start coming out.
Also, do you always have something planned? Like if there are no fun prospects in the week you get all anxious and depressive.

BTW, where are all the enfj'ers? I expect they are out and about the forums busy helping other people Lol.
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[JennaRae]

Yh today there was not much going on and I could feel that depressive presence. This is why I have absolutely zero tolerance for boredom. Like you said if I'm not doing anything for too long my bad moods will start coming out.
Also, do you always have something planned? Like if there are no fun prospects in the week you get all anxious and depressive.

BTW, where are all the enfj'ers? I expect they are out and about the forums busy helping other people Lol.
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Yes I always have things planned. lol. I use my sister and her friends as contingency plans. :)

There are usually more enfj's around here.... hmm....

[Shadow1980]

I think my biggest weakness and my biggest strength as an ENFJ is my inability to judge people. Since I see everything from the other persons point of view I think that I can understand people's behavior and motivations better then most and act accordingly. But since I understand why some people act dysfunctionally I can put up with it longer and I have a harder time dismissing people. No matter how hard I try I only see shades of grey, I can't see black and white. Sometimes I wish I didn't get it so much and could just give up on people sooner.

[TenMac]

I understand what you mean though. You can empathize a lot so that is where it could come from. I sometimes put up with people that I know are just no good but I watch that very carefully now. I make sure that if I'm gonna put up with someone that it is not gonna interfere with my life. I would hang out and kick it with such persons but not go out of my way to do things for them or help them in any way that is gonna tax me physically, financially, mentally or whatever. This would save you a lot of energy because some people can take your kindness for a weakness and they don't always feel for you as you for them, nor do they value anything you were to do for them.

It may sound cold, but as ENFJ you should learn to take care of yourself first and foremost. It is not selfish I think.. I mean, feelings aside, your biological goal for life is to help your own self and make decisions to help you.

I try to keep this in mind and I really don't have experience of me in this situation but I learned it before it could happen to me because of my ENFJ ways and how weak I was compared to others when it comes to dealing with 'dysfunctional' people.

[Shadow1980]

[quote=TenMac;162987]I understand what you mean though. You can empathize a lot so that is where it could come from. I sometimes put up with people that I know are just no good but I watch that very carefully now. I make sure that if I'm gonna put up with someone that it is not gonna interfere with my life. I would hang out and kick it with such persons but not go out of my way to do things for them or help them in any way that is gonna tax me physically, financially, mentally or whatever. This would save you a lot of energy because some people can take your kindness for a weakness and they don't always feel for you as you for them, nor do they value anything you were to do for them.

It may sound cold, but as ENFJ you should learn to take care of yourself first and foremost. It is not selfish I think.. I mean, feelings aside, your biological goal for life is to help your own self and make decisions to help you.

I like your advice to not expend energy on the "not so good" people. It's actually how I'm attempting to resolve my issue. I pay attention to how much my kindness is returned. Depending on how balanced the relationship is determines the amount of energy I willing to put into it. Is this how you've handled it also?

However, I don't know if I agree with the "biological goal for life is to help your own self and make decisions to help you" part. I think the fundamental goal is to survive and it's every individuals right to figure the rest out for themself. The fundamental goal of life is shaped by culture, family, personal values, religious beliefs, etc...I don't see how it could be the same for everyone.

[TenMac]

I like your advice to not expend energy on the "not so good" people. It's actually how I'm attempting to resolve my issue. I pay attention to how much my kindness is returned. Depending on how balanced the relationship is determines the amount of energy I willing to put into it. Is this how you've handled it also?

Yeah if I see reciprocation I will naturally do my best to maintain the relationship on a good level. As you, it is easy for me to understand other peoples behavior and motivation, so if I am around a person long enough I will be able to guess better than others if this person can be trustworthy or whatever.

However, I don't know if I agree with the "biological goal for life is to help your own self and make decisions to help you" part. I think the fundamental goal is to survive and it's every individuals right to figure the rest out for themself. The fundamental goal of life is shaped by culture, family, personal values, religious beliefs, etc...I don't see how it could be the same for everyone.

Fair enough. It does depend on personal values and etc

I was speaking in the context of the situation, I guess... Whether it is your duty to help or put up with 'no good' people who you can only see their shades of grey.. Maybe aside from your family and close circle of friends you should learn when helping such others is gonna strain your energy to no avail and avoid it. But if you feel it is for a good cause then I say follow your heart

[powerstand281]

For me the pros of beign an ENFJ are as follows:

1. We have a way with people. They just seem to like us without question (most of the time). That is a very good thing so long as we don't ause it. I have faith that most ENFJ's will not.

2. We are able to find happiness in the things that matter most in this world, other people.

3. We will never be alone in life.

4. People need our help, that is the role our type plays in the world, and we are glad to give it.

5. Compared to other feeling types we are much more grounded because of our J preference and our N preference. You just have to learn to embrace everything about being an ENFJ as well as your introverted side, your sensing side, your thinking side, and you perceiving side, so that you can become a well rounded individual whose emotions are not out of control, but instead serve a definitive purpose in making you who you are.

Now for the cons:

1. Too fucking nice! This can get us into so much trouble by not allowing us to see that not everyone is deserving of love.

Honestly, that is probably the only thing I can thik of. Everyone wants what they can't have: short people want to be tall, tall people want to be shorter at times, feelers want to be thinkers, and thinkers want to be able to show more emotion. We have to realize, though, that the world is not balanced that way. Balance comes from tall people helping short people and feelers helping thinkers and vice versa. We are all here for the benifit of each other. The hard part is accepting yourself so that you can help others.

I just want say that in no way did I mean to talk down to you or preach to you, and I hope you didn't take this post that way. I was just simply expressing my views. Hope this helps!

[TenMac]

5. Compared to other feeling types we are much more grounded because of our J preference and our N preference. You just have to learn to embrace everything about being an ENFJ as well as your introverted side, your sensing side, your thinking side, and you perceiving side, so that you can become a well rounded individual whose emotions are not out of control, but instead serve a definitive purpose in making you who you are.

.....

1. Too fucking nice! This can get us into so much trouble by not allowing us to see that not everyone is deserving of love.

Honestly, that is probably the only thing I can thik of. Everyone wants what they can't have: short people want to be tall, tall people want to be shorter at times, feelers want to be thinkers, and thinkers want to be able to show more emotion. We have to realize, though, that the world is not balanced that way. Balance comes from tall people helping short people and feelers helping thinkers and vice versa. We are all here for the benifit of each other. The hard part is accepting yourself so that you can help others.
!

I agree with the benefits of a J preference. It definitely does keep things grounded. I think if we did work on our other functions we would be close to being really well-rounded.


Yh about the other part it is kinda true we can be too damn nice. I have to say when with the ladies I know how to handle everything smoothly and go far but then because Im so nice I can't take it to the next step and I fall into the friend zone easliy. Thats what bugs me about being too nice sometimes.