[bluenlgy]

My older female cousin is a typical ENFJ. She is so charismatic and has so many friends I sometimes wonder if she can mobilize an army to overthrow the government if she wants to. Back in school I felt like she was like my "soulmate" because she was the only one in the family who could talk about things I was really interested in. Now I know it's mainly because of the N function.

I sometimes worry for her because she becomes depressed once in a while like the whole thing is a cycle. The last time she became depressed she tried to commit suicide but fortunately the attempt was not successful. A week or so right before that I had a weird dream where I attended her funeral, all the people she knew came and filled the entire street. She was dressed in white and there were countless white flowers flying in the sky. I told her about the dream and she said me and her always had this mysterious psychic connection. She also said she had "completely recovered" from depression and would not try to do that stupid thing ever again in the future. But from the way she told me I got the sense that she was just deceiving herself.



From the ENFJ profile I know many ENFJs have this same tendency to become depressed and entertain the thought of self-destruction. Anyone who has ever been through this experience and can you offer some advices on how I can help my cousin?

[Jawz]

Well ... Company. ENFJ's thrive on positive, happy company. She may have an army of friends [i did] but she might not have a close enough connection with someone where she feels like she's bonded to them. Or perhaps there's an unresolved desire beneath all that carefree abandon that she's avoiding.

ENFJ's are avoidant of issues - much rather ignore than face. And if forced to face an issue by someone, we find ways to cheer the other person up rather than actually face the issue. She needs to find her own happiness. The best you can do is regularly check up on her with cheery, caring messages, texts, phone calls. Be spontaneous around her and give her ample opportunities to totally express herself without judging her, or giving her advice on what to do or what not to do. Maybe you might be tempted to give her some good advice but if you get too pushy, she may pull away and change the subject.

So my advice is --- become a close friend. Be the first to initiate contact. Now I think your own T will conflict with her F because you just might get tired of listening to the barrage of feelings ... but if you really wanna help, then you'll have to bear the burden of the sounding board for a while.

Talk to her about her goals in life, her dreams ... get her to figure something out that she can latch on to and make it her reason for living.

[chickpeaax]

I really don't know but whenever I feel awful, I look at www.givesmehope.com so maybe show her that if you think it might help...

[bubbleboy]

I'm not enfj but I experience cycles of emotions and the best way I've learned to get through the depressed phases is to remind myself that my feelings are just feelings and they'll pass sooner or later. Buy a meditation book for her...I bought meditation for dummies last year for myself lol. Exercise, plenty of sleep, hydration, and a good diet also help keep your mood where it should be. And I know sometimes how powerful depressing feelings can get sometimes. I'd suggest letting her know that she can talk to you whenever she feels down. Encourage it. You should go to her whenever you feel upset to encourage her to do the same. And even just letting her help you deal with your feelings can help a caring person like an enfj...I'd recommend counseling too but that's entirely up to her. She might be too stubborn for that

[IluvHSJ]

I think Victor Frankl's book "Man's search for meaning" would have been helpful for me when I was severely depressed. I read it several years after and it provided so much of the answers I was looking for back then. I cried while reading some of his lines as it seemed to speak to my past dark thoughts...shining light to clear the darkness. It gives me hope and a sense of what matters in life. His words gently encourages and reminds me that life's challenges are worth meeting directly, for the struggle can provide accomplishment, insight, and meaning.

[avatarphen]

I wonder what happiness could look like if we could give it a form..?
The Shape of happiness might resemble glass..
Even though you don't usually notice it, it's still definitely there...
You merely have to change your Point of View slightly..
and that glass will sparkle when it reflects the light..
I doubt that anything could argue its existence more eloquently..