[Oreocat]

I've been in several relationships over the last few years and it always seems that someone will act lovingly towards me than once I put my heart into the relationship they pull back and stop caring. Is this a problem with a lot of other enfj's where you see yourself put to much into a relationship emotionally and than are disliked for doing so

[jdmn]

Mmm.. could be because you become extremely obtrusive to your mate's space, and they feel they must back off? We ENFJs really want our well being for out mates, and we tend to fall into controlling every single steps of their lives, every single second of the mate's lives with them.

It'll be good if you explain one of your relationships and how did you break up. So, please explain!

[Oreocat]

Well for the most recent relationship after we kept talking for a while and i started to like her she kept telling me she loved me back and wanted me to be there for her and hold her, she even asked me to prom. we went out and we had a great time together she laughed and i treated her out we went around the shops of one of the cities and I treated her and her friends with warm feelings and her family loved me...than since a couple days she shyed back and started saying how she didn't want a relationship for at least a few years and she didn't feel comfortable with me hugging her and even uninvited me to prom >.>" i don't know what happened we had such fun together i haven't done anything to wrong her i sent her flowers and wrote her poems...she said words mean nothing to her and everyone is just hurting her T~T

[kiwigrl]

She sounds like she has issues of her own. Don't blame yourself. What girl wouldn't like flowers and poems? I wish my husband would do those things, you sound like a romantic. You just haven't met the right one yet, but when you do everything will feel easy and right, you won't have to try and change because she will love you just the way you are.

[Roland]

YouTube - La Bohème - Charles Aznavour - Montmartre - Paris

[claircat]

aww like kiwigirl said its probably due to her own issues and feelings that she needs to deal with alone. it's not your fault,sometimes relationships just don't work out for one reason or another, it doesn't mean your to blame or that this relationship is any indication about you as a person. ENFJs are loved by many people, You will be a great partner with the right girl.

[Oreocat]

thanks it really helps sometimes just to hear someone say that -hugs all around- I tend to blame myself whenever someone close to me is sad or I can't make something important to me work out.

[jdmn]

While not every single girl likes flowers and poems, I say that her reaction was extremely immature. Just shying away? Nah, don't let her or anyone play you around. Like kiwigrl and claircat said, there will be someone who will love you the way you are, and will have the capacity to commit to the cause.

[kiwigrl]

thanks it really helps sometimes just to hear someone say that -hugs all around- I tend to blame myself whenever someone close to me is sad or I can't make something important to me work out.

You are not alone in that... it is an ENFJ thing to assume responsibility when things go wrong in relationships/ friendships. I catch myself doing that often, but the key is to stop yourself and say "Does that person have a valid point or is it a possibility that they just have baggage and it isn't my problem at all?" I've heard people say that ENFJs are manipulative (something I do not consciously do), and yet some people often use our thinking against us to make us feel like everything is our fault.

[Sela]

What kind of tool "uninvites" someone to prom? She's a piece of work and has issues. Even if she'd changed her mind about YOU, you don't go back on your word. That's so lame, I can't even begin to put words to how angry something like that makes me. Anyway, you just keep doing what you're doing, and don't change. There is/will be the right person out there, somewhere. I know one ENFJ (coworker) and I find him very endearing/interesting. Soooo-o-o-o, even if us robot ISTJ types can believe this, you've GOT to know that you're fine and this girl is the one with the problems.