how do i know is she's ENFJ or ESFJ?

**eveni** · 10-16-2010 09:36 AM

i like this girl but i have been hearing a lot of awful things about her like she's very manipulative and she twists words etc.

based from the data, i have this inkling that she's either ESFJ or ENFJ. i do not know which one for sure. please help me.

**lantern** · 10-16-2010 10:24 AM

Hi
I don't think that being manipulative and twisting words have necessarily anything to do with certain types. And this is said in a nice tone - that view seems unfair to ESFJ and ENFJs.
It could be that she's just got a mean streak to her.

**onstar5488** · 10-16-2010 10:47 AM

The differences are huge.

ESFJs are more realistic, practical, and focused on the here and now. They are more focused on what can be done now versus what could be done in the future. You could imagine them as the stereotypical caregivers, giving the old lady next door chicken noodle soup. They are pretty happy and optimistic for the most part.

ENFJs are drama queens, have very idealistic view points and visions, darker emotions, and can be quite giving/sacrificial. I feel like their speech patterns are more complex and moving, as they can be very powerful orators to stir people's emotions. They are probably interested in things like raising money to end world hunger (global vision) versus making chicken noodle soup for you (here and now).

**lantern** · 10-16-2010 10:59 AM

Spot on about ENFJs, although not sure about the raising money part - I think ENFJs are more like the counsellors to others and want to help people 'psychologically' - to help people FEEL better about themselves.

**onstar5488** · 10-16-2010 11:09 AM

True that, true that.

Keep in mind those were very broad generalizations- I just wanted to hit the point that the ENFJs I've met had these very idealistic/global causes compared to ESFJs.

They do make great mentors though...One of my biggest role models in life is an ENFJ.

**lantern** · 10-16-2010 01:15 PM

That is true indeed - we do want to make the world a better place, well I think most of us anyway :) and then we get older and realise that it's almost impossible to pursue so some of us aim to make a difference in a more local way.

Thanks for the compliment about us being great mentors ;)

**kiwigrl** · 10-16-2010 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by onstar5488

ENFJs are drama queens

I disagree with this comment. I am not a drama queen, in fact I like things to be easy. The 2 ESFPs in my life are massive drama queens too so there is no room for me to be one.

**eveni** · 10-17-2010 06:59 AM

Originally Posted by lantern

Hi
I don't think that being manipulative and twisting words have necessarily anything to do with certain types. And this is said in a nice tone - that view seems unfair to ESFJ and ENFJs.
It could be that she's just got a mean streak to her.

i didn't mean it that way.

**Peter** · 10-17-2010 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by kiwigrl

I disagree with this comment. I am not a drama queen, in fact I like things to be easy. The 2 ESFPs in my life are massive drama queens too so there is no room for me to be one.

You are right, you can't say that all people in a type are drama queens. But I do understand why that was said about ENFJ's.

ENFJ's are very idealistic. They like things to be just the way they imagine them. How that comes out is different for every individual. I know a bunch of ENFJ's, and one is indeed a drama queen, the others aren't but they are driven by the same motivations.

The thing that is most striking about ENFJ's for me is that most things are about how it makes them feel. The way they treat others depends on the situation. An example would be that if they are in a group of people they really like to be part of, and this group doesn't really like you, they all the sudden don't know you and ignore you. Then the next day they will be extra nice to you to compensate. (this I find very funny, even though it is pretty sad.)