[ENFJ] What makes you feel connected to people?

What makes you feel connected to people?

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This is a discussion on What makes you feel connected to people? within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; I'm an INTJ trying to figure out how one of my close friends (an ENFJ) works. So, what makes you ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    What makes you feel connected to people?

    I'm an INTJ trying to figure out how one of my close friends (an ENFJ) works. So, what makes you feel connected to friends, family members, loved ones, etc.?

  2. #2
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Why are you trying to figure out what makes ENFJ's feel connected? I could probably give you better answer if I knew what you're getting at...are you trying to connect more with an ENFJ? Is an ENFJ being distant? are you just curious? What's up?

  3. #3
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Shadow1980 View Post
    Why are you trying to figure out what makes ENFJ's feel connected? I could probably give you better answer if I knew what you're getting at...are you trying to connect more with an ENFJ? Is an ENFJ being distant? are you just curious? What's up?
    Your response is a prime example why I'm curious about what makes her tick. Your need for some understanding of the... feelings... (for lack of a better term) behind my actions is all at once intriguing, amusing, and from my point of view, very confusing.

    But to address your questions, mostly I'm just trying to understand what friendship means to her. For example, to me a good friendship is someone who I can have deep discussions with, and on the rare occasion when I feel the need, open up to and know I'll receive acceptance, understanding, and support. However, I get the feeling friendship to her means sharing the little moments of one's day. The 'I went to the store and bought eggs' moments that an INTJ wouldn't think of discussing unless the eggs were apart of a scheme for world domination, or reminded them of some obscure piece of research about fetal development in chickens. (Hmmm. Now I have the strange urge to research the research regarding fetal development in chickens ). Our differences are okay. I just need to understand them to be able to respond correctly, otherwise conversations just fall flat and I get frustrated at having exhausted my social energy trying to talk to her when she's the one who started the conversation. By grasping what does make her feel connected to people I can prioritize conversations so I don't waste time trying to come up with a response to irrelevant information, but also provide her with the support she needs from a friend. Come to think of it, I believe I've had this problem with every ENFJ I know, which is a shame as I am always running into them.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    Are you sure she is ENFJ and not ESFJ, did your friend take a test or something? I'm saying this because the egg example seems to me like something what an ESFJ would do. Either that or the moment of going to the shop to get eggs was some sort of happy moment for her, like connected to a bigger abstract concept : "enjoying the simple moments of life". But if she does things liek that often...I don't know...I know my mom does these kind of things and she is ESFJ.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    How I connect with people:

    Friends, Family: DSL

    Men: their little peter (which hopefully isn't actually little)

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    I suppose you are trying to figure it out from a Te standpoint? If so good luck :p. Think about all the information you get about things ...... in your mind...... that voice that speaks to you in your head..... the information giver (Ni) and imagine if you made judgements not based on logic but on feelings..... and not your own..... but everyone elses....... the Ni feeds their knowledge of other peoples emotions..... and they are somewhat like a mirror. The connecting part has to do with having similar feelings with someone else. How the connection works can be attempted at being explained but it's still pretty mysterious. I see feelings as rather subjective and logic as objective personally. To connect means that since you are being subjective ..... another subject identifies with your feelings and therefore validating your inner subjectivity. When you are being objective the only things that connect are other objects or impersonal ideas. That's why there is little feeling of connection.... because you yourself are not connecting as much as the objective stimuli/information ( that's not to say that there is NO connection when talking about impersonal information just a lot less). In order to really understand it.... you would have to become it. Learning it from the outside ..... kind of defeats the purpose in a way..... You could say...... what is it like to be wet? And you could get an idea about it and try and figure out why someone would feel wet and how and the purpose of it...... but actually experiencing it is what gives you the.... empathy? I'm getting way off track lol. But anyway.... Fe is kind of hard for me to explain.... especially since I don't even have it..... but I can give you an idea of what making judgments based on feelings is like.

  7. #7
    ENFJ - The Givers

    The Higher does a pretty good job.

    If you want to connect with ENFJ like me then you will have to use life experiences and stories. If you want one to open up you will likely have to share first. Like The Higher says we are like a mirror. I will give you as much as you give me. INTJ I think can attract us because my belief is although we are feelers we are deep thinkers on relationships and careers except we think too much so we naturally get real extroverted and tend to be really busy and when that happen we shortcut and begin to utilize our feelings as a first line defense. We are a social butterfly however, we do limit people from getting real close. ENFJ's have an extra barrier to break. There is an outward us then an inner us. We may us also take an aggressive friendly approach towards doing good deeds and helping to ease that inner pain or emptiness we may have.

    I have acquaintences and I have friends. Mostly are in the first category than the latter.

  8. #8
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by Accendo View Post
    I'm an INTJ trying to figure out how one of my close friends (an ENFJ) works. So, what makes you feel connected to friends, family members, loved ones, etc.?
    Spending quality time.
    If I can hang out with the person and feel comfortable with them. I like it when you get to the point where you are so comfortable with someone that you can handle silence, content to just sit quietly, that's when you know you have a good friendship.


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