| || |
This is a discussion on ENFJs & Manipulation within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by Ariana Either way I believe that manipulation as a whole is wrong, but when used properly to ...
I try to avoid manipulation where possible, but there are some situations where I just don't have the time or ability to have a full-blown philosophical discourse over a particular detail or with someone as a how.
It happened to me with my current girlfriend before I discovered MBTI.
Before we started going out, she would always tell me about other men who dressed better and had better jobs than I did. It made me really insecure as a person and then right after she said no to us dating (different story) I went out and did everything that she mentioned to me. I bought new clothes, started studying for the LSATs and GREs, bought new colognes, etc etc.
Needless to say, she never will admit to it but I called her out on it. She does tend to use her people convincing power for good. If anything I adore her now because of it. We're dating now but still, it's pretty funny how I fell pray to it.
In my teenage years I do think that I was manipulative.....in a bad way. It was selfish. However, I do believe that much of it can be attributed to fear of vulnerability. I was manipulative when I felt threatened or unappreciated. I manipulated to try to gain that appreciation.
In retrospect, I know see that it was this fear and insecurity...which stirred up a huge desire for control within me. I think, as I have grown and matured as a human being, I tend to avoid manipulation at all costs (However, it still occurs without my knowledge on occasion...[:) I know I still have a desire to control my surroundings, but I try my best to abstain from negative infractions of this type.
Anyways, I think the word manipulation carries so many heavy, negative connotations. Manipulation, (much like the word consequence) immediately carries a negative weight. Just reading it gives me a sinking feeling in my gut.
To wrap things up. At this point in my life, if I "manipulate" (which I'm sure I do) in a good or bad way....I don't see it as manipulation. It's almost instinctual, for if I recognized it as being harmful, I would try my best to discard of the behavior.
Can someone lend me some Pness? :]
People of all 16 types can be guilty of manipulation in their own way. It's not a trait specific to just one type --- almost everyone does it to someone else at least once in their life. Just admit it and move on :)
The idea is to grow as individuals and not accuse people of having type specific traits [either positive or negative] just because they happened to show up in some random web-site's description.
Hmmm...another thing I was just thinking about: In a group setting, I'm very watchful of people to make sure that nobody is vying for power for the sake of their own ego, etc. I find that, sometimes, when I find that that sort of person is trying to set something like that in motion, that I need to be manipulative in a way to show them that that sort of behaviour isn't welcome. It's actually pretty tough to get a group of people in the mentality where everyone isn't trying to claw their way aggressively to the top, and one or two of the wrong unhealthy people can actually ruin that almost single-handedly. I'm willing to be a little underhanded in the short term if it's necessary to stop something like that.
Anyway in my opinion, from the situations encountered, I'd say the ENFJ was being more manipulative to get her way and persuade people, compared to me...I'm sort of an amateur. I generally don't like to ask people to help me, but I'm too nice and they like me so much, they see me lost in the things I have to do so they volunteer to help. I doubt that can be called manipulation.