[ENFJ] Please help, why would an ENFJ ignore me?

Please help, why would an ENFJ ignore me?

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This is a discussion on Please help, why would an ENFJ ignore me? within the ENFJ Forum - The Givers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Why would an ENFJ male completely & deliberately ignore a female? I had a very awkward experience this weekend with ...

  1. #1
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Please help, why would an ENFJ ignore me?

    Why would an ENFJ male completely & deliberately ignore a female? I had a very awkward experience this weekend with a former co-worker who knew I was sitting about 25 feet away from him with nothing & no one in between us. He just positioned himself in a way so that his head was behind a pole as if I couldn't see him. I did not go over to greet him because he made it very obvious he did not want to talk with me. It got even more uncomfortable when his friends came over to sit with him & yelled over to me to say 'hello', but he still acted like I was not there. Do you know why that might be?

    This is the second time he acts that way. The last time I saw him we were in the same place getting something to eat & from my peripheral vision I caught him hiding behind his wife so that I would not see him? I have never chased him down or anything & we have never had an argument. I'm an INTJ so it's not like I'm a big talker that he's trying to avoid. I'm just a bit confused by it. Do you all have any theories?



  2. #2
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Gosh, there could be a million reasons for such behaviour...it would help to know more about your history with this former co-worker

    One thing that happens to me is that people see me, but I don't notice them...often I'm in some state of half-meditation or insane focus and zone out a bit. Plus I meet a lot of people, meaning I'm prone to forgetting names and faces and not recognising someone at all Of course I don't intentionally mean to be rude, it just happens that way :-) Are you one hundred percent sure he is doing this deliberately?

  3. #3
    ENFJ - The Givers

    yeah, i agree with @shakti we need more details!! from the sound of it he could either totally be hating your guts right now, or you could possibly be over-analyzing and everything could just be mad coincidence?? i know i tend to zone out quite a bit, too!

  4. #4
    INTP - The Thinkers

    When I read that, I got a sudden mental image of him grabbing his wife and then pulling her in front of him whilst crouching :P

    Erm... I actually have a very hard time imagining someone deliberately positioning themselves in such a way that a pole just obscures their head. That would take quite a bit of premeditation and close analysis/visualization of their POV to pull off... so unless he came up to you and crouched so his head was about level with yours first, I'm banking on that being more incidental.

    Same with wifey - remember, you only saw it out of the corner of your eye. Unless he was staring at you or otherwise acting weird, he might have just been simply standing behind his wife.

    Being somewhat a connoisseur of avoiding talking to people, my tactic would be just to sit fairly far away from them, preferably with my back turned, and certainly outside of their direct field of vision. Similarly, if I really couldn't stand being in a room with someone, I would quietly excuse myself and leave. At the very least, I would just pretend to ignore them - I've seen ENFJs do this when they don't want to draw attention from someone, so that's certainly possible.

    It might be possible he just didn't feel like talking last time you saw him, hence not being all warmy-bubbles and sunshine pops. Has anything previously happened which might make you think otherwise?
    Happy about Nothing. thanked this post.

  5. #5
    INTJ - The Scientists

    I've know this man for many years; we worked on numerous projects together. I started to develop feelings for him during the time we worked together but I never told him. However I started to blush when he'd come to my office & it seemed to make him uneasy. After he resigned we would still run into each other & he'd wave me down to say hello. But last summer I was at a conference & I saw him in the hallway talking to another person so I walked up to say hi & he acted like he didn't know where to look. Normally he would look me straight in the eye but now he doesn't. I have noticed he has started avoiding me & it's very apparent.
    Falling Leaves thanked this post.

  6. #6
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Falling Leaves View Post
    When I read that, I got a sudden mental image of him grabbing his wife and then pulling her in front of him whilst crouching :P
    It's funny because that is exactly what he did that's why I noticed, it looked very strange.
    I actually have a very hard time imagining someone deliberately positioning themselves in such a way that a pole just obscures their head.
    When I walked up to sit down I saw him eating lunch at a table about 25 feet away from me. I guess he saw me come up cause there was nothing in between us so when I looked over a second time he had moved his body back so that the pole blocked his face and was sitting in an awkward position.
    Falling Leaves thanked this post.

  7. #7
    INTP - The Thinkers

    Quote Originally Posted by Mmmm View Post
    It's funny because that is exactly what he did that's why I noticed, it looked very strange.

    When I walked up to sit down I saw him eating lunch at a table about 25 feet away from me. I guess he saw me come up cause there was nothing in between us so when I looked over a second time he had moved his body back so that the pole blocked his face and was sitting in an awkward position.
    Okay, not going to lie here, but, in my experience, ENFJs have a habit of thinking they're being all cool and inconspicuous, when really...

    Really, I can read you from a mile off, sweetie.

    Okay, do you think he has feelings for you or something? Because that's the impression I got from your OP. I'm not sure if he despises you... I think it takes a lot for an ENFJ to actively be repulsed by the mere sight of someone; at least, enough to know you did something wrong.

  8. #8
    INTJ - The Scientists

    Quote Originally Posted by Falling Leaves View Post
    Okay, not going to lie here, but, in my experience, ENFJs have a habit of thinking they're being all cool and inconspicuous, when really...

    Really, I can read you from a mile off, sweetie.

    Okay, do you think he has feelings for you or something? Because that's the impression I got from your OP. I'm not sure if he despises you... I think it takes a lot for an ENFJ to actively be repulsed by the mere sight of someone; at least, enough to know you did something wrong.
    I have no clue why he's acting this way. I don't think he has feelings for me because he's married but who knows.
    Falling Leaves thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFJ - The Givers

    I know for a fact that INTJ people (and other T types) can sometimes appear extremely insensitive to us ENFJ's and we can be offended by really small things, which they have no idea about. Then we'll act extremely cold towards them, kinda like you described your colleague doing. If you want to find out, try to talk to him, but in a very warm and kind way. Chances are very high that he will then be honest with you and say whats bothering him and if you did offend him in some way, seeing you care, will make him very quickly become nice and forgive you as well as apologize for acting cold. (welcome to the world of enfj's :)).
    Mmmm and bbbooster thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I think he's avoiding you coz he's afraid he might have feelings for you. Like he's trying not to slip, maybe his wife knows about this too.
    That's how it seems to a distant ENFP observer.
    surgery and Mmmm thanked this post.


 

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