[Deagalman]

Have you ever written one? What was the outcome? Do you think it's nonsense? An apology without an excuse written correctly is what I'm on about here. Not something like, "I'm sorry I ran your dog over, when I was backing up I didn't see him and if you had him on a leash this wouldn't of happened. I hope you can forgive me." More like I'm sorry for my actions, then a statement of the actions, a true apology for said actions, an offer of restituation, ask for forgiveness and understanding of nonforgiveness, what am I missing? Apology is terrible and it's painful and it should be. And it's also worthless of the person who is writing it for having not prevented their action in the first place and I think this is unfair but should be. I'ts also very awkward for each party and preventing receiving party the awkwardness shoudl be th goal?

[PeacePassion]

well it depends on the situation, but i think you have to be careful that it is not a selfish act, and that an apology would be desired or appreciated.

[McCoffee]

I find it more respectful to say the apology in person. Writing an apology letter just really seems like they don't mean it and can't suck it up to tell it to their face. I don't find an apology terrible, it lets the person know that you do know you did wrong and you do care for it. If someone didn't apologize to me for something, I'd feel like they plainly didn't care. I find it that people should add an explanation with their apology, instead of just saying "Sorry." then walking off. I don't like it when people ask for forgiveness, all I want from the person is to know they did wrong and do not feel what they did is something to be joyful about. It really does matter the person. For me, if they just told me "Sorry." and then that's it, then it'd be awkward, if they told me what happened and why they did it, it could come to an understanding conversation.

[starri]

I'd rather have a letter than have unfinished business with no closure. But that's all their is to it; closure. If someone did something horrible enough to warrant an awkward letter or some other form of such then the apology =|= taking them back like it used to be.

[Vasoline]

I had to write a formal apology for school once. It was riddled with sarcasm, puns, and alliterations that they wouldn't get. If I really feel bad for something I said or did (rare), I'll apologize in person. It seems much more apologetic then writing a letter, as the person can tell you are being sincere about it.

But as a rule, I don't apologize for much anything except things I didn't mean to do. For anything other than that, I'll just say something like "I'm sorry you were offended by x, but I still stand behind my original decision. I hope x doesn't endanger our good relations." It helps keep me from doing stupid things because it forces me to face all the consequences for every action. Of course I'm not omniscient, but it keeps me on my toes. It's kind of a backwards motivator, I know.

[Deagalman]

I find it more respectful to say the apology in person. Writing an apology letter just really seems like they don't mean it and can't suck it up to tell it to their face. I don't find an apology terrible, it lets the person know that you do know you did wrong and you do care for it. If someone didn't apologize to me for something, I'd feel like they plainly didn't care. I find it that people should add an explanation with their apology, instead of just saying "Sorry." then walking off. I don't like it when people ask for forgiveness, all I want from the person is to know they did wrong and do not feel what they did is something to be joyful about. It really does matter the person. For me, if they just told me "Sorry." and then that's it, then it'd be awkward, if they told me what happened and why they did it, it could come to an understanding conversation.

The problem with my telling her why is the real reason why is a lack of character on my part. It's something I am working on. But, I don't want to make it about me. It's about her and the offense and the pain I may of caused her(if I did, not to flatter myself and assume). I may actually end up doing both, writing the letter and hand delivering it with an apology. The thing is I want to do this right. I understand your POV and wonder if she has a similar preference or thought on the matter. The woman is more of a business acquaintance(landlord at a rental property). Thank you for a different perspective. What you say is contrary to what the guidelines of a proper apology are that I have found on the internet.

[Deagalman]

I had to write a formal apology for school once. It was riddled with sarcasm, puns, and alliterations that they wouldn't get. If I really feel bad for something I said or did (rare), I'll apologize in person. It seems much more apologetic then writing a letter, as the person can tell you are being sincere about it.

But as a rule, I don't apologize for much anything except things I didn't mean to do. For anything other than that, I'll just say something like "I'm sorry you were offended by x, but I still stand behind my original decision. I hope x doesn't endanger our good relations." It helps keep me from doing stupid things because it forces me to face all the consequences for every action. Of course I'm not omniscient, but it keeps me on my toes. It's kind of a backwards motivator, I know.

I attacked a person who was helping me to resolve an issue. I was abrasive, repetitive, unthankful and outright absurd. It's not about our good relations. It is more about how I should not of acted. Regardless of the situation or the cost incurred by the situation. I was charged 177 or so in cost. I got 80 taken off for complaining but was still irritated by it. She didn't make that call or have anything to do with it. All she did was help me. BTW, it was the penalty they charge in the first place. I was appalled by the design of a system that does not allow me to edit my mistake after it's made. And how everything states clearly that payment was received. How was I to fix it? But she is not responsible. It's like going to Wal Mart and returning a refrigerator and taking it out on the customer service person because there is a part missing. What did they have to do with that?

I read about your apology and find it inauthentic. Why even apologize if you don't think it was wrong? It's the same as my example in the original paragraph at the extreme. I was reading about it. You only placate someone in this way. If you did it, even if you didn't mean to do it, you still did it. You could of not done it. I certainly didn't mean to do what I did to this woman but I did it. I did it. The bottom line is I did it and clearly shouldn't of and should never again. She didn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve a half ass apology. If I said to her, "I'm sorry I was abrasive and took my anger out with you but I feel the charge was ridiculous even though you work for the office of the company that charged it." That's like saying I'm not sorry at all and only wish it wasn't you b/c then I woudln't have to be here stooping to your level to apologize for the action you caused me do.

How you can't stand by an original decision if you didn't mean to do it? This in and of itself is a contradiction. "I'm sorry I ran over your dog but I still stand by my original decision to crush it's skull. I hope this doesn't endanger our good relations."

How are you facing consquences if you stand behind your original decision? That means you meant to do it. Then, you go back and say well I better make sure Joe smuck over here doesn't get all pissy because of the "mistake" he thought I made so I'll go humor that stupid frown of his.

[Vasoline]

I attacked a person who was helping me to resolve an issue. I was abrasive, repetitive, unthankful and outright absurd. It's not about our good relations. It is more about how I should not of acted. Regardless of the situation or the cost incurred by the situation. I was charged 177 or so in cost. I got 80 taken off for complaining but was still irritated by it. She didn't make that call or have anything to do with it. All she did was help me. BTW, it was the penalty they charge in the first place. I was appalled by the design of a system that does not allow me to edit my mistake after it's made. And how everything states clearly that payment was received. How was I to fix it? But she is not responsible. It's like going to Wal Mart and returning a refrigerator and taking it out on the customer service person because there is a part missing. What did they have to do with that?

I believe you've already answered that for yourself sir.

I read about your apology and find it inauthentic. Why even apologize if you don't think it was wrong? It's the same as my example in the original paragraph at the extreme. I was reading about it. You only placate someone in this way. If you did it, even if you didn't mean to do it, you still did it. You could of not done it. I certainly didn't mean to do what I did to this woman but I did it. I did it. The bottom line is I did it and clearly shouldn't of and should never again. She didn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve a half ass apology. If I said to her, "I'm sorry I was abrasive and took my anger out with you but I feel the charge was ridiculous even though you work for the office of the company that charged it." That's like saying I'm not sorry at all and only wish it wasn't you b/c then I woudln't have to be here stooping to your level to apologize for the action you caused me do.

I'm just saying what applies to me. I didn't have any idea of what your situation may be. I don't suggest anyone take it to practice, as a lot of the workings get lost in the message, I just want to tell my experience in what realistically works for me. Seeing as you asked about apology letters. I view it as more of a negative feedback system. If I'm not going to be able to apologize for this, then I'm not going to do it. It's quite the oddity

But lets say I was really sincere and thought I was completely wrong on every level. I would then apologize. Hence the "much anything," because I have apologized for things like getting all pissy at my parents while being truly sincere about my feelings of regret.

How you can't stand by an original decision if you didn't mean to do it? This in and of itself is a contradiction. "I'm sorry I ran over your dog but I still stand by my original decision to crush it's skull. I hope this doesn't endanger our good relations."

That would go under the category of "things I didn't mean to do." Accidents fall under this category.

How are you facing consquences if you stand behind your original decision? That means you meant to do it. Then, you go back and say well I better make sure Joe smuck over here doesn't get all pissy because of the "mistake" he thought I made so I'll go humor that stupid frown of his.

I was talking about things I meant to do and say in a conversations. A lot of people can get offended by what I sometimes say, so that was just the example. Lets say Billy gets offended by me saying x. I'll would say "Yeah I beat up that jerk, take me to jail." That's my concept of consequence. You don't have to be apologetic to face consequences. The only reason I have that philosophy is so I don't end up destroying myself with regret. I can face the consequences without having regrets. I've been down the road of regret before, not fun.

Anyway, that's it. I didn't mean to cause a ruckus with my horribly unexplained philosophy on apologies, sorry.

[Skewed]

I had to write a formal apology for school once. It was riddled with sarcasm, puns, and alliterations that they wouldn't get. If I really feel bad for something I said or did (rare), I'll apologize in person. It seems much more apologetic then writing a letter, as the person can tell you are being sincere about it.

But as a rule, I don't apologize for much anything except things I didn't mean to do. For anything other than that, I'll just say something like "I'm sorry you were offended by x, but I still stand behind my original decision. I hope x doesn't endanger our good relations." It helps keep me from doing stupid things because it forces me to face all the consequences for every action. Of course I'm not omniscient, but it keeps me on my toes. It's kind of a backwards motivator, I know.

I am kind of right there with you on this. If its something like I accidently trip someone while walking behind them or I spill something on them or giving them incorrect information, I do apologize. I readily man up when I make a mistake and will honestly tell you when I dont know something. But in situations like when arguments/discussions get heated, I usually never apologize and I dont expect one either because I just dont consider it personal. Why? I guess because I am not sorry, I know it was in the heat of the moment but I know exactly what I said(or did) and why. If I was going to be sorry, I would not have said it to begin with. How can I honestly apologize for something I meant to say or do? If it hurt their feelings, I usually don't care, at least not enough to apologize for. I feel like they just need to get over their little feelings getting hurt, there are far more important things to worry about in life than a few feelings. I know that sounds bad.

[sooner]

I don't write apology letters and i don't give verbal apologies, the other person will always be at fault to some extent.