[snail]

I am an idealist, and ideally, I would form and follow a perfect value system. Therefore, I am also a perfectionist, but in a limited, internalized sense. I used to be a perfectionist about trivial physical things back when I was younger.

I had such a rough year in the fifth grade that I clearly remember the next year, trying to recover, where I would re-write a single paper six or seven times, not even because it wasn't worded quite right, but because a loop on one of the letters was just a little crooked or there was a bit of a wrinkle at the corner of the page. Everything had to be perfect so there would be nothing for anyone to criticize because I had already been hurt all that I could take the previous year and needed to feel safe at any cost.

The other students bullied me, so all I had was the teacher. In the fifth grade, the teacher thought I was problematic because I was disorganized, sensitive, imaginative and didn't hesitate to ask questions when I noticed inconsistencies in what she was teaching. I was going to make sure that the sixth grade was different. I would make sure that the new teacher liked me from the very start. This is why I was determined to be her favorite even if it meant never being able to relax. Fortunately, I easily earned the teacher's respect with my poetry and art. My sixth grade teacher had an INFP daughter and knew exactly how to nurture my creativity. I grew out of my perfectionism somewhere in the middle of the eighth grade. It took me that long to recover fully.

[starri]

that was very heartfelt :)

[snail]

Thanks. I'm wondering if my shadow under stress turns me into a J. I'm also wondering if it takes three years of safety for every one year of pain for me to heal from negative experiences, or if it is just three years total regardless of the duration of the traumatic experience. One way, I would have to wait about seventeen more years to be fully healed, and the other way I would only have a little over two years to go. I responded differently this time, so maybe there won't be a pattern at all. At first I tried to do everything perfectly to avoid pain, but it was ineffective. When I saw that it was useless, I gave up many of the things I used to enjoy in order to avoid being hurt for the "chaotic" processes I used while enjoying them. For the last tormentor, even if my result was "perfect" it was only safe from criticism if I could show how it came from an ordered, linear process that he considered rational. I don't work that way, so there was absolutely no way for an INFP to escape his negative judgment. Therefore, perfectionism as a defensive behavior was insufficient. I wonder how I will deal with the next iteration in my life pattern. Will I bypass the perfectionist stage, or will things be the same again except that even giving up will not work to appease the next one?

[starri]

does it have to be an extreme?

[snail]

I don't know. I think I naturally become more extreme under stress because I am fighting the source of the stress as passionately as I can. My life tends to follow patterns, and in many cases, as long as I am aware of when various things have happened, I can predict when and how future iterations of the pattern will occur. Usually the most important characteristics of the experiences will just be versions of previous similar situations that increase or decrease in intensity as the pattern forms. Things tend to happen in threes, just as everyone suspects. There is more truth to that statement than I would have thought before I started noticing recurring themes in my own experiences. Within each larger pattern, there are other mini-patterns that take on the same form as the larger patterns, but with slight variations. There are major and minor occurrences. I should draw it out as an image to see what it looks like, but I'm not very mathematical. I suspect that it would look like some kind of fractal.

[MilkyWay132]

With things I don't care about, I'm not a perfectionist. But with things I *do* care about, I am. However, I think I am even more idealistic than a perfectionist.

[Paphorial]

I think idealism is perfectionism in disguise, because the idea of it implies that you are in search of achieving something that must be perfect in its ideal form.

[SheCanTurnTheTides]

I'm an idealist, but I think that it helps me when I'm writing or being creative. Perfectionism; however, has never really yielded positive results in my experience.

[boughtmeawalkman]

So basically, the thing that separates an idealistic person from someone who isn't is, one lives off of their own ideas and one doesn't? : / I don't want to be mean, and this isn't automatically an insult..but would one go so far as to say that someone who is not idealistic makes use of rules that have already been made? In which case, could I go even further to ask if an ESTJ is not idealistic, but an INFP is? By the way, I resent the unrealistic comment. You don't have to see something for it to be real, and it is that belief that helps to make these sorts of debates spiral out of control. I am here. My thoughts are clear. Who I am is just as real as you are.

Now..someone who isn't idealistic is NOT idealistic, right? That means they won't be idealistic, if that makes any sense - does that mean they're set on being one way and not another..? If you see where I'm going with this, please help me out. Just to let the record show, I don't comply with the definition of idealistic if I'm right in saying it is someone's idea to be resourceful and not focused on their inner opinions. I think there's possibly a better word to use to separate the two..for instance, you could say one is resourceful. ANTONYMS of this word include "uncreative," "unimaginative," etc. aka I may have hit the jackpot on this one. And please don't be offended when there's no need to be. I can probably write a book about a monster that flies and spits fire (INFJ here,) but I have trouble locating my mom's car when it's right in front of me and I've no desire to meet somewhere in the middle, lest I lose half of my imagination.

I'm just gonna throw this out there - if you insist on being one way or another, no matter if you're imaginative or resourceful, you're probably a perfectionist. YOU WON'T SETTLE ON BEING ANY OTHER WAY, and perfection for you may differ from another person's definition. And if your purpose is that of anyone around you..maybe you're not one, but in my opinion, people are who they are and will only be content in life if they stay that way. But..if there's another reason why a person can't be themselves other than not getting up and going, and they don't have a temper tantrum over it, maybe that decides whether they're one or not : / that, I think, is where I get lost. Are there influences that stop people's goals, and if so, does not accepting that make you a perfectionist?

[bellisaurius]

They both have that bitter taste of self righteousness about them.

Never let the perfect be the enemy of the good, and don't let an idea get in the way of achieving your goals.