Uncle Sam Admits Monitoring You for These 377 Words

Guys you're going about this all wrong!!!

If you want the government to monitor your phone and email, you need to make it believable.

This means google searching pages on how to make devices you shouldn't be making.

Then searching for a location in Google after you've looked at those pages some.

Then maybe have a IM chat with a friend who wants to spoof this with you, discussing details of the fake plot.

Just saying... a wall of text is easy for the filters to ignore. The agents are concerned with monitoring online behavior... the keywords are just little hooks that narrow their search. Though, don't be surprised if you're arrested for doing what I suggested.

Oh and if you *really* want to get looked at, pull-up some Al-Kaida sympathizing websites and try to make contact with the people there.

Let the trolling begin.

So the Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
 says to Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) that the Coast Guard (USCG)
 got into a prank war with the Customs and Border Protection (CBP)
 overseen by the Border Patrol
Secret Service (USSS) while eating pizza at the National Operations Center (NOC)
. They tried to get Homeland Defense and Immigration Customs Enforcement (ICE) to get an Agent from a secret Task Force controlled by the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) regarding a Fusion Center.
 The Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) was being a real dick about the Secure Border Initiative (SBI)
 and the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
 told the Federal Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms (ATF) that U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) was sugar daddy to Federal Air Marshal Service (FAMS)
 and that they were cheating with a person from the Transportation Security Administration (TSA)
. A gay Air Marshal
 buggered somebody from the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). The National Guard
 Thinks that the Red Cross
 and the United Nations (UN) were behind the Robert Kennedy Assassination
 and are planning to Attack our Domestic security with a Drill. Recently, a Miami Exercise instructor Cops local Law enforcement and other Authorities on the nose by claiming that Disaster assistance is not her problem, nor is Disaster management. I will pay you if you can correctly pronounce DNDO (Domestic Nuclear Detection Office). The results of National preparedness are a Mitigation or Prevention concerning the Response and Recovery
 to learning that your grandmother has mistaken your ball unwashed laundry for a Dirty bomb.
 Still, Domestic nuclear detection as well as Emergency management
and prompt Emergency response cannot be done without a physical First responder. Some dick as Homeland security told his friend at Maritime domain awareness (MDA) that the National preparedness initiative involved getting the local Militia Shooting
 photographs that would get Mr.Shots fired. Bowel Evacuation seldom leads to Deaths. Please send the money if they take me Hostage. I came so hard, it was like an Explosion (explosive). There are no Thought Police. Only a Czech could pronounce Disaster medical assistance team (DMAT).
 Those who run Organized crime
 are those who learned that you never win when you're one of many small rival Gangs. Normally, National security has to be compromised to prompt a State of emergency which entails heightened Security
. Once more into the breach my friends, once more into the Breach. When two people each make a Threat, the result is a Standoff. OMON is the Russian version of SWAT
. I call the things in front of my windows Screening. In case of a Lockdown, or if a Bomb (squad or threat) happens to party Crash, then there will be Looting. During a Riot, You will be used to make an Emergency
water Landing. Stories never end well if they begin by talking about how the guy was making a Pipe bomb. There was a trolling Incident at the lolcat production Facility where a Hazmat chick broke her Nuclear vibrator and the ensuing Chemical spill made it not only a Suspicious package/device, but also extremely Toxic. She was later declared a bitch by the National laboratory. Just for fun, I like trying to send delivery pizzas to a Nuclear facility. Enough already about the Nuclear threat. Still not as emo as Cloud. A Plume of 
Radiation is Radioactive. My bladder tends to Leak because of a Biological infection (or event) caused by a Chemical where I had my dick covered by a Chemical burn. There is a Biological ongoing Epidemic
 of things Hazardous involving a Hazardous material incident involving an Industrial spill and possible Infection, but I think that they should have tried smoking that Powder (white). I love to pass Gas. Jizzing in my pants is not a Spillover. I love Castle Anthrax. Wanking is my number one Blister agent. Alcohol is a fun Chemical agent. Further unwarranted Exposure
 will cause your penis to be covered with napalm, which I will then Burn. I have balls of steel, but I'm not a Nerve agent. Racing subcompact Japanese cars is called Ricin. The villain of Mass Effect 1 is not Sarin. In North Korea there was a zombie Outbreak because of nuclear Contamination resulting from constant Exposure to the I-Make-Kim-Jong-Un-Want-To-Eat-Everything Virus. You already said Evacuation. I can't think of a joke about Bacteria. Unfortunately, Scott Walker won the Recall. Behave or I will give you the Reston strain of Ebola. There is a difference between Food Poisoning and Foot and Mouth (FMD) and they are definitely not the same as H5N1. That Avian bird Flu steals my thunder, so says Salmonella. The only disease we have killed is Small Pox. Lol Plague.
 It's normal to like doing it Human to human
, but not at all to like Human to Animal. Recently, Influenza made the 
Center for Disease Control (CDC) ask the Drug Administration (FDA) Where they could score some weed in order to do research into Public Health. They replied that they had way too much Toxic Agro and they best stick to Terror Tuberculosis (TB) and Agriculture. I don't know about Listeria. Med Student Disease is always looking at a dreadful disease and giving yourself all the Symptoms. My rickroll's Mutation makes it Resistant to anything Antiviral. Kids, Wave goodbye to those consumed by the Pandemic zombie Infection. I am indecisive over whether to enlist for the Water/air borne. Republicans make me Sick
. That Swine managed to Pork my wife so hard that the Strain has made me put the house under Quarantine. There are treatments for H1N1,but there is no Vaccine. Holy Tamiflu ,Batman; the Norvo Virus has become an Epidemic. The World Health Organization (WHO) (and components) says that Viral Hemorrhagic Fever is not caused by E. Coli. We have insufficient Infrastructure security. I always drive my dad to the Airport. And CIKR (Critical Infrastructure & Key Resources) gave AMTRAK a nasty virus that caused the Collapse
 of not only the company Computer infrastructure, but also the company's Communications infrastructure and of America's Telecommunications as well as the Critical infrastructure dedicated to storing all the internet porn needed to make somebody bored enough to care about the National infrastructure
. Tickets are overpriced at Metro. Whiskey Mike Alpha Tango Mike is NATO for WMATA. I love the movie Airplane (and derivatives). There was a Chemical fire at Subway because BART and MARTA got drunk at Port Authority. The NBIC (National Biosurveillance Integration Center) told the Transportation security that Grid
Power
 isn't Smart
 enough for a Body scanner
. An Electric power Failure or outage like a Black out always happens when I'm fapping instead of a Brown out. I love drinking Port
. Meriadoc has the intelligence of a Dock. I play Bridge
 because the network Cancelled my favorite anime after numerous Delays.
 I hate it when I experience an internet Service disruption.
 I support using Power lines
 to hang a member of a Drug cartel
. The answer is Violence
 when dealing with a Gang
 involved in selling an illegal Drug
 such as Narcotics or Cocaine
 or Marijuana
 or Heroin
. Past the southern Border is Mexico
 which is overrun with vermin from the Cartel. It's always hot in parts of the Southwest like Juarez and Sinaloa
 and Tijuana
 and Torreon and at 3:10, in Yuma
 and all the time in Tucson. Chuck Norris Decapitated the 
U.S. Consulate with a Jedi Consular. There's always a reason to avoid El Paso. Fort Footpenis is now Fort Hancock. It's sunny in San Diego
. I hate Ciudad Juarez. Mister Nogales
 found his wife, Sonora
 in Colombia
. She used to be a hooker for Mara salvatrucha AKA MS13 or MS-13. Militsiya is better at fighting the Drug war
 than the Mexican army.
 ADHD meds are chemically Methamphetamine
. I have killed people from Cartel de Golfo ,called the Gulf Cartel, as well as La Familia and Reynosa and Nuevo Leon and Narcos, even Narco banners (Spanish equivalents), but my greatest glory was killing dozens of elite gunmen of Los Zetas
 during a northern Mexico Shootout. It was more of an Execution than a Gunfight. Fight Human Trafficking; Take it upon yourself Kidnap. You haven't yet mentioned Calderon
 but you already said Reyosa. I like groping a girl even more if she has a large Bust. In Tamaulipas, a Meth Lab attached to the Drug trade employs Illegal immigrants
. Being smug is called being an asshole- not Smuggling (smugglers). At Matamoros a Michoacana named Guzman told Arellano-Felix and Beltran-Leyva said that Barrio Azteca was home to gayly Artistic Assassins. Mountain Oysters are not Mexicles. The New Federation hates Terrorism
 especially Al Qaeda (all spellings). That is why they Terror launched an Attack on an unlucky country called Iraq. They meant to hit Afghanistan. The governments of Iran and Pakistan are theocracies with a lot of Agro. PETA suporrts Environmental terrorist causes and Eco terrorism, to the extent that they have turned celery into something deadlier than a Conventional weapon. At the local Target I found enough Weapons grade porn to make a very Dirty bomb. Highly Enriched
 energy drinks make the caffeine levels go Nuclear. Weed is a 
Chemical weapon. Rush Limbaugh's voice is a Biological weapon. Fertilizer, or Ammonium nitrate is the most important part of the Redneck Improvised explosive device abbreviated as IED (Improvised Explosive Device)
 Members of Abu Sayyaf told some guys from Hamas that FARC (Armed Revolutionary Forces Colombia) and the IRA (Irish Republican Army) threw a great party for ETA (Euskadi ta Askatasuna). Booze was provided by Basque Separatists
 Soundtrack by Hezbollah
, Weed by Tamil Tigers
, Security by the PLF (Palestine Liberation Front)
, Babes by the PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization
), And everyone received a free Car bomb.
 Allah Derka-derka Mohammed Allah Jihad.
 The Taliban Stole from my Weapons cache
 and gave it all to a Suicide bomber
 who perpetrated Suicide attack After licking a white, sticky Suspicious substance. The people from AQAP (AL Qaeda Arabian Peninsula) think that AQIM (Al Qaeda in the Islamic Maghreb) is getting gay with TTP (Tehrik-i-Taliban Pakistan). In Yemen butt Pirates combat Extremism
 by sending people to Somalia who helped the 419'th Prince of Nigeria
. Exponential Radicals
 are the reason why Al-Shabaab hatched a Home grown soap opera Plot
. Any racial Nationalist attempt at Recruitment or Fundamentalism whether Christian or Islamist
 should be treated as an Emergency. A Hurricane
 is not a Tornado or a Twister. A Tsunami is caused by an Earthquake. When I make my wife Tremor there is a Flood of something that smells like fish, and she drenches the bed like a Storm
. I know the Crest of the house of Temblor. I hate Extreme weather such as Forest fire and Brush fire. But I always put cream with Ice.
 If you are Stranded/Stuck, then Help yourself to 
Hail. Trolling spreads like Wildfire. The Tsunami Warning Center is not prepared for firepower of this Magnitude. My favorite Halo 3 map is Avalanche. The best plane in the world is the Eurofighter Typhoon. I swear there is an English hamlet called Shelter-in-place.
It is a Disaster That Snow
 delayed Starcraft II development at Blizzard. Seriously, I get tracked for Sleet. Santorum is more commonly known as Mud slide or Mudslide. An erection is not Erosion.
 You already said both Power outage and Brown out
. Now I'm on some sort of Warning
Watch. My cat needs some Lightening. We spent billions in foreign Aid. Getting laid is my definition of Relief. This post will soon reach Closure. The Interstate dam Burst. The Emergency Broadcast System loves to troll Cyber security. I have no jokes about a Botnet.
 Stephen Colbert can cause DDOS (dedicated denial of service) by making everyone go to a page at once, thus causing Denial of service. Examples of Malware
Include the Virus, Non-sexual Trojan, The yandere's Keylogger, and of course, the program that prevents your requests for porn from being granted by Cyber Command. The price of a really nice custom FN FAL is 2600. GTRO Spammer. Fishing is different from 
Phishing. One can get haxxors with a Rootkit. Quit your Phreaking. The score is 1:0 in the deathmatch between Cain and abel. I won the game by Brute forcing a Mysql injection and simulating a Cyber attack and inspiring Cyber terror of a supersmart Hacker from China
 whose first name is Conficker and last name is Worm.




Now if 15 agents don't show up at my home in the next 24 hours, then I'll feel insulted!

You best not be watching the Clouds​. This is top secret information.

Apparently, there is enough tax money to be wasted as it is.

Originally Posted by DarkWarrior

Some of the words are really silly.

Though I couldn't resist but make this after reading the words.


*WARNING THIS CONTAINS SEXUAL MATERIAL*

So my lover and I were in a FACILITY, role-playing AGENTS, hiding from AUTHORITIES. Before long I felt AN EMERGENCY RESPONSE, so I pulled out my DRILL, for some EXERCISE.

Her RESPONSE was quick as she jokingly said " I found a SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE!" and I replied "I believe it's a DIRTY BOMB". She looked me in the eyes and said "Well aren't you SMART".

She played RESISTANT, to my PIPE-BOMB when I BREACHED her SECURITY, as I DOCKED at her PORT. Soon I felt her LEAK. Her BUST lay EXPOSED. The TROJAN was BRUTE FORCING it's way in. After a while I felt it was ready to BURST. Though I held back the EXPLOSION, I wouldn't DENY SERVICE to her. Soon after and ELECTRIC moment, like LIGHTING we both felt RELIEF. My soon after WORM had COLLAPSED.

We EVACUATED before the POLICE came. We never saw the FIRST RESPONDERS, we were gone, the mission was over.

This is like.... Mad Libs, After Dark edition.