Listening.

When someone asks you if you're a good listener, what's your general impression of what their criteria are? I think there are definite styles of listening, and strikes me as a good idea to kind of try and put them all together.

Do they look for someone to sympathize/empathize?
Are they looking to improve their ideas? Critique?
Do they want honesty, or comfort?
Do they just need to vent, and don't want feedback? (side question: does this count as listening?)
Do they want to hear what they have to say through someone else's voice? (sounding board)
Are they looking for advice, or to give it?
Are they trying to teach, share and idea?

Given how many ways we can listen, I'm a bit surprised anyone is ever considered a good listener; it seems like there's a lot of chances to get it wrong. Perhaps it's best if we do the method we do to our best, or perhaps it's best to follow the social cues as we go along.

What's your thoughts?

Being a good listener is taking a sincere interest in things other people are saying. It should be natural.

Or maybe I'm just being idealistic again.

Originally Posted by The Hungry One

Being a good listener is taking a sincere interest in things other people are saying. It should be natural.

Or maybe I'm just being idealistic again.

The theory here would be, "good intentions lead the way"? Seems sensible. If you do err, at least you can know you meant well. The trick for many seems to be the ability to make themselves interested. I think I have it thanks to my curiosity, but it's a surprisingly rare skill.

Originally Posted by bellisaurius

The theory here would be, "good intentions lead the way"? Seems sensible. If you do err, at least you can know you meant well. The trick for many seems to be the ability to make themselves interested. I think I have it thanks to my curiosity, but it's a surprisingly rare skill.

Yes, curiosity helps! Now that I think about it, a lot of the time it is a matter of reminding myself that good people take an interest in others. Which is significantly less idealistic, but significantly more functional. ^^:

People have told me in the past,when I wouldn't listen to them. A listener is someone who takes the time to hear you out but doesn't have to agree with you. It took me a long time to figure this out and I learned it about two weeks ago. I'll listen to about anyone and agree with them, then that idea got reconfigured, when this elderly white man, who comes around my work every day, started railing against the minorities in the store where I work. Now, I suppose railing against minorities or anyone is okay,but when they make up 99% of the workforce, it's like why do you even stop on by?On top of that he would just rail against minorities, he still uses both varieties of the N-word. The common one that is Ni, and then the Ne. And it's like both my managers are African-American, on top of that I have a bi-racial niece and bi-racial sister-in-law, and he can chew your head off. And he's caused me to miss the bus twice. This leads me to the girlfriend idea. I have a hard time getting out of these YOLO conversations, but I thought to start a lie, where I'd introduce my girlfriend who has just pulled up and I need to go. And I thought if I get questioned on it, I'd just ask someone to play the part and drop by once and that's all they have to do. Or, Plan B would be to invite my younger brother to work, give my family my schedule then ask them to just show up one of those nights. It's a shame I'm thinking on how to avoid someone, he seems nice to listen to, if he could see he should keep his Jim Crow ideas to himself.

Originally Posted by bellisaurius

When someone asks you if you're a good listener, what's your general impression of what their criteria are? I think there are definite styles of listening, and strikes me as a good idea to kind of try and put them all together.

Do they look for someone to sympathize/empathize?
Are they looking to improve their ideas? Critique?
Do they want honesty, or comfort?
Do they just need to vent, and don't want feedback? (side question: does this count as listening?)
Do they want to hear what they have to say through someone else's voice? (sounding board)
Are they looking for advice, or to give it?
Are they trying to teach, share and idea?

Given how many ways we can listen, I'm a bit surprised anyone is ever considered a good listener; it seems like there's a lot of chances to get it wrong. Perhaps it's best if we do the method we do to our best, or perhaps it's best to follow the social cues as we go along.

What's your thoughts?

I think all of the options you listed are valid criteria. For any given person asking if you are a good listener, in any given situation, their criteria might be different. So if the term "good listener" is to have any one, unchanging meaning, perhaps it is to be able to determine from the speaker's words which criteria they are asking about?

well i believe a good listener can agree with all the types you mentioned above but allow me to also say, its more than what he expects you to say when you do reply or if you do reply.... the real essence of a good listener if you ask me is the timing by which he replies.

I believe that all of us experinced this before when you are talking to someone and you expect them to intercept the talk but they dont and you have an awkward moment of scilence that doesnt signify real attention even if it was unintended. the psycological conviction than you yourself must be working on the tempo with whoever you are listening to makes the whole difference.

That aside i want to think that the good listener is by nature someone who as you might say someone with multiple personality disorder, because in order to be one you must be able to toggle to the mode needed, sometimes you need to lecture to make the other person realize you are being serious listening to him then in other parts of the conversation you turn out to be a supportive type 5 min after you are advicing etc

so a good listener is just someone with a good sense of timing along with a good analytical prospect... and this shows because you cannot hear the listener and you cant see smell BUT the impact of the listener can only be implied through other senses for example heart and mind and sometimes optical through eye contacts

Originally Posted by Yoite

well i believe a good listener can agree with all the types you mentioned above but allow me to also say, its more than what he expects you to say when you do reply or if you do reply.... the real essence of a good listener if you ask me is the timing by which he replies.

Timing is an excellent point that I hadn't considered. For me, the challenge is letting the other person finish their thought,asi'm usually very eager in discourse.

yes i believe i know what you mean about the challenge being letting the person finish their thought. :D in all honesty i've been working on that myself.

I pick on the cues big time! I go by the type of relationship that exists as to how I am going to listen. I am there to challenge them, comfort them, inspire them, or all of the above! I agree with your assessment. What I don't agree with is that you have to be quiet to listen. Saying nothing in a conversation does not mean they are listening to a word you or saying.