Why do people dislike being corrected?

Why do people dislike being corrected?

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This is a discussion on Why do people dislike being corrected? within the Critical Thinking & Philosophy forums, part of the Topics of Interest category; Now correct me if I'm wrong... I can often be a little dense at times, in fact at one point ...

  1. #1

    Why do people dislike being corrected?

    Now correct me if I'm wrong...

    I can often be a little dense at times, in fact at one point I'm fairly certain me correcting my girlfriend when she would be wrong cost me that relationship. Yet it is not as if I would gloatingly rub her nose in the mistake and pride myself on some form of superiority. I naturally assumed people who had a mistaken belief about something would want to know accurate information.

    But this is hardly the case is it? I at times have difficulty accepting evidence that may disprove certain beliefs. I will spend days searching for counter-evidence in order to disprove what I've learned. However I do not just dismiss it nor do I dislike the fact that I learned what was actually true.

    I think of the term "Know it all" and while I do not claim to know it all, quite the contrary I feel as if my knowledge is woefully inadequate, I get the impression this is what people think when they are corrected.

    So... Am I wrong? And even if I am will you be able to convince me?
    Ace Face thanked this post.



  2. #2

    I don't know if I can speak for other people, but I can definitely speak for myself.


    I think a huge part of it is that being wrong about something can make me feel stupid. It depends on the situation...sometimes I will, sometimes I won't.

    A lot of it depends on how the correction is done. If the person does it in a way that makes it seem like I obviously should have known what was already true, then it will make me feel stupid for being wrong for so long.

    It's also a lot worse if it's done in front of other people. That just magnifies the feeling. It's particularly bad if I had been telling the group something wrong with confidence, then I'm proven wrong in front of them. I won't know what they think about me and what I know, and I'll be afraid that they won't trust what I have to say in the future because I was proven wrong once.


    Which is the other thing I hate about being proven wrong....it makes me think of all of the times I told the information to someone else and was giving them false information. That's a bad feeling.



    I hate bringing the MBTI into everything, but I definitely think it has a big impact for me in this area.


    First of all is the general J/P divide. Js like to have things pinned down and stationary...constant change stresses us out. A Perceiver is a lot more likely to be open to being proven wrong because they prefer things to be in a state of flux...they like the freedom of being able to manipulate the specifics.


    But for an ISJ (particularly an ISFJ), this is one of the worst things because of our dominant Si. ISJs like to explore and study something to the full detail of it, and then use that information to make a decision. However, once we have our decision, we want to stick with it for as long as possible...we want it to stay consistent. We hate having to go back and change it. This throws off our whole mental state.


    So when an ISJ is proven wrong, it's very stressful for us because we have to put in so much work to go back and start all the way over again. We have to tear down everything we thought we knew and build it all again from scratch. Considering that Si uses past information to understand the future, it kills us to think back to all of the past times where we were wrong.


    This is particularly bad for ISFJs because our Fe makes it even worse.

    An ENTP online friend of mine believes in this idea:

    "It's better to be corrected and look a fool, than to continue in ignorance and be a fool. There is no need to fear being incorrect. Being aware of errors allows one to learn and improve."


    However, this is very hard for an Fe user, because we so often think about and value what other people think about us. Our social relationships often outweigh our desire to be perfectly right about everything. Unlike NTs, who thrive the most on learning about any intellectual topic, ISFJs tend to have other things that we value.


    Now, this is not to say that we shouldn't work on these things. It is important for us to grow in knowledge, and this often means being wrong about things. We also should make an effort not to care as much about what other people think about us.

    I also think it's important for us to keep in mind that it's ok to make mistakes, that we're only human, and that it's good to admit when we've made mistakes. Sometimes it's easy to forget people tend to respect you more when you admit your mistakes than if you try to always appear perfect.


    However, that doesn't make this easy. We have to work against a lot of our natural tendencies to do so.


    But as other ISJs, particularly ISTJs have told me, this is why we so often gather as much information as we can before making a decision.
    Grish and Psychosmurf thanked this post.

  3. #3

    I don't think there should be a problem with it (barring really trivial matters...)

    If you did a lot of work and still came up with the wrong answer, then that is all the more reason to accept being corrected, because at that point you are overly self reliant in your own abilities - you begin to think that you MUST be right if you've worked this hard on it. Being corrected then may become an offense - but it shouldn't be, because that's probably when you need to be corrected the most (and really shouldn't have escaped correction for that long in the first place)
    teddy564339 and dalsgaard thanked this post.

  4. #4

    Quote Originally Posted by sprinkles View Post
    I don't think there should be a problem with it (barring really trivial matters...)

    If you did a lot of work and still came up with the wrong answer, then that is all the more reason to accept being corrected, because at that point you are overly self reliant in your own abilities - you begin to think that you MUST be right if you've worked this hard on it. Being corrected then may become an offense - but it shouldn't be, because that's probably when you need to be corrected the most (and really shouldn't have escaped correction for that long in the first place)

    Your post made me think of something interesting that I think also complicates the situation.


    I think we've been assuming that in every one of these cases, the person who's doing the correcting is the one that's actually right. This is not always going to be the case.

    There are times when you're actually the one that's right about something, and someone else tries to correct you on it. In these situations it's actually better for you to stick with what you've got.


    So every time one of these situations pops up, this has to be determined...who's actually right. And a lot of times this is where the disagreement comes in...figuring out who is actually right. It can't always be done in that exact situation. Really, what would have to happen is both people would have to agree to do some more research on the topic, and both would have to agree that one of them is going to have to change their mind based on the research.

    But this isn't always an option.

    In addition, some topics don't involve actual facts, but rather opinions that can change based on the specifics of a situation. There are some things when there really isn't one "right" choice, and sometimes someone tries to "correct" the other person because they believe their own choice is the right one for everyone.



    I understand that these situations are the not the ones the OP was referring to. However, it's not always easy to distinguish all of these different situations, and sometimes that can make a person more hesitant to accept correction.
    sprinkles thanked this post.

  5. #5

    @teddy564339

    A correction that isn't correct is more like an incorrection. If you don't know who is correct, then it is a debate. XD

  6. #6

    Quote Originally Posted by sprinkles View Post
    @teddy564339

    A correction that isn't correct is more like an incorrection. If you don't know who is correct, then it is a debate. XD

    Using those definitions, in my experience, true "correction" situations are pretty rare...at least happening at one time. It seems pretty rare for someone to totally, 100% know that they were wrong about something and just refuse to accept it.

    Very often someone might be 80% sure they're wrong, but still might believe they could be right. Or, they may initially believe they're right when the topic comes up, but after spending a lot of time researching it or thinking about, may change their mind and believe they were originally wrong.


    Personal pride can be a barrier for the reasons I mentioned in my first post, but I think if someone knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were wrong, they're very likely to just admit it. They know that there's no point in trying to fake it because it's so apparent.


    Most of the time I don't think someone believes 100% that they are wrong though. So it turns into what you're referring to as a "debate".


    This is just based on my own experience, though.
    sprinkles thanked this post.

  7. #7

    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    Using those definitions, in my experience, true "correction" situations are pretty rare...at least happening at one time. It seems pretty rare for someone to totally, 100% know that they were wrong about something and just refuse to accept it.

    Very often someone might be 80% sure they're wrong, but still might believe they could be right. Or, they may initially believe they're right when the topic comes up, but after spending a lot of time researching it or thinking about, may change their mind and believe they were originally wrong.


    Personal pride can be a barrier for the reasons I mentioned in my first post, but I think if someone knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were wrong, they're very likely to just admit it. They know that there's no point in trying to fake it because it's so apparent.


    Most of the time I don't think someone believes 100% that they are wrong though. So it turns into what you're referring to as a "debate".


    This is just based on my own experience, though.
    Seems accurate to me :D

  8. #8

    Quote Originally Posted by NotSoRighteousRob View Post
    Now correct me if I'm wrong...
    Hah.

    I can often be a little dense at times, in fact at one point I'm fairly certain me correcting my girlfriend when she would be wrong cost me that relationship. Yet it is not as if I would gloatingly rub her nose in the mistake and pride myself on some form of superiority. I naturally assumed people who had a mistaken belief about something would want to know accurate information.
    I can relate to this. There are a lot of people out there who probably hate me, because I haven't learned to keep my mouth shut under circumstances like this.

    But this is hardly the case is it? I at times have difficulty accepting evidence that may disprove certain beliefs. I will spend days searching for counter-evidence in order to disprove what I've learned. However I do not just dismiss it nor do I dislike the fact that I learned what was actually true.

    I think of the term "Know it all" and while I do not claim to know it all, quite the contrary I feel as if my knowledge is woefully inadequate, I get the impression this is what people think when they are corrected.
    Sometimes, it could just be that you're interrupting their chain-of-thought, which can be a bit irritating. Sometimes people interrupt your line of thought to make asinine and banal corrections, even though said corrections don't alter your premise. If I'm about to tell a story about how a, b and c leads to d - then I honestly don't care about the x that I happened to mention to illustrate my point.

    So... Am I wrong? And even if I am will you be able to convince me?
    You're not wrong. People on the whole dislike being corrected. It makes them feel less informed, and may force them to reconsider areas of their lives, which requires energy and causes discomfort. Personally; I'm absolutely OK with being corrected, as long as it's something that's important as it relates to the big picture. For instance, if I can't prove the Pythagorean theorem, then I'm happy to hear people tell me that I forgot to square one of the numbers, but I get frustrated when people interrupt my chain of thought to inform me that the way I write '+' is inefficient. There's a time and place for everything.
    sprinkles and teddy564339 thanked this post.

  9. #9

    Quote Originally Posted by teddy564339 View Post
    There are times when you're actually the one that's right about something, and someone else tries to correct you on it.
    I hate this intensely. Especially when the other person is actually able to convince you that they're right, and then you find out later that you were actually right to begin with. When you find out that you were right all along, a lot of time has passed - so it's not really prudent or conducive to bring up the argument again. Yet I always want to throw away everything I have in my hands, hunt the sucker down, and tell him whats what. :)

    As INTJ; we're prone to arrogance and being too confident. For my part; I really hate having my mind changed by someone who has no idea what he/she is talking about. Therefore I always defend my ideas to the bitter end, to make sure that they truly stand up to the test. This is what makes me seem really rigid and cold to most people. dalsgaard - the rigid rock of stubbornness.
    Grish and teddy564339 thanked this post.

  10. #10

    Quote Originally Posted by dalsgaard View Post
    Sometimes, it could just be that you're interrupting their chain-of-thought, which can be a bit irritating. Sometimes people interrupt your line of thought to make asinine and banal corrections, even though said corrections don't alter your premise. If I'm about to tell a story about how a, b and c leads to d - then I honestly don't care about the x that I happened to mention to illustrate my point.


    You're not wrong. People on the whole dislike being corrected. It makes them feel less informed, and may force them to reconsider areas of their lives, which requires energy and causes discomfort. Personally; I'm absolutely OK with being corrected, as long as it's something that's important as it relates to the big picture. For instance, if I can't prove the Pythagorean theorem, then I'm happy to hear people tell me that I forgot to square one of the numbers, but I get frustrated when people interrupt my chain of thought to inform me that the way I write '+' is inefficient. There's a time and place for everything.
    This is extremely fascinating in regards to the MBTI, because it shows how Si and Ni are so different. You don't mind being corrected on "big picture" matters, but you hate having details being corrected because you think they are insignificant. To an Si user, since the details in the step by step process are vitally important to us, I think we would rather those little pieces be corrected. We'd rather get all of our information straight along the way so that we can solidly stick with our final result forever.

    (Part of this is also a Te vs. Ti matter, as I recently learned).


    I've also noticed that INTJs can't stand being "corrected" in more interpersonal or social matters, because in their minds they are the only ones who have the right to determine what's "right or wrong" in those situations, due to Fi. This is why they often have such a huge problem with Fe users.



    So that further complicates the question brought up in the OP. Some could argue the only situations that can even be "corrected" are ones that fall into the logical "Thinker" realm. But in real life, is this the way that it always goes? Are the only arguments that occur strictly logical ones? Are people not corrected in social situations?

    Even if there isn't a universal right or wrong solution to every situation, isn't it possible to still make right or wrong choices? Can't a person learn from a social situation? Can't someone go back and admit that they made the wrong choice or made a mistake in a social situation, even if it can't be logically proven?

    Maybe others are different than me, but this is certainly true for me. I know that I've personally felt wrong about a social choice, even if it can't be objectively proven to be always wrong. It may have been wrong based on who the people were and how my actions made them feel. Emotions of others can still impact choices, and can even impact what's logically right.



    I know I'm bringing in a lot of MBTI stuff into a topic that wasn't meant to focus on that, but I still think it's relevant. Naturally I think different types are going to have bigger problems being corrected about different things.
    sprinkles thanked this post.


 

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