Not a hard time understanding people, but a hard time connecting with people?!

I've always thought the concept of connecting may lead/refer to any form of verbal or non-verbal understanding. This made me feel like an active, equal human being, as if I'm a participant of this "rat race" as well.

But lately, it seems 'connecting' is all about an emotional bond. And that's where I get clueless, trying to analyze my relationships with people - realizing I am not close to people most of the time... Realizing I do not even trust most people... Realizing I can become quite distant and detached in an almost destructive way (detachedness may go hand in hand with fear/distrust/contempt/etc.)

While on the other hand, I am capable of 'sensing people's essence'... :O
Which feels like a sort of -human connection- too (as in, _a_ connection between two humans -- something, an understanding perhaps, coming together)! Yet I, personally, remain untouched.

So I've been wondering whether this is a possible type thing or just a human thing in general, because it somewhat troubles my self image.

It seems I am perfectly capable of analyzing interactional patterns and how things work about and come and go but I have a harder time feeling my way through it without being an observer.

I feel very joyful when I can finally "connect" to someone as many people say. I relate this to intimacy. It is rare. It feels real - to me. It's not an illusion and this amazes me.
[I mostly only realize my emotional connection to a person once there's an ending and beginning of some sorts. Otherwise, I seem ignorant/oblivious/personally distant in some way or another.]

I wonder about this word and its connotations, meanings, and so forth.

What is connecting to you?

Don't be shy to involve "random" acquintances, friendships, romantic / sexual relationships, family relations, work relations, ... in case it is relevant to the topic!

I don't know if I can articulate my experience of this properly first go, so I may come back... but here goes

I must say that I can relate almost wholly to the experience you describe here.

I don't know whether it is due to not coming across many people I can attach to intimately (although like you, this rarity makes it even more valuable and sacred) or it is more internal and has more to do with my attachment style, but I don't seem to be able to connect with people. Infact, most of the time, I believe I fight attachment.

I do care about people in general and prefer to be around others, but that said, people still remain hollow vessels to me, until we 'bond' in some way or another. I just don't adjoin easily to anything and I don't integrate many things into my identity. Others seem to do it really quickly, I can't.

Connection for me, doesn't seem to be dependent on 'time', considering I never really felt connected with my parents, and it hasn't grown as time as passed. Although, I think time may be one part of it in regards to some people (because I tend to open up slowly) and not with others (sometimes I experience an immediate connection- and as an added remark, usually that first connection is what guides my judgement later on. Sometimes an immediate connection continues to burn later on, other times it doesn't).

When I feel connected with someone else and them to me (rare) it usually means a stable attachment and that I feel somewhat safe. It means I take down my shield (defensive mechanism/ego?) and I accept the possibility of vulnerability; of being wrong, hurt or used. It means I sacrifice my independence a little (that's probably the hardest thing for me). And to paraphrase you, it means I become 'involved' instead of a detached observer. There has to be some kind of adjacent vibe coming back of them too; in the sense that it has to seem like they are connected to me too (although perhaps not in all instances). Their persona has to be somewhat aligned with mine too.

I like what you said about connection feeling 'real'. I can appreciate this sentiment, as I think I know what experience you are describing. That 'realness' is something you can actually feel (as opposed to not feeling a connection). And it's great