What are you thinking about right now?

Originally Posted by Axe

I remember using Illustrator in school a few years ago. I learned how to use it in like... 5 minutes

Yeah same. The professor was so surprised I figured it out, as was most of the class. :)

I think I'm addicted to thanks. PerC has ruined me for other forums. All I can do is lurk, even on sites I've been a member of longer than here.

Originally Posted by Zombie Jesus

I think I'm addicted to thanks. PerC has ruined me for other forums. All I can do is lurk, even on sites I've been a member of longer than here.

I'm oddly ambivalent about thanks. I do like it when people enjoy the things I post, but I also feel like I don't deserve them, and, therefore, I shouldn't be thanked. It doesn't help that I have such an absurd number of them - *sigh* why can't I just feel happy about it?

Originally Posted by heartturnedtoporcelain

I'm oddly ambivalent about thanks. I do like it when people enjoy the things I post, but I also feel like I don't deserve them, and, therefore, I shouldn't be thanked. It doesn't help that I have such an absurd number of them - *sigh* why can't I just feel happy about it?

Sorry, I just added to your pain.

Originally Posted by Zombie Jesus

Sorry, I just added to your pain.

nah, it's ok. I just have odd/unexpected reactions to things.

I'm thinking I need to take a big break from PerC again. I cyclically develop dependencies on this place. I'm losing sight of what I am, what I stand for, and what makes my life worth living. The entertainment and random knowledge factor of this site seems to be just enough that I stop constructively thinking after a while.

I know it sounds absurd, but small things like this can throw me for quite a loop. I need to get back to reality.

See ya...next week?

bye

I just thanked a whole mess of @Zombie Jesus' posts.

I'm thinking about the bills. I'm supposed to start paying my student loan this month (again) and I'm not eligible to defer, but I have to start paying off my education in other places at the same time (I owe some money directly to the school, too) and my monthly bills were already kind of high compared to my income. I have some more things I could cut out I guess, but I kind of use them all the time.

/venting

I'll be fine. The budget balances. It's just a lot of new stuff at once.

I just got my ass handed to me by a workout and I am thinking I can't even think.

Also, thinking of poor @Belua and her vodka-drenched, loud and absurd Russian Thanksgiving this year
And that I should probably start apologizing for it already

Frustrated with all this MBTI stuff. Am I an F type? I frequently call people out when they are wrong, abruptly saying "No, actually..." without really trying to be kind about it, because being kind about it takes time and effort, and I am worn thin by this effort to protect others' feelings. However, recognizing this makes me feel that I should try harder to consider other peoples' feelings, because while I am keenly aware of them at all times, I don't do my best to honor them. I am a nice guy in almost every sense of the word, but sometimes I do let go of this niceness and correct people or jokingly disrespect them, covering the meanness up with a smile perhaps, or a "just kidding." But I am growing so weary of this politeness! Politeness is easy and feels great in most respects of the word, but the niceties that must be placed within debates and jokes in order to not seem like an insensitive, or mean person are so fickle and frustrating.

It makes me want to cast away all of this MBTI nonsense with its classifications and measurements. I am sick of constantly confining myself to these boxes, and feeling guilty when I don't embrace one aspect or another (usually regarding feeling/thinking). I know it is not the MBTI's fault, for the fault lies only within my hands. It is my perception that deems all of this measurement as a "boxing in" of sorts. It is my own fear of failure and of harming others that causes me to feel guilt when I do not live up to whatever expectation I have set for myself. It is me, and only me. And it is me who must change all this by... shutting the fuck up. But I can't. I must think. I am always going, I can't stop. The thoughts come and they come and there's no stopping them. And so I am overwhelmed by this torrent of information and signals that tell me what to do and how to be and what to pay attention to. And sometimes... oh, sometimes it wears me down. Yes, sometimes it sure wears me down... If only I could take a break from my mind for a moment. But no, I need to think. I need to figure all these things out. I need to understand, to consider, to contemplate, to judge and to act on my intuitions. I am a thinker, a feeler, a judger, a perceiver, and a stone-cold introvert. And there's no fucking changing it. And god damn it, I am completely okay with that... I think. Or at least, I will be eventually.



RANDOM PARTLY-FICTIONAL RANT, yay.

I want to marry one of my coworkers. I have such a ridiculous schoolgirl crush on him, but also I just think he's a really fantastic guy.