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I hurt someone. Fully my fault. I've apologised already and will probably apologise some more later on. However, this person has made an (entirely reasonable) assumption about why I did what I did... naturally, I'd like to correct that assumption. I'd like them to realise that I wasn't ignoring them in order to make a statement, I was just paralysed because I don't ever know what I want.

Only I feel like the apology is worthless if it's followed up by a stupid, whiny excuse like that. ...

in terms of being a time-sucking demon, at least.
Oh Wikipedia, what do you do with all the time that you suck from my life? Where does it go? I suppose you have a number of informative articles on the topic...
...
Touché, Wikipedia. Touché.

Then I found it in my room later on and it was like getting a present. Thanks Van of the past! You're awesome! I know you're practically wedded to Cadbury Black Forest chocolate, but I must commend your foresight in purchasing the similar, yet far superior Whittaker's Berry and Biscuit instead.
Sorry Cadbury, but I don't love you any more. Whittaker's is all I need.

I have something to discuss with you. You're very hot and you know I like that, but this morning in the shower you started to go frigid. This has happened a couple of times before and being the understanding person that I am, I waited patiently for you to warm back up. It was then that you suddenly burned me.
I can see now that you were probably sharing yourself with one of my flatmates in the kitchen, but I want you to know how surprising and hurtful it was all the same.