teddy564339

I'm really not sure what to make about the whole gender role issue, because the whole thing just confuses me.

I think it's because like most people, I've always felt kind of a mix about how "hard" and how "soft" I feel like I am and want to be.

On one hand, I'm very naturally a "soft" person. I'm nice, quiet, patient and shy. I'm nerdy and overall un-athletic. I'm 5 feet nine inches and weigh 140 pounds. I'm 27.

And for the most part, I just like being me and being accepted for that.

On the other hand...it just feels good a lot of times to feel "cool" or to feel like a badass. I don't like the feeling of being a wussy, or someone who can't take things. I like feeling "like a guy". And when it's the right group of guys, if feels good to be around them and to enjoy them.

I also am a huge sports fan, even though this isn't necessarily a "guy" thing. In fact, in my case, it's like a geeky thing. I really view sports almost like I view video games or movies...it's just like get involved in the story of it.


So I don't know what to make of it...most of the time I don't think about it, I just end up being me. But sometimes I feel like I act tougher than I am just for acceptance.

I think it's because I feel like for the rest of my life, I know that if I'm going to be able to feel comfortable around people I like, I'm not going to be able to completely show the soft side of me. It just starts getting irritating. So I'm pretty happy with my balance, even though sometimes I hate how I can't completely be myself around most people. But that also connects to my introversion, so I'm fine with that.



And that relates to my whole stuffed animal thing. I think part of the reason why I put it out there on PerC, making it my username and avatar, is that I don't tell most people in my real life.

I know that I shouldn't care about what people think, but I can't help it. The few friends who know don't care, and I don't think most people would. But I just hate the notion of being looked at as silly or different. I've gotten better about this in general, but it's still tough.

And I hate it because it's totally a gender thing.

Now in all fairness, I know that a lot of females my age don't sleep with or have any stuffed animals. I also know that the ones who do can still get teased about it, and it's a big turn off to a lot of guys.

Still, generally in American society at least, it seems like girls can get away with it way more than guys can. Even at around age 10 or so, girls having stuffed animals is the norm, and for boys, it's something they should have "grown out of" by then.

Even in teenage years, girls can have them all over their room and have it not be that weird, but if a guy does, it immediately is a red flag for him being "feminine".

Of course, I could go on forever about the whole gender role thing, and how generally, a girl acting like a boy is more socially acceptable than a boy acting like a girl. So of course that's the biggest part of it.


But it's still irritating sometimes. But thankfully, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. So I will keep on sleeping with my teddy until I see a good reason not to.