silk15

Out of all my personality traits, this is the one that I find is the most misunderstood. Extroverts just seriously don’t get it (not all but a lot). I think some do try to understand but we just think so differently that it’s hard for them to.

They think introvert means shy but that isn’t true. Introverts can be the life of the party, excellent public speakers and generally love socializing. We just get tired from it and need to rest by having time alone. They think we don’t like people. I love people. They think we don’t like spending time with people. I love spending time with people. I just like spending time alone.

Those are the two keys things I think: introverts both like and need time alone. This comes from the fact that introverts and extroverts think differently, value different things, get enjoyment from different things and get their energy from different things.

We can’t control these things, just as I can’t control whether I like blue or don’t like red; I just do. Just as I can’t control whether I value being on time and someone else can’t control whether they don’t value being on time. Some people care about organization, some don’t. Some people enjoy reading, some don’t. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things, they’re just differences we all have.

There are a number of ways to think about the differences between introverts and extroverts. I’ve generalized it but here are my distinctions:

Preference
You can think of it in terms of preference. I like spending time with people and alone but I prefer time alone. It’s like writing and drawing. I like doing both, they’re both hobbies of mine but I prefer to write. Extroverts given the choice prefer to spend time with people. Extroverts can get offended that we prefer to spend time alone than spend time with them because they prefer to spend time with us. But it’s not that we don’t like you, we just prefer time alone to time with people.

Energy
You can think of it in terms of energy. Some people love exercising and they will do it every day but they can’t do it 24 hours a day because they would get too tired so they rest. I love spending time with people but after a while it emotionally tires me out. On the other hand, I can spend day after day alone and not get emotionally tired because time alone is my version of rest. Some extroverts get offended at the idea that people tire us out because for them people energize them. But it’s not your fault, it’s just the way we’re wired so don’t take it personally.
Or you can think of it like an electric drill that needs recharging. Even extroverts need time alone to recharge but an introvert needs more time than the extrovert. For me, I’m like a writer who said they were like an electric drill that needed two hours of recharging for ten minutes of use.

World
You can think of it terms of the world introverts live in. We live in the internal world of thoughts, reflection and ideas which requires time alone to think. Extroverts live in the external world of action whereas introverts live in their own minds.

Entertainment
You can think of it in terms of entertainment. An extrovert needs outside stimulus to be entertained. Left alone and they start getting bored, they need things to entertain them whereas an introvert can entertain themselves. My mind is all the entertainment I need. I can sit for hours doing nothing but thinking and I’m having the best time.

I think it’s much easier for an introvert to understand extroverts because extrovertism is an outward quality that you can see and we live in an extrovert world. Extrovertism is rewarded and accepted but introvertism is seen as strange and inferior. Extroverts try to ‘fix’ us. They tell us to talk more, be louder and go out more.
It would be hard for extroverts to live in an introvert world. After a while they’d be so bored, lacking energy and enjoyment. I imagine introverts would try to ‘fix’ extroverts telling them to stop being so restless and be at peace with silence and their own company. (I’m sure this must happen in some introvert households where there is one extrovert family member and that person must feel really misunderstood.) In the extrovert world, after a while introverts get really tired, drained and lack enjoyment. This is the real world so introverts don’t try to fix extroverts but extroverts try to fix introverts because culturally extrovertism is the way life is.

It’s not that one is the right or wrong way of doing things. There’s nothing wrong with introverts or extroverts and there’s nothing wrong with an extrovert or introvert word. It’s just the way things are. But it does mean one group isn’t well understood.