Letter to the Ex
by, 05-06-2012 at 05:58 AM (159 Views)
Dear Pain in the Neck
Iím writing this as a way of letting out what Iím feeling, as a way of healing from what happened between us. I know Iíll never get answers from you as to why you did what you did, but hopefully getting this down will help me let go of everything and move forward.
I wish none of this had happened. By rights it should be the three of us Ė you, me and Dylan spending our lives together. You ruined it though and left me broken and betrayed. The three of us were split up when Dylan left me for a new home. Thereís no going back now, even though I sorely want it to happen. Where we used to live together will always be the city of heartbreak and betrayal for me, the place I was broken and destroyed. I could never return there because of you.
All my dreams were torn apart when we found out what youíd done. What you thought you could get away with doing. You were wrong, we DID find out. I donít understand what happened. I donít think I ever will. How you thought weíd not find out we donít know, even less understand.
You didnít ever ask how Dylan was after we split up, nor did you contact me at all for two months, not even to tell me it was over. You left the dirty work to me, my mum and stepdad. You left me broken, not wanting to survive it. Sometimes I think I still donít, particularly after Dylan left. I miss both you and Dylan, but Dylanís gone forever and without Dylan I couldnít go back to you. Nor do I feel I could ever trust you again. It would take too much out of me every time I saw you walking out of the door if I gave you another chance.
Your betrayal sent me into a downward spiral that I didnít feel I could survive. Dylan was the one thing that helped me start to drag myself back to being OK again but we had to give him away to a new home. This made me go back into a downward spiral and Iím only just beginning to move forwards even though itís very hard and some days I just want to give up. I just want to go into a fantasy world and never come out of it. I canít sleep at night because thoughts of you and Dylan cloud my mind. Thoughts of our lives together if youíd only understood what youíd got; thoughts of our lives together if Iíd have been a mind reader and been able to heal whatever was wrong between us.
What did I have to do to fully gain your love and acceptance? What caused you to betray my trust? I wish youíd have discussed it with me and we could have worked together to ensure our relationship survived the storm. Itís too late now; things have changed and youíre gone forever. All I can do is keep trying to survive the inner turmoil. I hope I find peace and find someone whoíll accept me for who I am instead of pretending to be keen then betraying me.
I wish you well in your life. All the best.