rejectedreality

Thursday
8/16/12

5:15 AM
I thought that a 15 minute power nap would do the trick at this time. I ended up waking up so disoriented. I could barely distinguish reality with whatever I was dreaming about. yay! Dreams. Therefore REM sleep, the purpose of all of this. Even though, the dream was crazy weird and I didn't even really remember a lot of it until I was driving to work. I do remember waking up around 5:45 and didn't even know where I was. I could tell I was in my living room, but I remember other people from my dream were in the living room with me (they really weren't). I've had the opposite happen before, where I would dream something very realistic to where it didn't feel like a dream, and later wonder if it really happened or not. I've never had it happen the other way around, where I was fully awake but look around and see my dream there in reality. It was so weird I went back to bed. I'm not upset with myself for sleeping 2 hours before work, since I really had a 30 minute nap due at 7 for one, and two, I had missed two naps. I'm happy with my leap in progress I've made here.

1:22 PM
Around 12 I started feeling more alert. Today and yesterday, I have been extra cold and sneezing a lot. It doesn't feel like a typical sickness type of thing. I feel fine in that regard. Just have been cold and sneezy and nothing more. Right now I'm tired and have been yawning a lot and walking slow. My reflexes and motor control are normal but every now and then I have a brain gap that leaves me amazed. My gait is slow and heavy. Last night after my 2AM nap, I snacked on some soy beans and since I bought soybeans in the pods, I had to use a little trash bag to throw the empty pods in. I couldn't get that damn trash bag open after tinkering with it five minutes it seemed. I had to set it down and come back to it. But shortly after that, I was in the kitchen, digging thru the top cabinet for something and a lighter fell out. I caught it in mid air, all smooth and fast without a second thought. So Perhaps my problem solving skills (opening the trash bag) are taking a hit while my reflexes are the same (or unusually better in the one particular incident). I'll monitor this more closely going forward.

2 PM
This napping in my car situation isn't working. I might switch my lunch break to 1 o'clock afterall to see if that helps. I turned on my car and kind of fell in and out of sleep, but total sleep time lasted only around 5 minutes. I started feeling sharp pains in my arms and legs (unrelated nerve issues) but this time they were more sudden and painful. It felt like electric shocks, and for some strange reason, my car cut off. I would crank it again and it cut off again, and then again. So I roll the windows down and try sleep again but some giant, scary-ass bug flew into the car and loudly buzzed around before it's stupid self managed to find it's way out. So much for my nap.

5:06 PM
Today has been another one of those days. The Carmax thing isn't over so I have to go there again afterwork and throw another nap schedule out of wack. At this moment, it's not like I even feel all that sleepy. However, there is this thick fog in my head and I'm definatley going into zombie mode. I can't even think a complete thought without hurting my brain it seems.

I had some optimism that I got over my 2am hump this morning, so the thought of successfully waking after 30 minutes during that time isn't so intimidating anymore. Since it's never been a habit to fall asleep in front of the tv, I can now use it to my advantage. For my 2am and 7am nap, I can turn on the tv, fall asleep, and when I wake up I will see the tv on, which is unusuall for me and my brain. Since it's not normal, my sleepy state of consciousness should quickly realize what is happening and this will help me get up. It worked at 2am this morning. I just hope I can keep it up and now that i'll be missing another nap later on, I'm not sure my 7am results will be any better than they were yesterday (my mini nap at 5 turned into a mega nap). It's just one more wall to break through and I'll think I'm much more confident and on the right track the way it should be.

8PM
I manged to make it home earlier than I thought and went ahead and took a nap. I don't remember dreaming and only slept for 17 minutes. I went to bed with a slight headache but woke up with it feeling worse. It's 10:30 now and I still feel it although I took some medicine an hour ago. I'm incredibly grouchy and temperamental right now, have been all day. Par of me is screaming sleep, yet, I had a difficult time doing so. I feel slightly nauseous and have some sinus pressure going on. I am doubting the headache and sinus issue is brought on solely by lack of sleep because I barely drank any water today and smoked more than usual and just am dehydrated. Common sense, to me, says if you stay up longer you should probably up your water intake. So I shall.

Today has been the worst for extreme fatigue obviously. I haven't noticed a change in any motor skills or coordination. I've been driving without a single issue, no nodding off and scaring the shit out myself on the ride, no swerving. Dissociation was prevalent all day which is kind of fun to me. Like I'm on some cool drug that makes me not give a shit about stuff. The cynical side of my Fi gets to come forward and it is happy about it, like the excitement of a dog jumping out of it's bath after a good washing. I have yet to become punch drunk though. I already view the world weirdly (I can go into that another time but probably won't) and it makes me weird to others, but in the dissociative state of mind I like it more. When dissociative in the punch drunk happy state, I'm weird but less jaded weird and more happy go lucky and funny weird. "You're out there but I like it" is something I'll get a lot.

Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about. Sorry about the Fi ramble.