Ramblings and Visualizations of an INfJ
From Thinking to Feeling or Viceversa
by, 12-04-2009 at 11:21 AM (776 Views)
Has it ever happened to you? Have you believed you were one type and then find yourself being another?
Back in highschool I didn't knew much about Psychology, I hardly ever thought about it. Yet I did thought about things that had to do with Pscyhology without ever making the connection. I did not know anything of the existence of Jung theories and the 16 types.
Back then I was an Introvert as I have for all my life. Those shy tendencies, hanging out with no more than one or two friends at a time.
I was an iNtuitive, making instantaneous reasoning and connections, and the whole curious, freethinking part of my personality permeates time back to my childhood.
As for Judging, having preference for structures and patterns has been a constant as well. Organizing was a tendency I had, althogh it became conscious for me since high school. Conscious planning and anticipating were tactics I used since childhood as well.
Then there was this sensitive side of me. When it came to friends I would hold them very high in esteem and were 'all I had'. Honor, Courage, and Duty were immensely appealing to me. The slightest rejection was hard on me. I seemed to always see things trough a slight mist that would make me feel like I formed part of another world. Connections with friends never quite were the satisfaction I expected. I felt alone in a school full of people, even with the few friends I knew I had.
I entered college and by coincidence met a guy in the flats were I lived for one year that was similar too me in ways I had never quite seen. Our intellectual side was compatible and we soon started having long conversations at night about what we have read and perceived the world to be. I discovered my intellectual prowess and came to give it its due credit.
A stage of debate, psychology, self-discovery and self-growth began. Back then, I typed as an INTJ. I was proud of it, I was arrogant about my new found strengths. I did and acted upon Reason and Logic, not doing what I Felt like doing but doing what I Had to. I understood my past convictions about Duty as the Rational way. To do what I must and leave behind all kind of weaknesses, such as feelings.
About a year ago certain things happened that made me question much of what I had built in those 3 years of college. Now in the beginning of my 4th year one more transition has taken place and unlike past transitions this one involves, not only changing or adapting some of my notions, but my behavior and ultimately my major as well. From Industrial Engineering now I want to study what I have liked and discussed for all the time since I entered college, Psychology.
The part of this 'transition' that I want to focus on, though, is one of some kind of regression. But is it just a regression or the coming to confront something that I put away by force? In this last months I have re-lived an experienced the mist of feelings that enshrouded me more than 4 years ago. I have noticed my sensitive feelings and have identified those little traces of things that never went away that link me with that past.
I decided to take the test (after years of consistently typing as INTJ). I took a long time to answering, careful to consider my changes in behavior to answer each question. I was as honest and precise as I could. The result was that of my expectation. It seems I am now a Protector, an INFJ. Consistent with life long tendencies, as opposed to the 3 year period where restriction and repression were the way I followed as the path of Reason.
Whether this are all stages, I am still pondering about. Whether my tendencies are NT or NF, I'm inclined to believe that they are NF since it seems to me to be more consistent with my life as a whole.