Diary Entry Number 11
by, 07-02-2012 at 08:23 PM (145 Views)
So, I've noticed that lately I've been really wound up on the inside. Almost like a spring that's tightly coiled. I'm not sure what it is, but I'm just rather stressed out/pissed off right now. Deeply inside, though. I just feel kind of blah, and that I'm never going to get out of this financial hole that I'm in. I'm putting in applications at different places, and such, but it seems as though I'll be in some sort of a low paying dead-end job forever.
The thing is that I know that I'm better and smarter than this. I'm better than a freaking minimum wage job where I have to put up with shit constantly, and where I get taken for granted by the boss and such.
I feel like all I do is get on here and complain in this blog, and really don't get anything done about it. I hate it when people do that, complain and complain, and don't do a damned thing to fix it. I am trying fix it though...it's not as if I'm just being lazy or what not. There seem to be no jobs around...or, when there are, they take one look at my work history (10 years customer service in food service related fields) and think that I can't do anything else but food service. It's really ridiculous, though.
Ah well, methinks I'm going to do a tarot reading sometime soon, and perhaps get back into the spiritual side of things. I feel as though my spiritual side has been tamped down forcibly by myself, because I was convincing myself to kill it off, that I didn't need it. This may be one of the reasons why I feel so tightly wound up. At least when I was being spiritual/religious, there was a comforting sense that perhaps there was something beyond my own little world that I could maybe partition to help. Things seemed to go better in my life as well...or I could've just been deluding myself.I feel like I'm deluding myself now though to keep my "agnostic/atheistic" viewpoint that I have. It doesn't feel true to what I feel deep in my core.
Blah. I don't know what to think/feel/whatever...and I've noticed I'm beginning to feel numb with everything.