Timing, self-awareness and boys
by, 01-08-2012 at 02:37 AM (234 Views)
a post about a boy, Timing, and self awareness.
As explained in my last blog post "home sweet home". There is a boy I like, We have quite a bit in common, both exploring similar ideas in our Christian spiritual journeys. I have met his family, and they are lovely, more comfortable every time I meet them. He makes me ridiculously happy and comfortable.
Right now in my life I am at a complete stage of uncertainty, I just finished my course, I am unemployed (looking for work) and Am 90 hours driving time away from having my driving licence. Last time I was in a similar state of unknown I was in a relationship and life changed and it ended badly. I compromised a bit too much and ended up feeling very unhappy, with lower self-esteem. Took me ages to get where I am at right now.
Now the moment it all comes together, Today I went to church with afore mentioned young man and his community was lovely - some of them remembered my name when they had only met me once before (last week) at a BBQ. It was a church that does some of the creative faith arts stuff I have been exploring lately, So not only was it a learning experience but it was good communication time.
During the day I came to the conclusion that I really like this guy and It is not worthwhile saying anything till I would be in a position to see him more often- So I can drive, equal effort- meet halfway. His church you can only drive to from where I live so I couldn't start going there untill later, and I am not sure I can so easily walk away from the community I have grown up in (when I can easily get there every week). the last 3 times I have seen him, he and I were both on holidays, We both had lots of time on our hands, and were feeling relaxed and comfortable.
If he is really the right guy for me in 6 - 8 months time when my work life is together, I have the freedom to go where I want, and have less uncertainty in my life - I will admit to him that I like him (If I still do- by than I will know him better). I need to continue the journey alone. With lots of friends that mean the world to me, I have all the love and support I need- And being 20 I have plenty of time.
In Summary I am happy with where I am at right now, I don't need to start anything new, I wouldn't want to ruin the friendship or possible future relationship by saying anything before I am ready for a relationship anyway.