midnightstar

Dear Dylan

I know you’ll probably never forgive me for promising you a forever home and then betraying you, in fact I’m not looking for your forgiveness because I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you. What I did was on a par with what ex did. I left you an anxious snugglebug in a new home. I could see by your face you couldn’t understand what happened. I’ve got to live with the memory of when I walked away for the rest of my life. I left you alone in a strange environment, without me to care for you. I wish I could rewind back to when ex and I were together.

I know I’ve got to let you go emotionally, but it’s very hard not knowing whether you’re alive or dead. Do you remember all the times we shared? The times you made me laugh by trying to stalk random garden objects? The times you tried making friends with the brambles at the end of the garden and ended up with a scratched face? The time you tried playing with a wasp in the garden then it decided to chase me when I tried driving it away from you? I wish we could go back to those times. You saved my life one day when I’d had enough after the breakup. Your face at the window was the one thing that stopped me in my tracks. If it wasn’t for you snugglebug I wouldn’t be here now.

I remember back when we lived with the ex we thought we had everything. The whole world was at our feet. We were making fantastic plans for the future, like having children and adopting you a friend from the rescue I adopted you from. Now there’s nothing left but memories. Nothing left but the fact I walked away and we’re no longer together. The fact I deserve to suffer a lot more for what happened. I just wish I could take you back home to the city of heartache where the ex and I lived together; where we could spend the rest of our lives together.

I just wish I could take all your confusion about what happened away. Remove all your sadness and replace it with love and happiness. Give you the biggest snuggles I can because you deserve them. Have your cute adorable little face showering me with kitty kisses again like we always used to. Hold you once more and treat you like the king of my heart that you were.

All I’ve got now is a cat shaped space in my heart that you left inside me when I gave you away. I hear your cry still like you’re still jumping to the window and crashing into it because you don’t judge the jump properly and your meow as you used to attract my attention telling me you needed in now. Memories of you flood my mind like the rivers flood the sea.

All I can do is try to accept you’re gone. Your new owners will hear your cry as you ask to be let in. Your new owners will get those beautiful affectionate kisses you used to give. They’ll see your gorgeous eyes as you stare at them pleading for them to share their dinner like you always used to try with us. They’ll find if they drop food you’ll be there hovering it up even before the dog can get it.

You’re gone and I’ll never see you again snugglebug. I hope your new owners can offer you what I never could. I wish you well gorgeous boy.

Rescuecatsrule