A Forgotten Landscape
by, 10-14-2011 at 03:10 PM (231 Views)
The things which surround me do not educate me on the forms which rest behind them. Not that these surroundings can't give a sign, but I do not notice signs, signs fizzle away in the midst of emotion. Emotion has captured me, seducing me into a state which I fled from. But no longer can I flee; I am not quick enough and sink faster into them then quicksand. Loss in a sea of sand stranded and isolated is how I feel. Here there is neither form, nor artifact of form, and no evidence that anyone truly lived. But I know the sands hide deep truths beneath its surfaces, for the sands have the tendency of swallowing the past.
Maybe I can escape my past within an Oasis; even a landscape that is desolate and forgotten can produce the appearance of blissfulness where "want" finds its peace. But is escape the answer I truly seek when remembrance of former times quickens new understandings by association and with it the increase of self knowledge? Besides there is no Oasis awaiting me, only mirages will I find? Or perhaps they find me, hypnotizing me with beauty and promises of a life which will never be mine to own the life outside of the window across the fence from me which appears so much brighter? But I know it's as they say, the grass always appears greener on the other side of the fence, but why do I have to fence so much on my own? Why do I have to fight so much, suffer not being known, without the moment or chance to vent? People vent to me, I am their shoulder, their rock, but when my night comes, there is no one to be found. There is no laughter, there is no shoulder, there is no support, and I am left alone again. Who will help me, as I have helped others, in this world where I stay, a world without names -- a landscape of broken dreams? I have broken the dreams, defaced them from their original pattern and have found symmetry in a new pattern of how to live my life, where the Oasis of dreams, can no longer capture me, so I live not for the imaginations of the past, but the imaginations of the possibilities unknown and unapproached, the inaccessible places of the heart – The Gnosis Kardias, which gives rise to the ultimate conquest,