Just Too Much
by, 08-07-2012 at 12:57 AM (206 Views)
I have been wanting to put this into words for a really long time. I know I'm too tired to really do an adequate job; but I just have to get it 'out' so I can put it to rest.
I can't seem to express the depth of 'overwhelm' I feel at least once a week when I consider the sheer magnitude of the earth
and the huge number of people living on it. When I visit PerC and read posts by people whose username is new to me, it triggers this ever-present awareness of the fact that the world is teeming with people. Human beings who feel, struggle, suffer, cry, laugh, love, ache etc. all around the world. I am reading only one minuscule post at a time but it represents the inner-world of one of the billions of humans in existence.
Why do I think about that? What can it possibly do but make me feel small, insignificant, and helpless? I believe in God. I believe He knows each of us, loves each of us, and is involved in each of our lives. Ultimately, He is where I turn when I experience these feelings of 'overwhelm.' But I still have this flickering inside that wants to connect with a few of these other fellow earthlings on a personal level. And I do connect - IRL and here on PerC. But when I start to feel the 'care' for them that always swells when I learn more about a person, then I feel overwhelmed and want to float out into space - far away from any of the 'feelings' and 'needs' and 'messages' I'm picking up.
Is that normal? Is that just introversion? Or is this a problem? I don't know how to classify this reoccurring sensation. I want to understand what it is on a psychological level so I can just file it away. When I feel sadness, I know what it is. When I feel excitement, I know what it is. But saying that I feel 'overwhelmed' and 'connected' and 'concerned' and 'lost' all at once not only doesn't make sense, but these words don't truly explain what I'm experiencing. So I just return again in prayer - God, please bless each one and help me trust that they are in Thy care....and I work to focus on one person, or one task, or one idea at a time. Maybe that's all that can be done. But maybe there is something more to this....