Lacryma

Those eyes

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by
Lacryma
, 05-06-2012 at 01:50 PM (182 Views)
This is a poem I wrote; I hope whoever reads this will enjoy it.
***

The wearyness of eyes;
Eyes that tell you've been through much;
Eyes that see that which you cannot;
Eyes you cannot seem to reach;
Eyes that say more than words;
Those eyes of yours with which you peer in mine.
Those eyes of yours in which I see my own.
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Updated 11-03-2012 at 05:18 PM by Lacryma

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Art

Comments

  1. Karch101's Avatar
    Hi. Thanks for the Poem. for some constructive criticism i would say to pay more attention to the way the words sound also as opposed to just the meaning. The repetition of those eyes was too many i think. I think what this poem needs is some rhythm.
    Lacryma thanked this post.
  2. Lacryma's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by Karch101
    Hi. Thanks for the Poem. for some constructive criticism i would say to pay more attention to the way the words sound also as opposed to just the meaning. The repetition of those eyes was too many i think. I think what this poem needs is some rhythm.
    Thanks for reading, I really appreciate the feedback. I'll keep that in mind and try to make it into something better :). I'll update it as soon as I'm satisfied with the newer version (which might take some time...).
    Updated 05-13-2012 at 10:19 PM by Lacryma
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