KC

Before I get ahead of myself any further, I think I have to open myself for rebuttal from some of you guys, namely @Jawz @seastallion @Vivid Melody @shampoo @Summersault @penguinfrk (sorry for deliberately bringing you into this but some of you really know me in a certain way and I trust your feedback, however harsh it may be). I think I might need to be told off a little in some manner cause I know what I've been going on about is really flimsy in a certain way.

You guys know I value your opinions and I can take mostly anything so feel free to open your floodgates.

M'kay =)

I can't tell you whether or not I think you're falling in L-word. You'll have to do a bit more inward reflection to figure that out. I know it can be difficult being an ENFJ because we feel so strongly for people, even if we don't hold them close to our hearts. And attention is like a drug, because being recognized the way we recognize others delights us on a level that sometimes seems over-the-top. So you'll have to ponder a bit, draw comparisons, and ask yourself the questions you'd ask someone if they had sought you out for counsel on a similar issue.

I'm not sure I believe in signs. I believe in connection, though. I like the reassurance of unexpected relevance. Einstein said, "Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous." So if you were looking for a sign, and you feel comfortable enough to move forward with what you recognize as said sign, then I say you should go for it. Even if you spend your time wondering about L-word, and come to find that you were mistaken, it doesn't hurt to engage in something that has the opportunity to grow.

Every relationship, as I'm sure you know, has potential to go SOMEWHERE. Anywhere. Everywhere. And a good majority of them are worth it. Bit hypocritical of me to urge you towards action, as I myself would probably never choose that route, but you seem to really like her, and I can tell this is something you want. Don't be afraid to test the waters. If she has a boyfriend, that's not a big deal. You won't look foolish for your pursuits. Set those thoughts aside.

Well, there will be a time and place again. There, I will find that whether or not the will of a single man, can change a history of broken agony and promises.

Exactly. Don't look to your pain to learn what joy should feel like. Yes, without pain there would likely be no joy, but negative rumination is not the teacher. Look for possibilities. Use your grief as a measuring stick. You've come "this" far. You've felt "this" low. So what comes next is tolerable within those limits. Assess the situation and move forward at a safe pace.

I'm not sure what you were asking of me (Especially considering your statement about being told off. I don't think you need to be told off at all), and I'm so inexperienced, that I might not have attempted to offer advice save for the fact that you requested =) But I hope I've helped even just a little bit.

If you want something different or more for me, lemme know.

And for the record, I think you're pretty fantastic. I'm sure she'll see it, too, if she hasn't already. You're just kinda... glowy. You've got that ENFJ je ne sais quoi.

I would defer to Summer's assessment of the situation and advice. It's far better than I can ever hope to give.

Don't forget my history with relationships --- I've probably had the most disasterous love affairs in the world ;)

One more thing --- from one guy to another ... Go for it .. make some sort of relationship and take it from there. We're here to help along the way.

Initiate First Contact procedures by just being yourself and ask her to coffee or something in a less intimate environment to start off with. And take it from there.

Let's be honest here. Do you really need us to affirm something we all know you've already made up your mind about? Oh please, nothing we can say will change what you feel for her. And that's the beauty of it--I wish I were in a situation where I could be, even subconsciously as might be the case for you, as sure of myself and where I want things to go.

But, if you wanted to hear it from us: go for it. Have no regrets. You guys are strangers right now, the rock bottom of intimacy, and there's only one way to go: better. You know you're never going to live down the "what ifs;" after all, you took the time to write this wonderful post, and have undoubtedly thought a lot about it.

Good luck!

Who cares if she has a boyfriend? So long as she's not married, she's fair game :P

Maybe she is "the one" maybe she's not. Either way, your one will still be out there for you to find :) So don't be too disappointed if things don't go the way you thought they would. At least you had the courage to go for it :)

sorry for the late reply - it's been over a week since i last posted on PerC - am getting caught up now. :)

it is very natural to be feeling as you are in the early stages of infatuation. i know you know that. :) and i know you said that the feelings this time are more intense than previously, more insistent, more all-consuming. infatuation can be more intense some times than others. i understand your confusion though. infatuation or love can make you obsess over someone. (if you can't get someone out of your mind, that can be infatuation, it can be obsession, or it can be love. or it just could be Ni!! any of the people around me who interest me get 'analyzed-to-death' in my mind - every action, every reaction, every everything. so does anyone who confuses/intrigues me for any reason.)

attraction gives you giddy feelings that disrupt your ability to concentrate (these are chemicals that are pumping through your body that you make you feel the way you do, and your body is programmed to respond this way, especially in the initial stages of attraction). so do not look for a sign from your feelings. feelings are fickle and will change, and certain feelings are a physical response that wears off over time.

what i would say is to give it some time before you label this feeling as "love." there is no question you are attracted to her but to the person feeling it, intense attraction can feel indistinguishable from love. it is more likely to be love if the thought of her is still all-consuming a year from now. it is more likely to be love if you have fallen for who she is and can't stand to live without her even after you are extremely familiar with her flaws (through spending lots of time with her in ordinary life- not just on dates - including time together in less-than-ideal circumstances) and even after you all have had some conflicts. infatuation and attraction tends to idealize a person in our minds. we have to determine whether we are obsessed over an idealized concept of the person or the real person, and whether we really even have become thoroughly familiar with the real person.

i'm not saying you don't know the real person, but just suggesting to make certain that you do. that's just a caution based on my own bad experience - i am intuitive and perceptive about people but somehow a lot of that goes out of the window once i become attracted to someone ~ it's not that it's not there, it's just that i am more likely to ignore or discount Ni insights or gut feelings in favor of all these overpowering rushes of good feelings that accompany infatuation. tune in to Ni and don't allow yourself to tune out. be observant and don't let yourself be carried away from logical thought by overpowering feelings. i have sometimes ignored major red flags just because of these feelings and once i was so deeply hurt after such an incident that it took quite a long time to recover. viewing the situation objectively and staying tuned in and responsive to Ni is the best way to avoid getting hurt and i don't want you to get deeply hurt the way i once did...

i'm sure you already know this stuff. but if you're anything like me, sometimes you need to hear it again, when feelings are strong. i really hope none of this is in any way offensive - i'm saying most of this from personal experience and don't want you to get hurt. *hugs*

about signs - coincidence like that can be a sign, or it can not be. it's good to look for guidance and not step into anything without forethought :) but circumstantial signs are so subjective that they can be interpreted in multiple ways. clearer guidance about whether to go for her will be found in getting to know her and finding out if she is compatible and if you love the person who she truly is...then, if that is true, that would be the time to look for signs whether to take things further.

but if you decide to look for signs now, in my opinion, a clearer sign would be her response to you when you get to know her. what is meant to be, will be...just don't give up easily (and i can't imagine you giving up easily, KC!!! so i guess i didn't need to say not to give up! :)) if it is meant to be, she will (eventually) respond well to you. i would encourage you not to delay because it's never good to get too emotionally invested/attached (which you are getting, by constantly thinking about her, and will get more so, the longer you wait) before you even take a step to see if she's taken or available.

go for it, KC!! :) *hugs*

^^ My goodness...

Why didn't I reply that any sooner. Yes, I somewhat needed to hear that again. A lot in fact. Thanks Sea. Thank you so much... :3